The Tea Duel by swillinbillyflynn

The Tea Duel

In steampunk circles we have a very genteel way of resolving arguments and disagreements. It is called the Tea Duel.

It has distinct advantages over duelling with swords or flintlocks as no blood is ever spilt......... just the odd spot of tea when things get a bit boisterous..

For those interested in the finer points of the Tea Duel and a summery of the rules, check it out below.....

Tea Duelling Rules

Only tea may be used. Coffee? Chocolate? Don’t be facetious. Only tea.

Milk and sugar may be applied to taste.

Biscuits are traditionally all of the same variety to ensure fairness. As tea duelling has evolved, biscuits may be varied to allow for opponent tactics and strategies. Will you take a round chocolate digestive or a sturdy little Custard Cream? The choice, sir or madam, is yours.

Opponents must have cups of the same size and shape to avoid any ugly discussions of cheating.

The opponents must first shake hands and bow, then sit opposite each other across a table on which the tea and biscuits will be placed.

They may eyeball each other and make desultory comments designed to wilt the opponent’s focus as desired, but they must shake hands before the duel commences.

The Pot Master or mistress must pour tea for the opponents, taking care to ensure that the tea is sufficiently hot to allow for biscuits to crumble, and also ensuring that the same quantities of tea are poured into each cup.

The Tiffin Master or mistress hands the Dunkers a choice of biscuits on a serving plate and invites them to select their biscuit of choice with an announcement of “choose your weapon”. The Dunkers will each select their biscuit of choice.

Once a biscuit is handled, it must be chosen, with no substitution.

The Dunkers will hold their biscuits by the edge not more than six inches above the cup of tea.

On the Tiffin Master or mistress’s command of “Dunk”, both opponents will immediately lower their biscuit into the tea and hold it there, ensuring that biscuits are fully dunked with not more than half an inch above the surface of the tea.

The Tiffin Master or mistress will forcefully count to five. On a count of “five”, the Dunkers will raise their biscuits and attempt to eat them.

The entirety of the biscuit must be consumed for a clean “Nom”.

If both opponents secure a clean Nom, the Dunker who last ate their biscuit is judged to be the victor.

- Tea Duelling Strategy -

Opponents and umpires may consider the following:

Featuring a variety of biscuits is not traditional but does lead to added consideration of strategy.

If an opponent is too slow to dunk, or fails to hold their biscuit in the tea for the required length of time, this is not a clean dunk and the process must be repeated.

Opponents will do well to hold their dunked biscuit in the air for as long as possible. A speedy Nom is easily achievable – the goal is to be the last person to resort to a Nom.

If a biscuit falls into the tea or onto the floor, table or opponent, the opponent has been defeated.

Opponents may consider their holding strategy for dunked biscuits. Different biscuits require different strategies.

Practice hard, train yourself and organise a tea duelling association in a locality near you.

Let battle commence. DESTROY THE OPPOSITION. But do, do shake their hand before battle commences.

Fervent traditionalists take note: Tea Duelling should conform in full to the Articles of the Honourable Association of Tea Duellists THIRD EDITION 1899 (As compiled by the signatories of The Hague Convention, December 1899)
Haha - sounds fun! Love the outfits- went on my first steampunk outing with the camera club a few years ago and love what they wear!
January 14th, 2021  
@lyndamcg I remember the excellent photos you took at the time. :)
January 14th, 2021  
@swillinbillyflynn really! had a ball, do you go to the steampunk festivals Billy?! Was supposed to go back last October but due to covid it wasn't on! 😐
January 14th, 2021  
....a draw I think !
January 14th, 2021  
@lyndamcg Sadly, there aren't many such festivals here in Cornwal, it is more pirate festivals in these parts and we take part/perform at lots of them. So as far as the steampunk stuff goes, Kitty and I tend to do our own thing...... we go shopping to the supermarket in full steampunk regalia............... sometimes in full pirate kit............ and sometimes in a mixture of both. Steampunk pirates are a sight to behold. :)
January 14th, 2021  
Hello Billy welcome back. Just realized you were posting again.

Love this shot, sounds like lots of fun.

I went to my first steampunk festival at Goulburn a couple of years ago. What a fabulous day, loved it.
January 14th, 2021  
@onewing Hi Babs. Good to see you again. :)
January 14th, 2021  
Love the photo and great narrative...Things are a bit more intense in my area...but I would rather have a tea duel than "weapon" duel :).
January 14th, 2021  
It seems like a pretty complicated control, but based on the picture, it can be a fun game.

January 14th, 2021  
Coming to blows already...not ladylike!!
January 14th, 2021  
@swillinbillyflynn brilliant!
January 14th, 2021  
Lovely picture and narrative.
January 14th, 2021  
I think terrible facial expressions must be a part of the duel.
January 14th, 2021  
omg! i love this! such fun!!!
January 15th, 2021  
Love it!!
January 16th, 2021  
Can hand shaking stop in Covid times???
January 17th, 2021  
Brilliant
January 20th, 2021  
Good to see you back. Great pic and some very interesting info :)
You've got yourself a(nother) happy follower ;)
January 22nd, 2021  
@stimuloog Thank you... it's good to be back and see so many familiar faces are still here. :)
January 22nd, 2021  
Very funny and fun narrative too. :)
February 2nd, 2021  
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