I was so determined to try and make today a good day after the nightmare that was yesterday. I tried so hard. I let myself sleep in a little this morning. Then I took myself on a mediumish drive to a national trust place. I walked around the fardens with my camera and around the house/gallery. I had the windows in my car with happy music. I picked my flatmate up and went to the range quickly then came back and chilled.
But it didn't work. I'm not okay. I was almost in tears so many times walking around the gardens. Thoughts kept coming into my head (I kept trying to be mindful and in the moment but it's hard going sometimes). I feel flat. My legs are even worse since changing the type of quetiapine and it's sometimes unbearable. There were bikes at this place and old me would have gone on a long cycle ride and enjoyed it. Current me saw a sign directing people from one place to another - it said it was a 5 minute walk and I debated taking my car because my legs are so bad.
I feel so broken. I just hate it. I hate all of it. I don't know what else I can do. I desperately want to be okay and live my life but I don't know how to make that happen.
@aecasey Thank you :) X
@kali66 Thank you!!! Xxx
@kerristephens Xxx
@kjarn Thank you x
@365karly1 Thank you Xxx