one for the road by summerfield

one for the road

for this week's "addiction" theme by five plus two.

addiction is the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.

i don't think i ever had experienced any addiction, at least not in a prolonged and uncontrollable manner. sometimes i would have the same kind of chocolate everyday but i'd reach my peak and i'd go for months without any craving. if 365 is an addiction, then it's my first and only one.

a long time ago, the first mr. summerfield was an alcoholic. it was hard for a young person to live with that; waking up in the middle of the night without him in bed and worrying what might have happened; or the telephone ringing in the dead of night, the caller asking you to come pick up your husband, or the police knocking at the door to deliver him safely. i braved going into cheap beer houses and paying off security guards and even the bar girls so that whenever they'd see him they'd lure him inside their establishments and they would call me. i paid them better than the trade they plied.

but he was a big man. more than six feet and beefy solid against my slightly more than five feet and less than a hundred pounds so i always had to ask for help to haul him inside the car. one time he smashed the car in a back alley, try putting that big person in a taxi with no help.

his shrink checked him at the psych ward of a well-known hospital and i was called in when he had a nervous breakdown and all he wanted to see was me. to go through double-barred and doubled-locked gates in a basement, to be gawked at and sometimes touched by people whose mind had already left their bodies, that was one surreal experience.

he stopped for a while, but when he returned to the bottle, the shrink had to include me in their sessions. he was using me as an excuse, that he felt insecure with the 22 years between us, i was young and he was old, that one day, i was going to leave him for someone younger. the irony was i left my boyfriend who was the same age as me for him.

but i wasn't the cause of his problem. i blamed it on his irish genes, but the real cause was the break up of his former marriage, the breakup of his sibling's marriage, the breakup of his daughter's marriage. he was afraid the same thing was going to happen to us. that fear was wrecking everything between us and so he hid behind the bottle.

i buried myself in my studies. but i stayed because i wanted to prove that he was wrong, that i wasn't going to leave him for someone younger, that i was there for keeps. but it was a draining experience. in the end, he stopped seeing the shrink while i continued for the next five years. seeing the shrink is good when you are still sane, because when you're out of your mind already, the shrink cannot do anything but give you pills that would only make you stay in that deep pit you're already in, and you wouldn't even know it.

when he passed away, i felt both sadness and relief. whenever i come across people with alcohol addiction in their families, it breaks my heart, because i know it is a long and tedious battle for everyone, and sometimes there are a lot of casualties.

Great image, tragic story. Life is complicated for sure...
September 11th, 2013  
What a cool photo to bring this topic home.
September 11th, 2013  
wow..what an emotional read. you opened up so many emotions for me. you have a heart of gold. photo ... what photo...? you know Vicki you should be a writer.. i am sure that life experience made you that much stronger. and 365.. an addiction. i concur.
September 11th, 2013  
Wow, what a story, and what an incredibly beautiful, heart wrenching narrative! Your picture caught my eye, but your words mesmerized me....usually I prefer the picture to tell the story by itself, I find that the words distract from it, but this time I will hand it to you; you have proved me wrong. Your story was powerful, and incredibly eloquently told. Thank you so much for sharing your pain and your triumph! You are an amazing person!
September 11th, 2013  
That must have been so very hard to try and help him, but just to see him getting worse. My friend's son was an alcoholic and sadly died almost two years ago, age 42. His parents and wife tried everything to help him, but the addiction was just too strong. I'm so glad you have now found a nice Partner. The photo says it all.
September 11th, 2013  
Wow, that's a tragic story. I can imagine the emotional roller coaster you were on. The image says it beautifully like you are closing the door on your past. Great job!
September 11th, 2013  
Great words. Powerful. I'm glad you were able to survive without being pulled down the rabbit hole too.
September 11th, 2013  
I have experienced addiction up close and personal. My grandfather, an alcoholic that I adored, killed himself. My husband is a 26 year sober alcoholic. I have been blessed.
September 11th, 2013  
Deb
Great job on the photo! Sad story.
September 11th, 2013  
You are an incredibly strong person Vikki; this story is beyond sad but it also tells of your hope he would/may change. My next door neighbour is an alcoholic, his wife, my friend, is still in denial. I am just here when she needs me.

Fab shot by the way
September 11th, 2013  
Thank you for sharing your story, lady. So sorry to hear it. Hugs to you. And love your powerful image to go along with it.
September 11th, 2013  
wow, thank you for sharing. Very powerful and personal story.
September 11th, 2013  
What a sad and touching story. You must be a very strong person to come through it without succumbing yourself. Now you deserve to be happy and have someone look after you. This is a powerful image too. Fav
September 11th, 2013  
Very emotional picture and powerful image.
September 11th, 2013  
That is one powerful image and a rather sad story. One that is repeated so many times. I admire your strength and your willingness to share this with us! :-)
September 11th, 2013  
This is very powerful and sadly not an uncommon story. Both Jeff and I are adult children of alcoholics. But thankfully for us, the alcoholic parent was able to conquer the addiction. This shot reminds me of a very personal moment between my mother and I. It was a sad lapse after her first time in detox. But it led to the second time and there was never another relapse after that one. Definitely a powerful image.
September 12th, 2013  
Sue
great image for your theme...I like that you are blurred in the picutre..it reminds me of that commercial about drinking...the more you drink the foggier the mind. It took me awhile to get the title because I kept mis-reading the title...thought it said addition...reading theme by five plus added (no pun intended) to my mind seeing the word addition instead of addiction....anywho, I can relate to your story about addiction...my mother was an alcoholic and there were many long nights listening to her story telling...(which were always the same!) I like this posting very much =)
September 12th, 2013  
This story makes this image quite powerful. Thank you for your willingness to share this. You are certainly one very courageous lady
September 12th, 2013  
oh Vikki! i'm so sorry... what a horrid way to live... the image is hauntingly perfect...
September 12th, 2013  
I can't believe the courage you've shown to share this with us. It's very fav worthy on both counts, but that doesn't seem like the right thing to do (speaking purely for myself), so please just accept my admiration, in all respects.
September 12th, 2013  
this shot and the accompanying narrative are heart-wrenching and painful. you are the amazing person you are today as a result of your life experience.
September 13th, 2013  
Vikki it must take a lot to share such a personal life event . What a strong mind and heart inside that petite body.
September 13th, 2013  
@mikegifford - thank you, mike. not tragic, just complicated. :-)

@sarasdadandmom - my friend, thank you.

@cheribug - 365 is an addiction i would advise anyone to take up. thank you, my cheribug. btw, i am a writer. :-) sometimes. maybe.

@panthora - osia, thank you for the kind words. i'm humbled and flattered.

@678tabby - that is sad about your friend's son. my heart goes out to them. thank you, june.

@ikamera - thank you, kiran, that's what i was going for.

@traceyhn - thank you, tracey. glad, too, rabbit holes don't smell good. :-)

@cdonohoue - so sorry to hear about your grandfather, but feels good knowing about your husband. you are blessed, indeed! thank you, cathy.

@deburahiru - thank you, deb. much appreciated.

@claireuk - sometimes denial is the only comfort. my problem was i thought i could make a difference. in a way, i did as he sought help, but he did it for me, not for himself. it doesn't work that way though. thank you, my friend claire.

@amandal - thank you, amanda, especially for the hugs. :-)

@bobfoto - thank you, jason; much appreciated.

@dh - thank you, d. it helped that i don't like the taste of alcohol; love helped, too, and i think that was the most important thing.

@henrir - henri, my good friend, thank you.

@salza - thank you, sally. sometimes, some things just need to be told because there happened to be a sympathetic ear to listen.

@olivetreeann - i am glad to hear about your mother. thank you for being here, ann.

@roth - that definitely sounds familiar, about your mother, i mean. thank you, sue.

@bkbinthecity - thank you, brian. much appreciated.

@northy - thank you, kiddo. much appreciated.

@kaesebiscuit - beggars are not choosers. thank you kindly.

@eniaral - thank you, laraine; much appreciated, my friend.

@lesip - no longer petite like that time, though. :-D thank you, leslie.
September 13th, 2013  
@summerfield psst. I know.. ;-)
September 13th, 2013  
I agree that this is a haunting image in view of your searingly honest account of your life with an alcoholic. You write eloquently and beautifully.
September 14th, 2013  
My eyes are filled with tears reading your story of what you endured my friend. Your inner strength is expresses with compassion and humility. You have touched me to the core of my being as I was one with addictions to alcohol and drugs. I have been free for over 25 year and thank the Lord everyday. It reminds me of what my young family at the time endured. I weep with love for you and for many other victims of this horrible intrusive lust for substances. Hold fast on your inner strength and keep publishing your memories for all to read as you have an expression of compassion that touches others so they may be healed by your sharing. Take care my friend until we meet again.
September 14th, 2013  
Wow Vicki. What a fantastic photograph. Thank you for sharing your story. I work with so many individuals with addiction issues and I have never heard it put so clearly from the side of a spouse or family member. A total FAV for everything that the image holds. A story all on it's own with out the narrative, the focus, DOF, POV. It's just a totally amazing image.
September 14th, 2013  
Your photo and narrative go so perfectly hand in hand. I take my hat off to you for both your image and your story telling; both touched an emotional spot. I don't really have the words to describe how powerful I think this amazing post is.
September 14th, 2013  
@cheribug - of course you know that i know you know, you know? :-)

@jackie8 - thank you, Jackie, and doubly so for the generous fav.

@cathrinemitch - cathy, with that little confession, you put a smile to my heart. i wish the same thing for everyone who wants to conquer this addiction or all addictions. thank you, cathy, and also for the generous fav.

@k1w1 - thank you, christine, and also for the generous fav. the suffering is always shared, just that the one who is actually afflicted does not know or recognize it.

@happysnap - thank you, linda; much appreciated.
September 15th, 2013  
What an incredible photo, it completes the story even without the narrative. Thanks so much for sharing your story of survival and may you continue to take your wonderful photos!
September 15th, 2013  
i am crying right now...and you know i am normally such a smart ass. i have an eerily similar story about my own ex-husband....but i am not brave enough to expose myself and tell my stories.........this has really touched me, and i want you to know that. On top of that, the photo is incredible......the figure in the back is haunting and foreboding...i'm sure the exact mood you were hoping for. very well done.
September 19th, 2013  
@sticksandstones - "i am not brave enough to expose myself and tell my stories" - kid, you just did! :-) thanks, kiddo.
September 21st, 2013  
@sticksandstones - and sorry if i made you cry.
September 21st, 2013  
@silverlight - thank you, Cheryl.
September 21st, 2013  
@summerfield no worries....it is coming out little by little in therapy anyway....and at least in this case i got to see a great photo beforehand....lol
September 22nd, 2013  
@sticksandstones - thank you, jenny. that's good about the therapy. it helps but the healing always depends on your willingness to heal.
September 22nd, 2013  
@summerfield so very very true......and you have to work on your own timeline, that's for sure. well, arent we glad to at least know we are very strong women?!....that's the pep talk i give myself on rough nights anyway......lol
September 22nd, 2013  
@sticksandstones - i knew why i like you at the outset. kindred spirits, eh?
September 22nd, 2013  
September 22nd, 2013  
either that or just plain suckas! lol
September 22nd, 2013  
@sticksandstones - bwahahahaha!
September 22nd, 2013  
tunning image Vikki, such a sad story.
September 25th, 2014  
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