1 by claycameras

1

I don't know where, or how, to begin.

So many things are different now. I'm a completely different person. I'm still me but now I'm... more.

I've spent the last two and half years finding myself again. Crawling out of the hole my ex-husband left my soul in has been absolutely brutal. For so long I couldn't even answer the simple questions of what my favorite song, book, or movie was. I couldn't tell anyone what kind of music or books or food I liked. It was terrifying to realize that I didn't know myself.

It brings me great joy to know that now, I can answer those questions. I know who I am. I know what I believe in, what I love, what I hate. I've realized all the ways that I've been mistreated and I won't be allowing it to happen again.

The looming depression, anxiety, and trauma is still with me. It will always be with me. But now I have a boyfriend who loves me, friends and family that support me, and communities where I feel like I belong. I have the support network that he worked so hard to wipe away.

Things are not perfect. I am not perfect.

But I'm so much better.

And I want to get back into writing. I miss creating and feeling like I was accomplishing something. I want those feelings back.

So I'm here again.
Just a warning - I'm planning to reupload all of my older photos so if you want to avoid the spam you may want to wait to follow me until I finish :)
August 12th, 2021  
oh I'm glad Ross found them for you!! Yu could always make them private and release them in dribs and drabs. WELCOME BACK
August 12th, 2021  
I'm so glad you decided to come back Carissa! Your work was always thoughtful and insightful, I am sorry to hear about the effect that one man had on you, but so glad to know another is erasing that with a better and more truer love. Keep writing, creating and enjoying the simple things in life. None of us are perfect- but sometimes even imperfection can help us to find joy in the day to day activities of life. You're in my prayers!
August 13th, 2021  
Oh, and just start right where you are- that's what I find to be the easiest!
August 13th, 2021  
@30pics4jackiesdiamond I always had the photo backups in various qualities, but I'm missing the narratives I wrote. I don't know yet if Ross is able to recover them.

@olivetreeann Thank you so much for your kind words, Ann! Its taken a long time to get used to being a person again but the journey has been so worthwhile.
August 13th, 2021  
First, amazing details on your capture. Secondly, so glad that you are back in this wonderful community. It has been one of the only "feel good" places that has gotten me through the isolation of 2020. Creativity is such an important outlet and your photos and narratives are among the very best - Welcome back!
August 14th, 2021  
@linnypinny I definitely missed this place a lot over the pandemic. The world has been sooo stressful.
August 14th, 2021  
@claycameras Yes, I totally agree. I worked from home from March-July 2020 before retiring (praise God) and I've have never been as miserable in my 45+ year career! Better now, but still have a long way to go.
August 14th, 2021  
@linnypinny I'm glad you were able to retire safely, but it makes sense that its been rough. Everything's quite wild right now!

Not much changed for me since my state basically changed nothing and didn't shut anything down, but that brought its own special type of fear and worry. Its been a lot to deal with.
August 15th, 2021  
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