28th May 2012
Today I randomly woke up at 3, but went back to sleep. But I kinda thought I didn't really sleep. I woke up again by 5:15 when my alarm went off. Gillian texted me by 5:33 and I fell asleep a bit and that woke me up. I got up right away and showered and got ready. I actually got ready on time and I just waited for her. She said it was sweet of me to wake up that early for her. It's not a big deal for me really. She eventually came to my house and I was kinda awake which was good. I was tired though. We left my house by 6:23 and while traveling to Sugarland, we were welcomed by a nice sun rise. My mom also called me but I didn't answer. Whatever. Lol. I don't give a heck. I was tired but I was in hyper mode so I was talking a lot. Today we took hwy 6 instead of the beltway today. We eventually got to the Sports and Ice center by 6:59 and it felt so early. People were there already though, and I was surprised to see young kids. She stretched like always, waited till 7:30 to come in. It seemed a bit colder today maybe it's morning or that I was just wearing a really light jacket. I tried to suck it up. I just watched her practice. She had 30 minutes of practice and 30 minutes of lesson. Randomly, there was Grace, "Gillian's little friend" according to her. She was young. It was cute and I didn't know what to say so I just said it was cold. LOL. Gillian did her solo again with the same song from before. I watched her as she gracefully did her piece. She landed her double axels now but it wasn't fluent still. But she's gotten better for sure. I just watched her until the end. I did play a game of Fruit Ninja on my iPad though since she was done already. I still couldn't beat my own score. She walked out of the rink and walked with her. She changed and we left. It looked nice outside and the skies were blue and there was a bit of wind. It was still humid. We left by 8:48 planning on eating breakfast at Chick Fil A. We got there and it was just near the ice rink place. I got some chicken minis which I haven't had in a while. Reminds me of Amy. Lol. We stayed there for a while. I held her, just laughed and being us, poking each other. We stayed there for quite a while and just not caring about the world around us. It looked like California outside but it doesn't feel like it with the weather. People came in and it was still early. We eventually left by 10:08. I didn't really wanna leave but she kept on turning me on. I also ran on my new shoes but it was okay since it didn't looked bent. We headed back to Cypress since we didn't wanna be too late. We went to Barnes and Nobles since we still wanted to hang out. I'm sure she didn't wanna leave yet. We got there by 10:42 and went to the kid section again and tried to build blocks. I tried to spell her name out - 2D and 3D style LOLOL. We were just fooling around, played with some hand animal puppets. After that, we walked out not knowing where to go. We just decided to go back since her mom was asking her where she was already. It was already 11. She took me home by around 11:25 but she made out in the car first. She kept on turning me on so...she has to get it too LOL. I figured out that her most ticklish, or at least as of now is behind her leg and higher. So that was kinda easy. I'm pretty easy to be turned on so it's whatever she grabs hard and aggressive will pretty much turn me on. But she doesn't know that yet LOL. I eventually had to let her go and I went inside my house. My mom was home and asked me where I went. I just told her that I went to my friend's practice and went to bed. I took a nap and woke up around 1:52. I had a dream that I was in the restroom and I was able to able organs and that I have two body. I took off some of my organs and cleaned it. Then I looked at my second body deflate and I started to realize how nasty it was and I started freaking out and looked at some thing that connects my throat to the bottom of my body. I freaked out and woke up. LOL. I started texting Gillian again but I was aware that she was still at practice. She texted me later on and we just had some conversation. She also told me she might not be able to see me tomorrow since it is going to be her dad's birthday. I told her I should have got that Darth Vader little "Best Father" thing at Barnes and Nobles. I was kidding of course haha. My mom made some turon and I ate that and she made more but I can't over eat specially I'm working out soon. I just drank some Muscle Milk since I ate a burger already when I woke up. I let the food sink in and I left my house by 3:56 and got to the gym by 4:06. It was hot outside and the pool was filled with people, mostly black people. In Stonegate, bunch of Asians. GAMECHANGER DUN DUN. Well, there were kids inside the gym and I just did my thing. I did the bicycle thing for 5 miles and 20 minutes. Then I started working out my shoulders. I did week 2 of Kris Gethin's workout and it has supersets and dropsets. It's something new for me and it burned me out. But it felt good since I've been doing the same things over and over and that's why I haven't grown. It's good that I started that. Them kids left and one Jamaican sounding kid with freaking rip ass body came in. I was like wtf. He started running on the treadmill and lifting damn weights. Eventually he asked me what I was training for and I told him my shoulders. He asked me if I'm going to UFC and I told a lie that I'm training to be. He saw my MMA gloves bag so he assumed. I also helped him work out and he asked what it works. I just told him it works the chest and shoulders. But he's a kid and he's just going all around the machines but I still did my thing. I finished my shoulder work out and I started wrapping my wrist band. There was a white lady that came inside to us the restroom and she asked me if I was his trainer but I told her not really. She told the boy to keep on working and he'll get big arms like me. Lolol. The kid kept on asking question and he asked me if I was gonna swim. I didn't really understand him since he got that accent and he talks fast. I told him I can't swim and he looked at me and I told him I was serious. He told me usually girlfriends help up the guy swim and I told him yeah.Well the kid eventually left and I finally get to just punch the bag. I was tired already and was ready to go home. I was packing and them kids from earlier came back in and asked if I was just leaving. I told them yeah and he asked me if I do kick boxing and I said he and I told them later. I just picked up my shoes and walked barefoot since my right shoe stepped on some cheetoh when I got off the car earlier. I was pissed lol. I eventually left by 5:23 and it was hot as heck. I got home by 5:33 and started stretching. I also drank Muscle Milk which I almost forgot to. I just cleaned my room, took a pic of the boxing gloves to show that this one is for me and this one is for hers. I kept on smelling her scent, her hands specifically. It seems stuck on my nose but I have no problem with that. I like it. Anyways, Grace added me on Facebook and I just told her nice to meet you and all. I took a long shower since I know I have nothing else to do lol. Anyways, I just chilled, killed time till it was dark. I changed phones and realized how many scratches added up on my MyTouch cause of my phone cover. I was just like wth. So I just thought of putting some ghetto screen protectors on the side and on the back since I don't want more scratches. I also wrote about how I felt about Gillian and posted it on Tumblr. I just spent my night playing my guitar, singing, listening to Spotify and trying to send pics so I can update my 365project. I eventually got to bed by 11:11 and I was just happy. I eventually fell asleep and I slept early today.
Everything is clearer now that you came in to my life.
First, I thanked God last night for you coming into my life. I know God gifted me with my patience and I know I'm not quite ready yet for the bigger things. Before anything serious, I want to polish my relationship with Him first again, then you. I will not put my Father second before anyone else. But I am thankful because I'm happy. I've waited and tried to better myself, and there comes you who fully accept me for who I am. Despite my shortcomings, you didn't care but looked passed through to what is good. All these years I've pushed girls away because of certain standards I put up. I tend to unconsciously compare every girl with Christine, because I thought she was perfect. God gave me her and I knew that. I fell for each other hard without telling each other. She was like me, she understood me, she was there for me, she fought for me even if it shredded things apart. But when she fought for me, it's to get me back and it was true love. She met my standards and no one else did. She dances, she plays instruments and sing, she's amazing. But we both know that we're not for each other. And I know even if I was gifted with someone I think was perfect, I didn't know how to properly love. That's why I've waited for years and tried to better myself, finding how become a new person who will know how to love right.
And there was you. I've never thought of talking to you like this. But I don't regret whatever led me to do it. I liked you because I saw your effort. I liked you even more cause I never had to compare. I didn't start to like you because I looked at your physical appearance, but because of who you are. I've forgotten about standards, the past, the heartbreaks. I was very cautious at first but I felt so carefree afterwards. I didn't want another heartbreak but now I thought about it, I never doubted you. You're someone who wanted to know me and know about me. And it's genuine. When you came to my show, you showed me your different. The past month that I've seen you, my life became even happier. I was happy already. I had goals of working out, I liked what I did, I liked my clean life. Then God gifted me you. I know other girls talked to me, but I never saw what I saw in you. It became clear that without being my boyfriend, you were able to stand me, stand what I do, like who I am. We shared the same perspective about things and I thought you're just like me. Those days I'm with you, I was never afraid of holding your hands in public. I was just afraid of being so turned on on public...that's all (LOL). But yeah, I've always not considered how my heart feels about someone until now. It has been a while since I've been like this. I was actually able to write so passionately on Saturday about how I felt about you. Usually when I write, I imagined things black and white. Now, I can imagine and write with colors again. You don't know how much you affect me. But I pray to God that she will love Him more than me. I'm pretty settled. I don't mind seeing you every time. I don't get tired of you. It's miraculous. I usually get tired of seeing people every time cause eventually they start to annoy me or piss me off. But not you. I like you. You're different. You're amazing to me - because we trolled Apple store, because we watched the sunset and laid down on the grass, because we played games together, because you let me watch you skate and see what you're passionate about, your cookies, your weirdness and dorkiness, your openness, your willingness to know me. Thanks, and don't be afraid to call me yours because you've won my heart.
And every single time you skate, I fall more with you graceful movements.
Dream: I don't remember most of my dream from this morning but I just remember walking away. It was sunset and Amy was arguing with me if I'm actually gonna do it and leave. I was limping and I couldn't run. I tried to ignore her and face the other way and walk towards the unknown. There was a walk way and besides it were grass. It was getting dark and I walked towards the darkness, some kind of neighborhood of some poor people and I thought it wouldn't be a good idea but I could see the stars the clearly. Amy was crying and eventually headed the other way. She tried to bring me back but I left. I started running when I reached the walk way and I knew it hurt but I wanted to get away. It got really dark and I couldn't see anything but some people who were old, limping and it was scary. I looked back and walked back to where I came from but the people started closing the door. It was close and I was begging to open it. There was an old grandma who told me there's no hope, unless I sound bend it out with her. She didn't know I could and I told her I can and she helped me out to do it. The door opened and on the other side was bright and nature. I could see green leaves and tall trees. There was earth that can't be seen in the city or suburbs. When the door opened and the air blew, I immediately jumped out of there. I didn't get to thanks the old lady because the door closed, but there was a dog that came with me. It was puppy. I woke up. What I got from this was that since I asked God last night to show me in my dream what I should do, it seems like he told me to stay away from Amy and walk away. I will go in the darkness eventually but I will turn around. Someone will help me open another door but it will require me to use my strength as well to carry on. I will see beauty in new things and someone new and faithful (since dogs are faithful) will come along.