Looking at this picture I can still remember how insecure this girl was. I figured dressing up or getting my picture taken would just make people laugh because they would think I didn't understand how hideous I was. Truly the grade school bullying had stopped by this time but the voices and laughter had been internalized to the point that I never tried to make new friends. I wish I could tell this girl how much better life was going to become in just two years. 16 year old Dixie was lonely and terrified of life but 18 year old Dixie was a college student with friends and my true love and a lot of hope.
I think often that the school experiences I had were bad enough that suicide seemed a hopeful option. Knowing I could kill myself meant that every day I lived through was because I chose to. Somehow that option gave me power and enough of a sense of control that I never gave up. Had I thought there was no escape I think I would have had to stop getting out of bed.
So now I tell kids, whenever you feel sick and hopeless, there comes a morning when you feel better. Suicide is only throwing away that chance to feel better.
Such a poignant story Dixie. I'm sure it must have been a very difficult time for you and when you look back now, you should be extremely proud of the strength you had to persevere! You are an inspiration to all.
I never would have made it through high school if not for my friends, so I'm glad that you found some in college. I know you didn't feel it, but I do think you're really cute in this shot! I'm also sure that when you share your experience and encourage kids to live through another day that your words are heard. They will listen to you because you've been there.
