Never Say Never by dmrams

Never Say Never


I remember when I was in college I would often see divorced parents meeting at McDonalds to swap their children. I remember thinking to myself that there's "NO WAY" I would EVER get a divorce and "NO WAY" would I ever drop MY kids off at McDonalds to meet their dad!! I'm embarrased to say this but I almost felt like I was "better" than "those" people.

Well, many years later, here I am dropping MY daughter off at the end of the weekend to go home with her dad. At least once a week I meet their dad at this particular McD's to either pick up or drop off our children. I never thought I would be doing that but then again there are many twists and turns in our lives that we never expect--that we never think will happen to us. Even though I DID go through a divorce and I DO drop my kids off at McDonalds, I'm glad that I still have a good relationship with their dad and that he and I have both worked hard to help the kids adjust to everything. One lesson I learned is never say never... instead say IF that happens to me, I will always do my best to go through it the best I can...to stay who I am...to be strong and most importantly, not judge people because you don't know what they have been through and you never know if one day you might be in the same situation.....it's really hard to put in words what I'm trying to say...hope it makes sense... :)

*** while reflecting back on what I wrote, I'm wondering if anyone now looks at ME the way I used to look at others....funny how life is huh?****
Such good wisdom in your thoughts. You truly never know...and it's so good to just look at people for being people.
September 27th, 2010  
Your words do make sense, I think we all fall into the same trap, some people more than others. Do they do that more often because they don't even realize they are judging or know how to stop it? Or because it makes them feel better about themselves? A mix of all of these I think, now did I just do the same thing? :)
September 27th, 2010  
@mrssmith--yes it is...glad I grew up in my thinking! :)
September 27th, 2010  
aaah beautiful words, to accompany this beautiful shot of the Golden Arches....
September 27th, 2010  
Aww, yes, I've learned to eat my words in the past 10 years I've been a parent. Funny how that happens.
September 27th, 2010  
It makes sense to me. Been there in a similar way. It is just a place that is recognizable and convenient. That's all.

I've always tried to keep a simple thought in my head..." You don't know what kind of day the person you are about to persecute has had. So, give em a break".
September 27th, 2010  
Very true message, and I like the clouds in the photo.
September 27th, 2010  
oh it makes perfect sense. I laugh when I see my co-workers getting pregnant for the first time and they tell me all the things they are going to do and not allow etc.... I chuckle and think I should write these all down because things change. Heck I own a microwave and I was NEVER going to do that!!
September 27th, 2010  
I know what you mean Della. Although I have stayed married for the long haul, my son is in the middle of a divorce now. His wife is not being so nice. I hope she comes around soon. After all, she is the one having a child by someone else. Go figure. I just want them to all get along for their son and move on. Anyway, great shot.
September 27th, 2010  
So right – never say never! We may only be married for a season, but we are parents forever.
September 27th, 2010  
Love your honesty, Della...and you are so right...never say never...I think we all learn that lesson sooner or later!
September 27th, 2010  
I think we all, at one time or the other come to realize that truth. We never know what lies in our future and what we will be forced to deal with.
September 27th, 2010  
isn't it funny how things work out. i remember silently downing people that i heard let their children sleep in their beds with them. and here we are with a 2 yr old that loves our bed. or when i'd say to my coworkers at the child center that a child was 1 year old and need to be weaned...and we're practicing extended nursing. funny the twists that life takes.... sometimes makes me wish i had some ketchup for all my words that i have to eat!
September 27th, 2010  
Amazing how our ideals and reality can miss, but it is with good intentions that we strive to make the best of lifes twists and turns
September 27th, 2010  
you make perfect sense. I understand exactly what you are trying to say.

On another note, I never eat at MickeyD's. Haven't for years. Swore off fast food and have stuck with it.
September 27th, 2010  
There is a lot of wisdom in your words.
September 27th, 2010  
Good thoughts there Mz. Della.
September 27th, 2010  
It looks like a tired MickyD's sign. Something in that?
September 27th, 2010  
Della, beautiful sentiment from an important life lesson. I think the quote you have up in your bathroom really does sum it up perfectly! Thank you so much for sharing this small piece of yourself, I can tell by your adendum to your caption that you fear the judgements that might be thrown at you for sharing your story. I think that the most important part of this story is that you have learned & grown. Beautiful!
September 27th, 2010  
What you wrote was perfectly insightful and clear. You're right, life can turn in unexpected ways, and you and your ex are to be commended to working to keep a balanced life for your precious children. I've never noticed parents exchanging the kids but would never think poorly of them. It's just a fact of life...
September 27th, 2010  
That makes great sense and thank you for sharing it. It sounds like a perfect place to use for a meeting - I'm thinking it is so good that you've still a good relationship and that takes a bit of working at. Oh, and I too have a microwave - was never going to get one!!
September 27th, 2010  
Della this gave me a giggle...When I was in court about custody the judge suggested Maccas as the place to swap over the children and then made a remark that maybe McDonalds should sponsor the family law court.I certainly didn't find it amusing at the time,but years later I can laugh about it. Happens to the "best" of us!!
September 27th, 2010  
@andifree very funny about writing down their comments :)
September 27th, 2010  
@miata2u will say prayers for your son
September 27th, 2010  
@rayswrld I dont eat at McDs either--yuck!!
September 27th, 2010  
@mama I like your comment on my picture!
September 27th, 2010  
@moncooga i like that quote--very similar to one I have on my bathroom mirror which reads "be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
September 27th, 2010  
@andiejaye me too about letting little ones sleep with you--I used to think the same--now I treasure those times!
September 27th, 2010  
@misschuff yes the sign does look tired--maybe some symbolism there
September 27th, 2010  
@christifitz thank you for your kind words :)
September 27th, 2010  
@Weezilou I definitely dont think poorly of them now...I was just so naive back then :)
September 27th, 2010  
@kirsty glad it made you smile--amazing how time can heal wounds and we can look at it in a different way :)
September 27th, 2010  
Oh Ms. Della.....you live and learn! My story is similar except it was the 7-11!LOL As I get older I realize.....no life is perfect, and if it was, just think how bored they would be!!!:)
September 27th, 2010  
Im so sorry, I meant to comment on your photo as well....is it Monday!?LOL My kids have made fun of me for taking pics of the golden arches...i just think it is so classic America! I love the angle, great shot!
September 27th, 2010  
I like to think my "never" response has been tempered by the years and is now closer to a "there but for the grace of God go I".
September 27th, 2010  
I can relate to this, have had to eat my words often.
September 27th, 2010  
Lovely shot of the maccy d's sign & yes we should always think IF & not never.
September 27th, 2010  
I like the photo but above all i like what you've written in the description.
It's difficult when you're young to stop judge the others and thinking WHAT IF.....! But sometimes things don't go as planned and we probably find ourselves in the same situation that we've judged when we were young. So,i think that it's really important to firstly think about ourselves and our actions! and...another important thing is being proud of ourselves even if things go in a diffrent way from what we've planned.
A smile. :)
September 27th, 2010  
No, I totally don't think wrongly of you for getting a divorce or swapping parents at McD's. It makes sense to swap children at a neutral ground as opposed to doing it at home. And change happens, people don't marry thinking they will get a divorce! I think you are doing a good job at being parents despite it, and the only way one should think wrong of you were if you weren't trying this for the children! :)
September 27th, 2010  
Ew xD Nice perspective :)
September 27th, 2010  
Thanks for sharing. Divorce is never good or fun but I know it happens (me too). I try not to say never and always! And yes, I get McDs for my kids too (once in a while)!
September 28th, 2010  
I like your sentiments and really I guess we all need a dose of reality every now and then. We are no better than the guy next door, but it's easy to believe that we are. I love the picture too.
September 28th, 2010  
Love the iconic nature of this. I cant say I have ever notice child swaps anywhere except maybe the airport where they are not swaps so much as half a plane load of kids arriving unaccompanied to stay with one parent or another or even both after being somewhere else at boarding school. I guess we live in an environment where anything goes and everythings 'normal'. Speaking of being 'normal'...I've never actually eaten McDs as I became a vegetarian before we came back to NZ from back them a McDsless Asia...
September 28th, 2010  
I couldn't agree more - never say 'never"! This has proven to be true so many times for me! It's like when you deny something and think it can never happen to you, it comes upon you to prove that you are not the boss. The most important thing is that you are happy - who cares what the others think!
September 28th, 2010  
I enjoyed reading your commentary and heartily agree with your philosophy, Della. As Mickey D's used to say, "You deserve a break today". We ALL do. We're human, we make mistakes, we pick ourselves up and move on...and that's what makes us all so damn interesting, don't ya' think? :-)
September 28th, 2010  
This shows such remarkable insight. I wonder how many people can see themselves as clearly as you do. And then your final paragraph, completing the circle, just took my breath away.
September 29th, 2010  
Thanks for sharing those thoughts and per your last statement, they likely will judge but perhaps you can forgive them knowing you were once in their shoes, now a little wiser!
September 30th, 2010  
Well, at first I wanted to comment on the picture. I hadn't read the description for the simple fact that my day is pretty hectic but scrolling down I couldn't help but notice all the comments on the description. So I scrolled back up and boy am I glad I did. That was really touching and has changed my outlook on things. Looking back I've realized all the things I said I would never do, and here I am doing them. Makes you feel like a major hypocrite. But that's just the way life is. Just when you think you have everything figured out life throws a curveball at you. We really need to stop and reflect on our own lives before we go out and judge other people, but its easier to just criticize others for what they do "wrong" than to look at ourselves and admit our flaws.

Oh, and before I forget, the reason I came here and started this comment: Wow, that's a really neat angle of the McD's arches!!
October 11th, 2010  
@kcphotography thank you soo much for stopping by and writing your thoughts!! :)
October 11th, 2010  
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