My mouth is dry, my throat constricted to the size of a gnats pizzle. My forehead burns like the Sahara at midday. My joints ache and feel like they're grinding together when I move and my eyes have had an entire beach worth of sand emptied into them and rubbed in. When I cough every sphincter in my body goes into spasm and mucus is forcibly ejected from all available orifices.
I have a cold and I may not make it - it's the end of my world. I really don't think I can make it through. I may in fact be expiring as we speak. There will be nothing left except a husk of a man slowly oozing snot onto our fine wooden floors. I even went and got a lily for my coffin. I Am Man - Pity Me.
I am a confirmed and certifiable nutbar with a penchant for skulls, bones, blood, guts, fire and anything slightly peculiar and mostly bizarre. I also...
@gigiflower Sssshhhh...I'm trying to fell sorry for myself and cash in on it. And if that's looking fine you should the optometrist! @stuckinoz Thanks very much...
@graemestevens oh my I just remembered - your needs are more important than anything else thank you very much -
*holding tray with throat lozenges, honey lemon tea, tissues, heat pack - and a bell so you can call whenever you need*
@annied Where the hell is my whisky!!! @amandal I'm sure I'll live to see the other side...but thanks anyway @peter_1966 They certainly don't appreciate the gravity of the situation - they seem to forget that because a mans anatomy is different a cold is in fact, for us, worse that child birth (and cue abuse in 3...2...1...) ;) @aprilmilani Yeah yeah, I know...it's only a cold but if I didn't at least try to get a photo from it...
We always knew you were sick...
This is the bomb. Of course it kept cracking me up, which would have made me feel bad if not for your face. Oh, that face. Gold.
I hope you feel better in the morning and you find you don't need that lily after all. I'm thinking you might be a teensy tiny bit overdramatic....similar to my husband when he gets a cold. And thanks, Sam @gigiflower , I laughed out loud at your response!
@louuncouth Thanks - there is very little point in having a face made of rubber if you don't utilise it at every opportunity! @tabarlett Oh I'm sure I'll be fine...first time in 2 or 3 years that I've had a cold and I can't say I missed them, so I figure I'm allowed a little bit of "drama queenery"... ;) @aecasey That's one way of putting it ;) Thank you very much. @annied I didn't think to look there, I'm sick ;)
Oh, great, now I am afraid we will be seeing a picture of Graeme in a tutu with hairy legs and sparkles! There is nothing scarier than that! And, I hope you feel better! My mom usually recommends flushing salt down your nose....you might want to try that...brutal, but effective!
@overalvandaan Whisky tonight and I should be fine by morning :) @gigiflower@annied Flouncing rocks, it's the manliest thing there is. @panthora Yes, I shall torment you with a tutu. I won't be trying salt flushing though!
Salt flushing is very good for you - doctors recommend it too - better than whisky which dehydrates you as the cold is already dehydrating you.
Sorry you feel sick, well done for milking it. The tutu and a flounce could be *interesting*
@newbank I'm sure I'll survive! @tabbycat Serial killers get colds too... @shannejw I think I'll still give it a miss, and there will be no photographic evidence of any flouncing...
Poor bunny... I expect there's a can of chicken soup in the pantry and a can opener in the utility drawer... Whiskey and lemon works wonders too! Feel better soon!
I'm cracking up!! Yes, you so well capture the male response to having a cold!! But I admit, it's how I felt the 3 weeks I had one in July and felt SO sorry for myself! Feel better soon, I hope!
As a nurse I feel completely qualified to say your a ham. This looks like a spoof of hamlet but all that aside I like it, particularly the lighting on the lily.
@tabbycat Thanks :) @andy3168 Just a sniffle - it's all just drama, and thanks very much @northy Ooooh...I like whisky ;) And Thanks very much @tomtom Agreed - they have no concept of how we suffer! @redpants Something like that... ;) @taffy 3 weeks???? No thank you - this one will be lucky if it survives 3 days. I'm about to use sheer will power to remove it from my body. @ceilidh She's bearing up remarkably well... @lorrainelouise It's a killer alright ;) @wearing0 As a "not a nurse" I feel completely qualified to say you're right :) And thank you very much.
@kali66 You're quite right! @jules13 That's the spirit! And no, not really, but I'm sure I'll live @kelly2 Likewise @pittcj17 Thank you very much - I think ;)
Brilliant shot … possibly more commentary than is good for us! Do your best to get well …. I expect it will pass but if not I hope you have had an interesting life!
@tammyputney Thanks - just getting it ready for the coffin...
@stuckinoz Thanks very much...
(get better soon)
*holding tray with throat lozenges, honey lemon tea, tissues, heat pack - and a bell so you can call whenever you need*
@amandal I'm sure I'll live to see the other side...but thanks anyway
@peter_1966 They certainly don't appreciate the gravity of the situation - they seem to forget that because a mans anatomy is different a cold is in fact, for us, worse that child birth (and cue abuse in 3...2...1...) ;)
@aprilmilani Yeah yeah, I know...it's only a cold but if I didn't at least try to get a photo from it...
This is the bomb. Of course it kept cracking me up, which would have made me feel bad if not for your face. Oh, that face. Gold.
@tabarlett Oh I'm sure I'll be fine...first time in 2 or 3 years that I've had a cold and I can't say I missed them, so I figure I'm allowed a little bit of "drama queenery"... ;)
@aecasey That's one way of putting it ;) Thank you very much.
@annied I didn't think to look there, I'm sick ;)
@cindyloo Sick does suck...we hates it :( And thanks very much
Get well soon, or maybe not, we won't have funny pictures in the morning!
@gigiflower @annied Flouncing rocks, it's the manliest thing there is.
@panthora Yes, I shall torment you with a tutu. I won't be trying salt flushing though!
Sorry you feel sick, well done for milking it. The tutu and a flounce could be *interesting*
@tabbycat Serial killers get colds too...
@shannejw I think I'll still give it a miss, and there will be no photographic evidence of any flouncing...
@andy3168 Just a sniffle - it's all just drama, and thanks very much
@northy Ooooh...I like whisky ;) And Thanks very much
@tomtom Agreed - they have no concept of how we suffer!
@redpants Something like that... ;)
@taffy 3 weeks???? No thank you - this one will be lucky if it survives 3 days. I'm about to use sheer will power to remove it from my body.
@ceilidh She's bearing up remarkably well...
@lorrainelouise It's a killer alright ;)
@wearing0 As a "not a nurse" I feel completely qualified to say you're right :) And thank you very much.
@jules13 That's the spirit! And no, not really, but I'm sure I'll live
@kelly2 Likewise
@pittcj17 Thank you very much - I think ;)