I started my day trying to do some writing. I didn't really manage it but have two more blog titles so that's something.
My CPN came over this afternoon and it was alright for a bit and I showed her my journal and stuff (which was super hard, because I literally let her look through the whole thing and didn’t hide any pages) and she said I’m having the odd glimmer days now which is a bit of an improvement which is true.
Then at the end she was saying that she now has 40 on her caseload and works 4 days a week so whereas when she started she could see people weekly, now it’s max every 3 weeks (and if people need more then its HTT but that’s not ideal because it’s a different person each time).
Then she said that people become dependent on services and so it’s scary not needing them, but I/we need to develop a life without them. She said they don’t keep people long term any more. That I need to think about the fact that discharge will happen one day. That she wasn’t discharging me next week but I need to think that it will happen at some point. That I need to say goodbye to my eating disorder and move on with life rather than trying to make little changes. That I’m more than capable, know more about eating disorders than she does (because I’ve lived with one) and have all of the skills to manage things, I’m just not doing it. That I need a lightbulb moment. This went on for about 15/20 minutes.
I don’t know any more. I’m trying but it’s not enough. I’m trying so hard. I’m working so hard to do all that I can do but it’s so hard when my mood is still very low. I feel like I am making some progress, but it’s obviously not enough progress for services.
I went on a drive but it didn't really help. I desperately need my Mum.
great picture, that tiny bit of red. there is a growing demand for services and difficult to get continuity of care, , it must be a hard job. you can do it, i am sure you mum is helping you in spirit. you will find other things will come in to fill the gap when you need it, ask and you shall recieve,
Oh Naomi, feel for you. Keep trying, in your own pace, step by step, day by day. Imagine your mum holding you, comforting you. What would she now have said to you if she had been there.
By the way your photo is very beautiful and fitting.
Excellent photo, Naomi. It's very thought-provoking...it could be interpreted so many different ways. I thought I'd share one of my favorite scriptures with you in the hope that it encourages and uplifts you as it does me. I often recite it during difficult times.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
- Philippians 4:13
Do keep looking for touches like this shot - things that you can control and enjoy and share - we're all with you - pulling for you - and really try to believe the posting that Janet shared - the Philippians 4:13 - you can - your mum is always with you holding your hand and encouraging you.
From the comments, I would say again that "we're all with you" and would help you more personally if we could. Most of us are mom's and, while I would agree your mom IS with you in spirit, you can lean on any of us as well. And Janet couldn't have picked a better scripture for you. The words truly are comforting if you'll say them, think them, and most of all, Believe them! Wishing you strength. Each day use your journaling and photo art to see you through step by step. ♥
By the way your photo is very beautiful and fitting.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
- Philippians 4:13
@overalvandaan @rachelwithey @hellie @fayefaye @slash @joysabin @lyndemc @la_photographic @ziggy77 @pyrrhula thank you all Xxx
@janetb @milaniet thank you, I'm still grappling with faith but I think that's better than turning my back on it completely!
@Weezilou thank you - I seem to accumulate many Mums in life, it's wonderful :)
@suklassen Thank you x