050112 by emmaroobers

050112

I have started writing the letter to my father that will never be sent, as directed by my counsellor. I wrote a few lines yesterday but it all flew out today. Got back to work from my lunchbreak and felt completely deflated, but I guess that is part of the process. I'll burn this letter on his birthday, Friday the 13th January.
awwh thats cute, Are you okay?
January 5th, 2012  
Ems
@raggleroo Yeah, I'm ok now I'm home and back in my comfort zone :)
January 5th, 2012  
Who could possibly know what to say to that?! You're such a beautiful girl and clearly very strong. Good luck next Friday. :-)
January 5th, 2012  
Ems
@faeriequeen Aaaaw, thank you so much. I've got used to hiding my feelings to please everyone else, but it is high time I put a lot of demons to rest. It is good to get everything out onto paper. Thank you for the good luck, I'm hoping I can make it a pic :)
January 5th, 2012  
@emmaroobers Well, I'm pleased for you that you're finding your way through. :-) I was going to suggest making a pic event of it... how positive is that!? :-)
January 5th, 2012  
@emmaroobers Good Good, Where were you? xx
January 5th, 2012  
Aww, I can really feel the emotion. Stay strong! :) x
January 5th, 2012  
Ems
@raggleroo I was writing this in my car at one of the lakes close to my work at lunchtime, but I'm home now :)
January 5th, 2012  
Ems
@sharingmylife Thank you, I was umming and ahhing for a while if it was too much as it was my words, but hopefully it is ok!
January 5th, 2012  
@emmaroobers Oh okaaay. Did you take a photo of the lake, x
January 5th, 2012  
Ems
@faeriequeen Well thought hey! I am going to destroy the letter, the vicious emails he sent me and possibly a photo too. The day I let go.
January 5th, 2012  
@emmaroobers Sounds like you're ready, I wish you every happiness! :-) xx
January 5th, 2012  
Ems
@raggleroo I didn't get out of the car as it was so super windy! It was the carpark to this lake though... http://365project.org/emmaroobers/365/2011-11-01
January 5th, 2012  
Ems
@faeriequeen Thank you so much, your words are really appreciated x
January 5th, 2012  
I love the photo! And hope you stay strong!
January 5th, 2012  
Ems
@peeliks Thank you so much. I'm trying!
January 5th, 2012  
Aww man. I don't even know what to say... :( when I think I just sat at the table this evening to have tea with my Dad. I don't realise I'm lucky like that. Never the less you portrayed this well in the pic
January 5th, 2012  
Wonderful that you are working on yourself to achieve your own happiness. You seem to me to be a strong lady and you deserve every joy and happiness in life.
January 5th, 2012  
Ems
@azza_l Thank you Aaron. I do envy normal families but in some ways what I've been through enables me to see life differently. I do have a wonderful step dad though :)
January 5th, 2012  
Ems
@bdb3471 Aaaw, thank you Brian, you always have such wonderful words.
January 5th, 2012  
Photo's eh? They can make you smile, laugh, angry, shocked but this one made me cry a little. No matter what has happened in the past, or what happens in the future know you are beautiful and pretty special.
January 5th, 2012  
Ems
@jasehoad Oh Jase, I'm sorry for making you cry. Perhaps I should warn you next time I do something like this. I didn't mean to upset you :( Thank you for your kind words though, I wish I'd come to 365 so much sooner, it could have saved me so much heartache. I can be me, not the me I'm expected to be.
January 5th, 2012  
@emmaroobers hey don't be silly about apologising, its good to feel something sometimes :) But at least you have started to become the person you always were, these things take as long as they take
January 5th, 2012  
Wonderful image. Can feel the emotion. Good luck with whatever you have to do to feel better. Stay strong!
January 5th, 2012  
Ems
@jasehoad It's so nice to know there are people who understand x
January 5th, 2012  
Ems
@ruudvanuden Thank you Ruud, one day at a time!
January 5th, 2012  
Ems, you are very brave for sharing such personal thoughts and emotions on a site like this. I hope posting the image of your letter has helped you.

Good Luck , the image is striking
January 5th, 2012  
Ems
@phil_howcroft Thank you Phil, I hope it wasn't too much.
January 6th, 2012  
Aww..good on you for doing the work!! What a different world this would be if EVERYONE had the guts to explore their baggage!
I wrote a letter to my father all angry and stuff and the next day, I found out he had a heart attack about the time I was writing the letter. Spooky....of course I have actually SENT those letters on occasion, and thats always fun! ;-)
January 6th, 2012  
Oh PS: I do like this pic! I think we can all relate to the fragments of questions that can be made out and your writing is all boxy and neat and stuff! Cute!
January 6th, 2012  
Ems
@tabbycat Oh my goodness, that is really spooky! You are brave to send the letters, but this one is definitely not going anywhere, he's been let back in my life before and it's just a question of time before he hurts me again. I'm strong enough without him x
January 6th, 2012  
..all the power in the world to you at this time.
January 6th, 2012  
@emmaroobers Hell yeah! Good on you. I'll be thinking of you. I know this stuff's not easy...*e-hugs*
January 6th, 2012  
Amy
This post shows courage. My thoughts are with you.
January 6th, 2012  
Beautiful picture - wishing you that all this hard work with your emotions will pay off very soon.
January 6th, 2012  
Ems
@sleepdozer57 @tabbycat @amyjriker @equinoxe Thank you all so much. I'm getting close to the end of the letter now, but I need 'nice' time away from it too.
January 6th, 2012  
Well done! Are you ok now! Your very brave xx
January 7th, 2012  
Ems
@dancinggirl96 Yeah I'm ok lovely. Getting some things ready to burn and let go. Naturally I'll try to photograph it!
January 7th, 2012  
@emmaroobers sounds good has he not bothered in your life sorry if I have asked something that will make you upset I understand if you don't want to talk about it xx
January 8th, 2012  
Ems
@dancinggirl96 I don't mind you asking at all. He has been in and out of my life but is very firmly out of it now. I just get upset sometimes when something reminds me of it all or when I get stressed out. I'm ok though, promise!
January 8th, 2012  
@emmaroobers am glad that has happened to me to, but he is out now I get upset and angry to its not bice and your very strong ems xx
January 8th, 2012  
Ems
@dancinggirl96 I'm sorry to hear that Lucia. At the end of the day if people in your life don't deserve to be in your life (family or not) then they should stay out of it. Your happiness is the most important thing. We only get one shot at life after all.
January 8th, 2012  
@emmaroobers its ok and that is very true, your brave, he doesn't deserve you better to be with the people that love you I have learnt that xx
January 9th, 2012  
Very powerful picture. I never have the right words. So I will leave it at that.
January 10th, 2012  
well done for tackling this and moving on
January 12th, 2012  
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