Bloody Printers by swillinbillyflynn

Bloody Printers

Is it just me or does everybody else have a love hate relationship with their printer?

I own several Canon printers and they are all as bad as each other..... I lead an enjoyable, exciting and stress free life, for the most part and the only fly in the ointment is bloody poorly designed and malfunctioning printers. They seem to be faulty by design.

I have many many complaints about them which I will list below

Canon's advertising told we this one could print 12 pages per minute..... but they lied to me....... This is the usual fiasco that ensues when I try to print 12 pages.......

I press print.

The printer then proceeds to rumble, rattle, swish print heads back and fourth, test the paper feed mechanism several times and generally faf about for several minutes.

Now it has been sitting there doing nothing for hours.... so why oh why couldn't it have been doing all this stuff when it wasn't busy. Oh no, it would rather wait until I need it, before it embarks upon a full 6,000 mile service.

Having finished faffing, it then prints the first two pages.... then tells me it is out of paper.

I load up the paper tray.

It prints another two pages.

It tells me that the magenta ink cartridge is empty.

I load a new magenta ink cartridge.

The printer fafs for 5 minutes, then tells me that the ink cartridge is not recognised.

I take the cartridge out, look at the squeaky clean chip on it's bottom, rub my greasy thumb over it and re insert it.

the printer fafs for 5 minutes and then prints another 2 pages.

It then issues a message saying that it has detected error code CM27635-14 and that I should contact a qualified cannon service engineer.

I go online and look up the error code, to find that this code means there is a paper jam in the paper feed area. (do I really need an engineer for that)

I take printer apart and remove the offending piece of paper with a slightly folded over corner out of the feed mechanism, rebuild the printer and press the resume button.

The printer then proceeds to spew out the remaining pages all over the floor.

I sort the pages into order and look at my watch to find that these 12 pages rather than taking one minute to print have taken nearer 24 minutes. That is half a page a minute in my book......

Now you would think that after all the years Canon had been making printers, they could have designed something more user friendly and helpful than this....... but no, it seems they have developed a "Oh look he's in a hurry" detection system and they do their very best to frustrate you at every turn.

However the one thing that infuriates me the most, grinds my gears and makes me want to drop kick it into Mevagissey Harbour, is when it starts telling me off.

The other day, I had turned the power off at the fuse box to fit a new light fitting and the next time I tried to print something I got a very curt message from my printer saying.

"the power supply was disconnected from the printer without powering the printer down. You must follow the correct procedure in future".

Now It's a bloody printer right........ it's not my boss..... and I am most perturbed at being told off by a non sentient inanimate object This message had a single response button marked OK....... and I thought... it is not only telling me off, but it is asking me to click OK to acknowledge my telling off and to agree not to do it again. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

It's not like it's a cheap printer either..... and the one I have in my studio is £800's worth of Canon Pro-1 printer which is even worse as it has 12 different ink cartridges and takes 20 minutes to warm up.

They are all faulty by design and Canon should do better. If cameras were like this I would give up on photography. :)







Haha - this had me giggling! I do feel your pain though! I use ours as little as possible as don't want to end up frustrated by the whole process! 🤣
March 12th, 2021  
OR...... "Computer cannot find printer" and they're right next to each other on the same desk
March 12th, 2021  
@30pics4jackiesdiamond Oh yeah, I forgot that one. :)
March 12th, 2021  
You and the cat are as bad as each other......patting at the tray and growling !
March 12th, 2021  
I hear ya!
March 12th, 2021  
They are always running out of ink.....ours gave up the ghost so I get my daughter to do it for me!
March 12th, 2021  
i had the unfortunate luck of reading this right after a big lunch and now i have indigestion from laughing too much. i think that you have to send this story to canon and threaten them that you will have this published if they don't clean up their act. oh, what the heck, we know they'll just probably have indigestion laughing at your story. faulty bloody *&%*#@!

@30pics4jackiesdiamond - i just told that to my computer yesterday, while on the phone with my boss giving me instructions on a document, and i said just wait a minute please and i'm printing the document when the computer said "computer cannot find hp blah blah blah" when i said in frustration within hearing of my boss: "what the fuck are you talking about, the bloody printer is right beside you!" and the printer kept whirring without a care in the world. i could hear my boss' wife asking him, what's so funny, and he was telling her what i said and what i was doing. damned printers!
March 12th, 2021  
thank you for playing with us this week, SBF. aces!
March 12th, 2021  
Like the Toby Jugs - Mrs S has 15 passed on to her by my late mother, including some of the same ones that you have.
March 12th, 2021  
Great shot.
March 12th, 2021  
funny.., last time i used my printer it had a paper jam and i must have bodged something when i freed the paper so now its collecting dust
March 13th, 2021  
Sorry Billy I have had 3 printers in 14yrs 1st was H/P brand new was consigned to the tip within 6months all your above kept happening to that, 2nd was a CANON that lasted till last summer when it just died of old age, got a new CANON printer no problems, not spent more than £200 for the 2 of them.
So I'm a tight fisted bugger rather keep my local brewerie going.
My problem is the computer never obeys me things don't appear where I put them then it will go on go slow and take hours to do any thing etc etc etc. Its a Dell hell machine sent to ruin my retirement.
March 13th, 2021  
@hobgoblin To be fair, I do use my printer a lot. never had one last more than 2 years before they die. :)
March 13th, 2021  
@summerfield Sorry about the indigestion...... but I do enjoy a good rant. :)
March 13th, 2021  
@vignouse This is Kitty's collection. she tries to find ones that look like members of our band (The Pirates of St. Piran) there are about 20 of us and she has most of them now.
March 13th, 2021  
Printers, microwaves and washing machines, they think they're the boss with their beeping and their desire for attention! Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!
March 13th, 2021  
Hahaha fabulous
March 14th, 2021  
Eddie Izzard has a funny short bit about printers. Ctrl, P, Print…
Audio only (3½m), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhB09NGzWEc (Explicit, of course!)
Video (7m), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6C_HjWr3Nk
I share your pain. I've just given up on my very last HP product. Specs sheet says the printer I bought prints up to 8.5×14, but there's nowhere to put 14" paper. Worthless tech support. Took it back and bought a Brother laser because I'm also tired of buying ink cartridges.
May 17th, 2021  
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