Today could have ended better. Despite a good afternoon with Alexis which included a great soft-play time, a "cheeky" hot chocolate and marshmallow at the coffee shop with me, she was not playing ball at all this evening over bath and bed time and I ended up losing my temper with her.
The situation is difficult. I don't live with her, she has a 3 month old baby brother on the scene, and her mum is marrying someone in a couple of month's who is not the baby's daddy.
Make sense?!
I wish it could have worked out differently for Alexis' sake but it is the way it is and for the most part everything is fine. It just means for Alexis, life's probably a bit too complicated. I think the moments when I am around must be strange for her because all of a sudden she has two parents telling her what to do and she normally only has her mum, who in fairness does a great job. I find it hard too because as much as I love her, I also find it difficult to be cool all the time when things start getting out of hand.
She's amazing, and seems to mostly take it all in her stride, but it must all be a bit confusing to her. And getting angry doesn't help at all.
I wanted to post this because she's smiling, and happy, and I love any picture of her smiling. And i'm in the picture too, tickling her which I like.
I feel like a complete arse for having lost my temper, and I know she and I are on a very long, journey together forming a relationship that is unique, and difficult given the circumstances. It's harder given I don't live with her, and that my job means that weekends with her to myself are next to impossible, and I am trying a little to form a relationship elsewhere with another woman.
I love her more than anything and I'm off to bed reflecting on it, hoping that Saturday morning when I see her next (before she goes on holiday with her mum, brother and step-dad to be) comes round quickly so I can tell her how much she means to me.
Apologies if this is self-indulgent...it's kind of cathartic to write this so thought why not - I hope it doesn't offend anyone or take away anything from the image.
Night all...!
Steve- raising children is the most difficult of all jobs. I never feel like I have done a good job with my son. The great thing about them is their resiliancy. She knows you love her and that is what she will remember. Sorry you had a rough time. We have all been there. My son has both parents at home, but he will try us even in the same house. Have a good night!
She's a beautiful girl. Love her carefree laughter. So glad that you are in your daughter's life. She needs her daddy...there is nothing like that relationship for a little girl! Gorgeous capture of your time together.
Be proud of yourself for having a relationship with her despite the fact that things didn't work out with her mom. I have too many friends who's children's biological fathers decided that genetics was all that they wanted to contribute once the relationship was over.
I clicked on this image from the latest page because of the glee and happiness I could see from that thumbnail. Congratulations on being able to capture those emotions so clearly.
Thank you for sharing. Firstly assuming this is your daughter as it is not explicitly stated. She is beautiful and this is a great capture. It sounds like a very difficult situation but children are amazing at lots of things - being able to cope with situations that would make adults break is one of them as long as she knows she has people who love her unconditionally. Never beat yourself up about telling children off when they deserve it. The worst thing you could be to her, however nice it seems, is a weekend dad that buys her nice things and never tells her off. she needs to understand boundaries from both her parents. Having said that, I have never been in your situation so can never fully appreciate how hard it is. Hopefully things will settle after this time of flux
Loosing your temper Steve is- as many others have written already- just part of being human. The most important thing is, wherever life will carry you and Alexis, don't loose your 'connexion' to her, tell her that she's important to you show and tell her that she's being loved, every time you meet. Don't forget not only children grow, parents do as well, its a life long commitment and challenge
@scarlettau@spair@amandal@l2lumom@dealio@mandyj92@lucypics@gwhit123@khirsch Thank you all very much for your kind comments. I know losing one's temper is perfectly normal - I think I feel bad because I'm not there in the morning to try and make her forget all about it, I guess like my parents always were - hence the feelings of guilt following it all.
So doing it and leaving for a few days feels crappy. But I know I do my best and I love her so things in the end I think will be ok. You've all said some lovely things...thank you very much!
I couldn't say anything better than @gwhit123 George - you are to be commended for this comment! Laughter overcomes such a lot and its good to capture it on a photo!
what a wonderful capture of her exuberance, and a great way to capture the way you love her....a tough transition indeed and such difficult circumstances, but i know you will move forward in love....she will love hearing you tell her how much she means to you :)
Wow, you've really shared your heart here @stevecameras . Admirable with the tough road you're on....it's refreshing to read the real life.....Not just all the good stuff. Hey....as the saying goes: Love Conquers All! And, @khirsch , oh boy, that's the truth....we grow add much as the kids do, that's for sure! :)
I clicked on this image from the latest page because of the glee and happiness I could see from that thumbnail. Congratulations on being able to capture those emotions so clearly.
So doing it and leaving for a few days feels crappy. But I know I do my best and I love her so things in the end I think will be ok. You've all said some lovely things...thank you very much!