Halil

I finally got my PC back, so I could get some photos printed today. Halil hated having his photo taken so I dont have a lot of good ones of him, if he saw me he would always pull a face or put his hand in front of him so I had to snap without him knowing. I like this one.

I miss him so much :"-(
So where is he? I've not caught up. He looks so young and handsome - you must be young and beautiful too to to with this photo!
posted March 11th, 2015  
So much like Ngalla, so pleased for you that you have your computer back
posted March 11th, 2015  
This is such a poignant shot
posted March 11th, 2015  
So painful, so sad. And it's such a beautiful portrait!
posted March 11th, 2015  
Love it, black and white works well and his expression is interesting.
posted March 11th, 2015  
What a beautiful portrait Kali - easy to see that he was a poet, he had a delicate sensitivity about him. I'm glad that you have some evocative images like this.
posted March 11th, 2015  
Oh my God Kali. its almost 1 o'clock in the morning and I just switched on and I see him. This is a fantastic photo of him, so moving and touching and not only because of what has happened, it's because of how you portray him, I really don't know how you can stand it and I am truly proud of how you are dealing with your pain, although I have no right to do so as I haven't had much input in it... I will write and explain. Huge Bravo, you have a big candle on in my heart...
posted March 11th, 2015  
@frida i look forward to hearing from you Frida, I just got up and see your message and it makes me feel some happiness to know you are there")
posted March 11th, 2015  
@vignouse thankyou Richard, sensitive and yet not outwardly demonstrative of that, he was the most matter of fact, no frills kind of person. this image does speak to me of his quiet presence.
posted March 11th, 2015  
@abroadwood I converted a few of the images to black and white for printing and i like them very much.
posted March 11th, 2015  
@overalvandaan yes, today was a hard day the sadness is bedding in.
posted March 11th, 2015  
@adayinmallacoota yes it really touched me this one
posted March 11th, 2015  
@wendels they were completely unalike Wendy! but there will be some family resemblance ")
posted March 11th, 2015  
@maggiemae i have got thousands more grey hairs and wrinkles since he died Maggiemae.
posted March 11th, 2015  
Pam
I like it too. Such a great expression, and his eyelashes are gorgeous. Beautiful portrait,Kali.
posted March 11th, 2015  
This is lovely - thank you so much for sharing this, him, and part of you with us all - hugs
posted March 11th, 2015  
an excellent portrait of him, kali. i'm so glad you shared this, it is part of your healing and you are doing quite well, methinks.
posted March 11th, 2015  
I love his gentle expression and soft smile. Quite wonderful.
posted March 11th, 2015  
Wonderful portrait, Kali! Blessings to you.
posted March 11th, 2015  
A super portrait
posted March 11th, 2015  
What a beautiful boy, thinking of you Kali.
posted March 11th, 2015  
It is so hard to express myself in words. Maybe what I want to say is that Halil is in peace as the depression he was struggling with was finally over. There is another life form he is taking now and blesses him with love and happiness as he is such a beautiful boy.
posted March 11th, 2015  
@hasselhotch thank you David!
posted March 11th, 2015  
People here are so wonderful with their expressions of support and sympathy. I am so sad for you, Kali!
posted March 11th, 2015  
@yaorenliu yes i believe so Yao, and it really helps a lot :)
posted March 11th, 2015  
@summerfield thankyou Vikki for always being supportive
posted March 11th, 2015  
@maggiemae thankyou Maggiemae
posted March 11th, 2015  
@pammerritt @deak68 @paulaw @aecasey @juliedduncan thankyou for taking the time to comment, a piece of my heart he is
posted March 11th, 2015  
oh Kali - such an achingly beautiful portrait... i have no words for you... just wishing you continued strength... and peace...
posted March 12th, 2015  
Kali, I'm without words...I have four kids and two grandkids....all are precious. My thoughts are with you.
posted March 12th, 2015  
beautiful portrait Kali - i have no words either. Just thinking of you. love x
posted March 12th, 2015  
Really beautiful portrait Kali, I'm so glad you managed to get some shots of him considering he didn't like the camera.
posted March 12th, 2015  
It's a beautiful portrait Kali. So pleased you have your PC back and can get some photos of Halil printed.
posted March 12th, 2015  
so gut wrenching.
posted March 12th, 2015  
@blueberry1222 every time I look at it...
posted March 12th, 2015  
A neighbor of mine lost her daughter about a month ago. We had a talk about it shortly afterwards. I told her, as I will tell you, I don't know how you get up in the morning. I don't know how you go on day to day. I cannot imagine the ache in your heart.

All I have to compare it to is the fact my son has autism. I didn't ask for this life. I didn't sign up for this gig. However, it is the path I am on and the journey I must walk and I wouldn't trade my son or being a mother for anything in the world. There are good days when my step is light and I revel in the warmth of the sun on my face and shoulders. There are dark days when I want to curl up against the winds pressing down on me and threatening to knock me from my feet. That's as close as I can come to imagining what it must be like to lose your child.

Keep sharing here, kali. There are ppl who draw strength from your outward expressions of ongoing love and grief. There are ppl who send you positive energy and good thoughts for the journey ahead.
posted March 13th, 2015  
@voiceprintz thankyou for those words JT, imagining something like this is different to living it that is for sure, the end of his life was so sudden, that the shock means it takes a long time to catch up with me, the enormity of it hits me at times but I recoil from the pain of it, I can do it gradually in measured doses, but I have no choice but be real about it, he is gone, I understand his decision, I lament, but nothing will bring him back, I have to find ways to keep my love for him alive and believe his spirit still walks with us every day.
a friend of mine told me, you signed up for this karlene, and I actually believe we do when we come into our lives choose our lessons.
your burden is greater JT, because you need to find strength every day, and you have to commit 24/7 and I reciprocate the positive energy and good thoughts to help you and your child.
posted March 13th, 2015  
@kali66 There's joy to be found in knowing that - even in darkest moments - we are not alone in the world. Many thanks for the reciprocity.

FWIW, I call the occasional realization of the enormity of it all episodic grieving. I'm never finished nor do I think I ever will be; there will always be chronic sorrowing. Naming it has helped me recognize it when it's upon me, allow it to fill me as it needs to for a moment, and then let it go until the next time. Maybe that's the measured doses you speak of as well. I see more similarities than differences in our 24/7 commitment to our realities.

posted March 13th, 2015  
Beautiful memory you have to treasure....
posted March 17th, 2015  
Beautiful portrait and wonderful capture...
posted March 19th, 2015  
A beautiful portrait and a beautiful face
he is walikg with you - I am sure you feel it as I do. I don't expect the grieving to ever end - just change - episodic grieving yes
Keep your strength - it helps us all @voiceprintz
posted March 23rd, 2015  
A lovely stolen shot.
posted March 29th, 2015  
hey
back here
it is strange my youngest is similar when it comes to me taking a photo and yet she is quite liberal when snapchatting herself pulling faces to friends - she is a matter of fact type - my eldest is the creative one
I am always thinking of you
posted May 4th, 2015  
a beautiful portrait. healing blessings to you.
posted May 6th, 2015  
This portrait caught my eye as well done, so I clicked on it to view it more closely. Reading the comments was anguishing. I am so sorry for your loss... words simply fail here. I guess we just do what we have to do every day and search for courage, but this is such an unimaginable blow. Truly, I am sorry for your loss. Cold comfort, but this is a lovely portrait. I hope that time sends you some peace.
posted May 26th, 2015  
Oh Kali, I'm sitting sobbing for you, this is so devastatingly sad. The heartbreak of mental health is not being able to see a way out. It's a trough where there is no land visible just huge waves battering. sending you love and hugs xxx
posted June 27th, 2015  
Beautiful:)
posted July 14th, 2015  
This is so beautiful ,Kali.It is obvious that this portrait was created with so much love.I am sending you a huge hug from afar.I wish there was some magic I could conjure to take away the pain.
posted August 30th, 2015  
Mek
Lovely portrait Kali. A treasure. He looks like you, for as far as I can figure out...
posted September 3rd, 2015  
Beautiful Kali. The story makes me said but the portrait really seem to capture his soul.
posted November 6th, 2015  
The soul lives on dear friend... your friend rightly says we select our challenges, but we never know the pain that comes with it. A friend helped me let go of the grief, bit by bit... one can never forget, but slowly one remembers with joy the beautiful moments... this image has a softness about it.
@voiceprintz your words touched me...
posted November 15th, 2015  
@amrita21 thankyou Amrita you are so thoughtful.
posted November 15th, 2015  
Sometimes when you click on someone's photo, you just know there's something 'more' about it, that it's larger and more significant than most, and you know it even before you read about it. This is one of those photos. My heart goes out to you, Kali. I truly am sorry for your loss.
posted November 16th, 2015  
This is a wonderful shot and very precious cos it´s him. I am so sorry for your loss and wish there´s something to say, but no words seams enough.....I am sending you a big virtual hug!
posted December 13th, 2015  
You have my thoughts, Kali.
posted December 18th, 2015  
Thank you posting the picture of him, it is so beautiful. I admire how you chose to share this so publicly, but can see that this can help you in your grief. I have been thinking of you!
posted January 6th, 2016  
@transatlantic99 thats nice, thankyou Heidi
posted January 6th, 2016  
I saw this portrait and thought it was stunning but your subject was shy, than I read what you had to say and clicked on a link to see what you were referring to by missing him and my eyes started to glisten with tears because of the pain and the heartache you must still be feeling. I also thought what a brave, strong, courageous woman you had to be to post the first photo so shortly after your son died and now sharing with us this lovely portrait of your handsome young man. I can't even begin to imagine or understand the pain and grief you must go through, loosing a child, however I pray that this helps with your healing process and that seeing his photo, will bring back happy memories.
posted March 24th, 2016  
Oh Kali. I have just come across this portrait and I am in so many tears. You are such a brave and courageous woman for being so open with us. I can't imagine your pain so I don't have any valuable things to say except for I hope we can help you be strong and share even a small bit of your burden. I am so so sorry for your loss. As someone who has gone through severe clinical depression in my life, and someone who still battles it everyday, I know how hard it is. Bless his soul and I hope he is at peace. Lots of hugs.
posted April 4th, 2016  
So sorry for your loss Kali xxx
posted April 24th, 2016  
@kali66 I saw this a while ago. I didn't dare commenting. I can't figure how strong one must be to survive such a tragedy. This is why my respect for you is utmost. You have heart Kali, and soul, and courage. And friends - even far away. xx
posted June 8th, 2016  
very soft, secretive and elusive quality with this angle - beautiful
posted June 12th, 2016  
Dear Kali,
I am so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine how much this must hurt. I lost my little brother a few months ago, but that's incomparable to losing your child... Try to absorb all the love you can get from your friends and family and let the tears flow whenever you need.
I am around for this week, I'm just a bit busy, so I keep forgetting to upload pictures. But I challenge you to take a picture of something that brings up good memories of your son Halil. I hope this is not too much to ask yet, but I think you can do it. Stay strong
posted September 19th, 2016  
Beautiful portrait Kali, I too am so sorry for your loss.
posted October 11th, 2016  
His tender smile is heartwarming.




posted January 26th, 2017  
So much bittersweetness today on 365 and elsewhere. This is a beautiful photo of Halil. I can't imagine the pain that must still reside within you. I thought I was following you, but evidently not, so I'm correcting that mistake right now. We have a mutual friend, Lou, who I know you connected with over the mutual loss of your children. He's also put me on the list for the Victoria Project (way off in the future when Victoria makes her way to the west coast of the U.S.) and I thought your initial post and set of photos set an amazingly high standard for what's sure to be a wonderful adventure. I look forward to seeing and commenting on your photos and hopefully we will get matched up again for another Get Pushed challenge or two. :-)
posted March 15th, 2017  
I see you.
posted September 15th, 2017  
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