"Please feel free to admire my exquisite beauty as you pass by, but don't even think about stroking me. Do I look like the sort of cat who would allow a total stranger to stroke me?........... Well OK but you need to get your finger nails right into the back of my left ear where I have an itch I can't reach....... but only 5 strokes...... any more an I'll have your hand of OK."
He reminds me of my late lamented Whisky, who was a big character....