I feel like I have nothing to say any more.
People ask me how I am and I don't know how to answer.
Am I okay?
No. Not really.
But I couldn't tell you why.
I can't point to where it hurts.
'There is no colour any more'.
'Everything is diluted'.
'My name sounds wrong in my mouth'.
'Nowhere feels like home'.
I am a collection of clichés.
A brain dump from the other morning which I liked so I journaled.
My mood has been so so so low the last few days and today on top of that my body also feels like it's giving up (which isn't surprising really, I'm amazed it's continuing to try and keep me alive). I did actually get some sleep last night (finally gave up on quetiapine being sedative and brought the promethazine back) but I feel like every part of me is about 3 days behind on sleep. So going to try and shower and change my PJs tonight (never know, might actually get dressed tomorrow lol) and aim for an earlyish night.
Thank you for continuing to be so wonderful and supportive, it really does mean a lot x
Even through your struggles your view of the world as seen through your camera and journaling is so beautiful and sincere. I pray your journey leads you out of your darkness.
That line about not being able to point where it hurts — that's such a profound thought, and sadly true for probably so many people. I like the splatter backdrop you displayed the words on.
It isn't true that you have nothing to say anymore - your photos and journal speak volumes. Your life may be a struggle at the moment, but you show so much talent. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
@alophoto Thank you - maybe one day I will reach the point where chocolate is a comfort rather than something to fear! @theserotonin I'm sorry you can relate
Ferry @pyrrhula wrote you something beautifully sincere. I feel his concern for you. Naomi, I know you've sen therapists, and it does help to have someone intervene a few times a week. But may I make a suggestion to you. I know it bothers others here for you as well as it does me. Do you have a friend who might go with you to a Chemist, take all your medications, and ask a professional to go through them with you? That person will be your first line of defense to tell you if you've got some bad interactions or if you're taking two meds that are similar. Write their suggestions down and take that to your next dr appointment. You SHOULD NOT be feeling foggy on such a regular basis. I was glad to read that you dressed and went out of the day following this, but get in the car and head to a Chemist. I think you just may get some good help right there. It's worth a try, dear friend.
@alophoto My Mum was a firm believer in chocolate curing everything! @overalvandaan I'm working on it :) @Weezilou My chemist count all of my tablets out for me and put them in boxes - 4 times a day, 7 days a week, there are a few who interact so I have to take them at seperate times. I'm going to ring the chemist tomorrow, though x
Sorry I thought I'd replied to you all but it deleted! @hellie@bfairfield Thank you xxx @kali66 I'm not but hopefully I will be soon. @aecasey Thank you so much x @pyrrhula Thank you, I do see professionals on a regular basis x @kwind Thank you :) @slash That is my aim! @lyndemc Thank you, it's both nice and not nice to know I'm not alone x @alia_801 Thank you, it means a lot that you can all understand my communication @taffy Thank you x @fishers Thank you so much, it means a lot that you can all understand my world a little bit @fayefaye Thank you xxx @craftymeg thank you - I'm working on the journalling thing :)
Have you any professional help and treatments ?
We are just amateurs with love.
Ian
@theserotonin I'm sorry you can relate
@hellie @bfairfield Thank you xxx @kali66 I'm not but hopefully I will be soon. @aecasey Thank you so much x @pyrrhula Thank you, I do see professionals on a regular basis x @kwind Thank you :) @slash That is my aim! @lyndemc Thank you, it's both nice and not nice to know I'm not alone x @alia_801 Thank you, it means a lot that you can all understand my communication @taffy Thank you x @fishers Thank you so much, it means a lot that you can all understand my world a little bit @fayefaye Thank you xxx @craftymeg thank you - I'm working on the journalling thing :)