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25th April 2012
Torn by chriswang

Torn

photo 290
I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor

Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see
The perfect sky is torn
- "Torn" performed by Natalie Imbruglia

Everyday has its challenges. I have waves of grief wash over me when I least expect it. I try not to fight them but just let them flow right through. When I keep them in I feel like I might explode and I don't want to break anything.

The good news is that my wife is feeling better and is hoping to be released from the hospital tomorrow. She was able to visit baby Chloe twice today.
Comments
so glad that Lili is getting better and having time to spend with Chloe. I am sure that will help both of them. And remember, it is okay to let the grief flow and it helps start the healing process when you are ready for it.
posted April 26th, 2012  
Stay strong in the struggle! It always shines after rain, you know?
posted April 26th, 2012  
My sense is that it keeps going like this for a time, but you find strength in bright moments and in each other. Let yourself feel the sad stuff and be in it together - but know that there is a celebration in your little girl who will thrive off your strength, hope, and love.
posted April 26th, 2012  
Never quite know the right thing to say in these situations. We're all thinking of you and hopefully it will seem better as each day progresses. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
posted April 26th, 2012  
Jen
I can only echo what has been said before me... thinking of you all...
posted April 26th, 2012  
Keep breathing deeply... stay strong ;)

My thoughts are with you and and your family.
posted April 26th, 2012  
What you are feeling is so normal and it's okay--you are right to let it flow through you. I love that you are using your photos to express these feelings. We all feel your joy and sadness Chris.
posted April 26th, 2012  
Chris, you are handling this as well as anyone could ever expect - and having an outlet is so important. . .I'm so glad to hear that Lili is doing well and that she had her visits with Chloe today. Bless you all!
posted April 26th, 2012  
Grief is a very individual thing and can be expressed in many different ways. Embrace it Chris as it will definitely help with the healing process. Thinking of you all.
posted April 26th, 2012  
What an amazing shot definitely showing the emotion of what you are going through right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you and what a blessing you wife is doing better and can visit Chloe!
posted April 26th, 2012  
You are expressing your grief so graphically here. Am happy to here that Lili and Chloe are both doing well. I waited all day to see your post and get the update. Continued prayers.
posted April 26th, 2012  
oh Chris, this is such a powerful and evocative photo emotionally. *lots of love*
posted April 26th, 2012  
you amaze me Chris
posted April 26th, 2012  
The sense of grief and helplessness comes over in this shot. You need to grieve though as you've lost someone special but you still have 2 very special people with you and better times are around the corner.
posted April 26th, 2012  
Truly a shot filled with feelings!! Glad to know the progress!! Be happy!
posted April 26th, 2012  
Its good to hear your wife is getting better I cannot imagine what this is like, my thoughts are with you
posted April 26th, 2012  
Hope things get better and thoughts of those on 365 are with.
posted April 26th, 2012  
Yes. This is how it feels. Big Hugs and Much Love.
posted April 26th, 2012  
I wish I knew what to say, but as others have said here the 365 community is thinking of you and mourning with you and is also filled with joy that Lili is feeling better and able to spend time with Chloe
posted April 26th, 2012  
Chris, our thoughts are with you and your family. Must be very difficult, but do stay strong. Very powerful shot....
posted April 26th, 2012  
Wish i had the words to ease your pain Chris but i know i can't just know i am thinking of you and Lili and baby Chloe XXX
posted April 26th, 2012  
Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. . . stay strong.
posted April 26th, 2012  
hang in there chris. i'm glad that your wife is doing so well. chloe is a fighter and will certainly fight in honor of and in memory of her brother. i'm sorry you are going through such a rough time right now. stay strong buddy!
posted April 26th, 2012  
You seem to be finding an outlet for your emotions in your photography and the songs that choose to exprress your feelings. There will be extremes highs and extreme lows - and you know that everyone who follows you is wishing you strength to make it through these times. I know that I wait for your poosts each day, hoping there will be good news. Today there was - Lili's coming home! Please take care of yourself, too. Prayers to you, Lili and Chloe!
posted April 26th, 2012  
Chris, Sometimes a picture is more than a picture. Powerful image. Daily prayers and continued well wishes for you, Lili and Chloe.
posted April 26th, 2012  
This is so intense...what you are going through is so intense...I am thinking about you...and really have never had this physical reaction from a series of photos before. Sending you all lots of love and strength....xoxox
posted April 26th, 2012  
Very poignant shot... lots of emotion expressed in this one. Still praying for all of you.
posted April 26th, 2012  
It's impossible to look at your photos and not feel some of what you are feeling. And you are coping your feelings in a very health way. Now the social worker in me comes out--the hospital should have a grief counselor on staff who should spend time with you and Lili. Someone you can vent to in a REALLY BIG way. They often have skills that will get you through this traumatic first part of your loss. My heart is with you both.
posted April 26th, 2012  
Very touching shot...hang in there.
posted April 26th, 2012  
I am so heartbroken for you. My heart is just so pained for you. I am asking God to heal you and your wife. And I have sent your story to my prayer group, I hope you don't mind. You will have at least 20 of us sending up prayers for you tonight. Rest in God and know His arms are around you.
posted April 26th, 2012  
Very powerful shot!
posted April 26th, 2012  
Chris, You and your family are in my prayers. My heart breaks for all of your pain...
posted April 26th, 2012  
Very moving photo and quote. SO sorry to hear your bad news I'm glad your wife is recovering though and able to bond with your daughter, my thoughts have been and are with you and yours
posted April 26th, 2012  
My heart goes out to you and your family. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad to hear that your wife is improving and that baby Chloe is putting up a good fight. *hugs*
posted April 26th, 2012  
such a powerful image; very glad that your wife continues to improve... continued prayers for all of you
posted April 26th, 2012  
This is such a powerful photo! My heart and prayers go out to you and your family! So sorry for your loss!
posted April 27th, 2012  
Amazing shot filled with such emotions.
posted April 27th, 2012  
Very moving shot, happy to hear your wife is starting to feel better!
posted April 27th, 2012  
These pictures break my heart but I am so glad we can see them and share this pain with you.
posted April 27th, 2012  
This photo is so raw and such a perfect and artful depiction of what you are going through. Of course you are grieving your lost son, even as you hope for your sweet little Chloe. I'm so glad your wife will be coming home soon. You need to lean on each other now. My whole family is now praying for you and your family.
posted April 27th, 2012  
Powerful and honest image. Being true to your feelings is the definition of strength. I can't stop thinking of you and your family
posted April 27th, 2012  
My condolences on the loss of your little boy. My thoughts are with you and with your wife and baby Chloe.
posted April 27th, 2012  
Nice composition and photo capture of the emotional roller coaster. Praying for more happy photo ops in the near future.
posted April 27th, 2012  
Torn is a perfect way to really describe your emotions. I have friends who have endured the same, so have been so close to this way too many times than I'd care to have been (by that I mean, it just sucks that people have to endure this)... It's good to hear Lili is doing better and I hope that Chloe can help you heal from the pain of losing Julian. The fact that you're still breathing and standing is testament to your strength, which is greater than you probably believe it to be right now.

@bdb3471 exactly what you said, is just perfect :)
posted April 27th, 2012  
Chris, I don't know you and can't imagine the pain you are going through. I am praying for you and your family! I am so glad your wife is better and can spend sometime with Chloe. I think you are a very brave kind soul.
posted April 27th, 2012  
Thank you for sharing this incredibly moving moment with us.
posted April 27th, 2012  
I wish I could give you a huge hug, in fact I believe everyone on 365 would do just that!
posted April 27th, 2012  
Thinking of you all.. And sending all the strength I can. This image and words says so much.
posted April 27th, 2012  
posted April 27th, 2012  
Stay strong, great pov
posted April 27th, 2012  
Glad to hear your wife is feeling better and hope she continues to improve. Thinking of you and your family.
posted April 28th, 2012  
Oh, Chris, I haven't followed your journey - but this pic tore at my heart strings. I hope all turns out ok for you and yours! with hugs, xxx
posted April 28th, 2012  
You have the strength you need!
posted April 29th, 2012  
gosh what a heartfelt shot...says it all really....
posted April 29th, 2012  
Words are not easy. You are in our hearts x
posted April 29th, 2012  
A powerful image, much love to you both and wee Chloe.
posted April 30th, 2012  
Wish I had words to make it easier? Thinking of you and your family
posted May 1st, 2012  
Of all of your photos, this is the one that made tears instantly leap out of my eyes. I hope the surgery goes well tomorrow and that the roller coaster starts to wind down for your family soon.
posted May 2nd, 2012  
Oh Chris. I am sorry for all you are going through. You have amazing strength - I hope you know that - and I have every faith that little Chloe has already inherited this from you.
posted May 8th, 2012  
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