I need to believe people and trust people, but that’s hard right now because people never seem to mean what they say or say what they mean. I wish it was more straightforward. Everyone seems to talk in code and sometimes it feels like they’re doing so in two different languages. Often I feel like I speak a different language to everyone else and though some of the words translate, many do not. I have conversations with people and leave wondering if I actually said anything at all.
A brain dump from the other morning. Trying to journal because it’s been a rough day and my head is a warzone.
Had an appointment with ED (eating disorder) person & CPN (community psych nurse). (They spent ~ten mins talking about courgetti spaghetti &cauliflower rice because apparently that’s an okay thing to do in an ED service…). I’m being discharged from the ED service because it’s not really a service and the ED person doesn’t see any point with me being on her caseload because we’re getting nowhere and she doesn’t understand why I can’t eat. They said I wasn’t really getting anywhere (which I think is mean because I am trying). They said that I'm dependent on services again (interesting… being dependent on something which doesn’t really exist). They’re putting in a referral to this other place. I didn’t really understand all of it because there were many different things they were saying. They mentioned a psychology referral but they discharged me from that when Mum got ill in 2014 because they said they couldn’t work with me while that happened, so I don’t think they’re putting in that one idk. They kept saying I have a good relationship with my GP etc. which is true but this stuff isn’t her job! They don’t really understand my stuff with food & mentioned emotion stuff & basically I think their view is if that’s fixed then food will follow.
I feel like maybe it’s positive because there’s this referral going through but also feel like they’ve given up on me and are passing me on to someone else. I feel like I’m trying but not fitting into their definition of ‘recovery’. I’m just not good enough.
Just trust them until it`s proofs otherwise.
Our minister of health care have started a new medical investigsation on depresions by young people. It seems that 15-20 % have this illness. They are surching for new treatments.
I know it's tough to live what you're going through. Hoping your art is a valuable outlet as I'm appreciating the qualty of your photos, even as I know they come from a place of pain.
Naomi, you communicate so well - in words and pictures. Hoping for you that you get a rest from all the warzone activity. Sounds like services are not quite matching your need - I hope there is appropriate help around the corner for you.
Sorry for what you're going through. It's not unusual (at least in my exp) for social services/mental health professionals to refer someone on if they feel like they aren't helping the person. Ethically speaking it's the thing to do but there's a proper way to do it. You always want to help the person foremost, (certainly at least do no harm) and sometimes that means referring them on. It does not sound like they did a good job at all in communicating this to you. It certainly isn't that you aren't good enough, sounds like you just haven't been setup with the right services and/or professionals. Perhaps your GP could refer you to someone else? If this doesn't feel right to you just disregard everything I just wrote. However, please don't disregard this: you are talented, insightful and bright. Your photographs, art and writing are evidence of that, powerful and true. Hang in there.
Keep on with your battle - I know where you are coming from. The most important thing is to find someone, professional or not, who will support you wherever you are at any one moment. I think its great that you find writing and art as a therapy. Best wishes to you.
Hi Naomi, I was told by my ED nurse (and I know she is right from previous relapses) that food isn't really the issue, it's our way of dealing with our emotions and lets face it we are rather quirky. Some turn to booze/drugs etc. We just don't eat, got to love us really, our will power (or whatever you want to label it) is something to behold. I know there is a life beyond this ..... I've been there and it's good.... one day I hope both you and me get there xxx
@pyrrhula Thank you - unfortunately they're making it very hard to trust them at the moment. Great news about the research! @taffy Thank you so much, that means a lot x @kwind Thank you x @helenhall Thank yo so much - I hope so too but I just don't know any more. We will have to see what the new referral brings. @linnypinny Thank you Xxx @slash Thank you so much, that makes a lot of sense. I do think that perhaps the referral mihgt be a good thing (I just know very little about it) but I think the way they've gone about it is a little tricky x @fishers Thank you x @craftymeg Thank you - much brighter colours than I normally use! @Cherrill Thank you - i'm trying to keep talking to people :) @pixiemac Thank you - I think food isn't necessarily the issue, but the way they were talking around me made me so confused as to whether they even agree with the ED diagnosis at all... our ED service is one person and I don't actually know anyone who finds her helpful so maybe the referral is a good thing but I wish I knew what I was being referred to... @overalvandaan Thank you - it's nice to know people read it and learn something :)
February 17th, 2017
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Our minister of health care have started a new medical investigsation on depresions by young people. It seems that 15-20 % have this illness. They are surching for new treatments.
Ian
@taffy Thank you so much, that means a lot x
@kwind Thank you x
@helenhall Thank yo so much - I hope so too but I just don't know any more. We will have to see what the new referral brings.
@linnypinny Thank you Xxx
@slash Thank you so much, that makes a lot of sense. I do think that perhaps the referral mihgt be a good thing (I just know very little about it) but I think the way they've gone about it is a little tricky x
@fishers Thank you x
@craftymeg Thank you - much brighter colours than I normally use!
@Cherrill Thank you - i'm trying to keep talking to people :)
@pixiemac Thank you - I think food isn't necessarily the issue, but the way they were talking around me made me so confused as to whether they even agree with the ED diagnosis at all... our ED service is one person and I don't actually know anyone who finds her helpful so maybe the referral is a good thing but I wish I knew what I was being referred to...
@overalvandaan Thank you - it's nice to know people read it and learn something :)