Good stuff happened today. Life is going well. Things are more balanced than just about... ever. Lucky is lovely. I feel happy, I think. Or at least okay.
But then I want to cry. Because I don't feel okay. And it's closing in. And I've been trying to pin it down. There are a few things it could be. I think a big part of it is the lactose things and all of the connotations that come from that.
The fact that one of the products I had today tasted like anorexia, and all that that brought back. Some other thoughts. A realisation that anorexia is an absolute shitbag (that bits not a realisation, I knew that), and that it's going to have lasting impacts on my life. Forever. I'm lucky in a lot of ways. I have got away without too many lasting health problems which is a small miracle in many ways. But I haven't got away scott free. And though there are some bits of my health that should improve through recovery, this probably won't. I hate anorexia. I hate it I hateitihateit.
Sending hugs your way. You've come so far. What struck me about your photo is for there to be dark lines, there has to be some light. Focus on the light as best you can. Know that you're not alone. Not my shitbag...I have a different one. You're doing great. Remember that.
Every decision we make in life has repercussions. Some health related, some mental health, some relational, some financial- it's all there. Sometimes we wish we could go back and do over those decisions but we can't. So we move forward the best we can and if possible correct what we can. I saw the same thing as Sue- that in order to see the dark spots, there had to be light. Remember you have a lot of light in your life now which will sometimes show the worst of the dark spots. Keep moving toward the light!
I hope you can banish that product and find something else. I have found that solutions to things in life emerge out of nowhere - I hope you find that too. Take care.
@overalvandaan thank you! That was the aim :)
@olivetreeann Thank you, that's so true and so well put
@pyrrhula you write amazingly well in a second language
@helenhall hank you, I'm working on it!
@craftymeg thank you xxx