They are an amazing organisation and amazing photographers! I read this this morning also...with tears streaming down my face.
If I ever get good enough it is my goal to donate some of my photography time to them and these families.
There are quite a few photography groups that I remember reading about a few years ago that are doing this for families. It take a special person to be a compassionate photographer during these very personal moments. My heart goes out to those suffering the lose of a loved one. My kudos goes out to those who are there to make those moments more special.
I'm not sure how I feel about this. I'm torn. My logical side understand why some people would need to do this. It helps the healing process although I doubt anyone ever 'heals" from such a tramatic loss. Another part of me feels it is a little creepy. I'm mean, doing a family portrait with a dead infant? I just dunno. I felt more sorry for the little five year old girl who had to watch her parents fall apart when they brought in the dead baby from the mortuary. What kind of scars is that going to leave? Will these familes ever find joy or comfort in viewing these photos in the future? I'd think they would elicit more grief and pain, no matter how much time would elapse. Where does one draw the line? Is it okay to now have a photographer at family wakes? Would you ask little Johnny to climb into the coffin, put his arm arounf Uncle Phil and smile?
I'm not condemming or condoning this. Like I said, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. Just playing Devil's Advocite while I mull it over in my mind.
I only wish I'd known of this before now. Unfortunately, I have too many friends and know too many more who have been through this loss and none of us knew!
@cromwell I get what you're saying... for them, it is still their child, still their baby and what upsets them more is when people forget they existed for them, even if it wasn't on this earth. They existed in their lives and hearts for however long it was. They existed. They do still exist and this is all some of them will ever have to see their beloved ever. We are fortunate to be able to see our beloved in the flesh. I have some close friends who have been through this not too long ago and to have just a few photos of them to hold forever, is all they have.
@ozziehoffy -- I get that "intellectually and emotionally", but another part of me still goes "Ick!". Not saying either view is right or wrong. I'm just having trouble wrapping my head around it all.
I do tend to agree with you @cromwell as I am torn also. I can absolutely understand having some photos taken of a infant that has passed to always have that memory, but I dont know that I would feel comfortable with a "family portrait". Especially if there were siblings involved. I guess everyone would have to do what is comfortable for them and their families but I think there would be some scars if there were siblings involved in a session with a dead infant. Just my opinion.
@cromwell I am a believer of open emotion, you can't pretend these things didn't happen as hard as they are to deal with. It may scar some children but other it may teach that death and grief is normal not something to be kept a secret. Shutting a child off from it all pretending it didn't happen may also scar a child. Their really is no right or wrong in this situation..each family has the right to grieve in their own way.
This was their child, they deserve to have memories. They would already have photographic memories of uncle Phil to remember him by, their precious baby they would not. (not arguing just a different view point ;) )
Whilst I know for sure I don't have the skills yet to do anything like this, I'm not sure I'd ever have the strength to do it. I greatly admire those that do and think its great that they are there for people who want it. I don't think any of us can possibly know how we would react in a situation like that and whilst its not something everyone may want, I'm glad something like this exists for those people who, unfortunately, need to avail of it...
@gabrielklee Thanks for sharing this article Gabriel - of course it brought back powerful memories for me and tears as well. I hope to be able to donate some of my time one day for this purpose.
@superbeyotch@cromwell Maybe I can help put things in perspective since I just lost my son Julian eight weeks ago and I wish that I had more photos of him. Consider this, I only spent about 2 hours with him and that's all I will ever have. When I look at the few photos that I have of him, they do bring back grief but I will always cherish them forever and I wish that I had a few more. Will these photos ever elicit joy from me - of course not as it was a tragic loss but do all the photos you take have to elicit joy? It is a memory that I will never forget and never want to forget.
Both of you stated "family portrait" and I think both of you are acting like the family is there smiling with a dead baby and that isn't the case. Did you see all the photos? http://hesperasgarden.com/2011/08/heartfelt-1/ The photographer captured the real moments that they shared with their son. None of it was posed and I wish that I had a photographer there to capture a few moments that I had with my son because I simply couldn't do both.
@mummarazzii -- I guess everybody deals with death differently. To me, death should be a very private moment. My parents never took us kids to wakes or funerals. When grandma died, well...you just didn't see grandma anymore. That was it. In fact, I didn't see a dead body until I attended a wake in my late 20s.
After giving this matter more thought I think my problem with it was including the little girl in all this. I don't think it was healthy at all to have that child pose with a corpse. Seeing that photo of them together did not elicit an "Aw, how cute." response in me at all. Posing that kid (or any kid) next to her dead sibling was just wrong (in MY opinion). It made me a bit sick to my stomach. Sorry, to those who disagree and think that was a precious moment. To me it was not. It was just morbid.
@cromwell and I respect your opinion. My children have been to their dads funeral and their great grandmothers...they have also seen their siblings covered in tubes and wires fighting for their lives. We are very open. I agree we all deal with death differently.
@chriswang my thoughts are with you Chris, this must be very close to your heart. Well said.
I read this about a half an hour ago and came back to comment. I have a Great Grandson due any minute now so really difficult to read. And I'm trying to figure out if this is something I could do. I volunteered at our local large teaching hospital for quite some time as a pet therapist with my Maggie before her Addison's Disease shot her nerves. She was a rock steady therapist that sat on many a bed in the neurosurgical ICU and trauma floors. We were invited in with families following deaths. I saw a lot of pain and heartache. But nothing quite like this. I am really glad I stumbled on the discussion and am going to file it away if I ever get good enough to even think about trying to do this. It would take a very special personality and I don't know if I would be capable of it. Give me a gunshot wound any day.
@chriswang I am very sorry for your loss Chriss - I am pleased you have some photos of your precious boy. You and your family are in my thoughts.
A good friend of mine had a stillborn child a coulple of years ago and the photos that were taken (not by this organisation - but just snaps) are cherished by the family. Very difficult to view from my perspective - but absolutely cherished.
I am sure I do not know these skills, what has not yet been made, I have the energy I 'd sure man. Those that do, and he greatly enjoys the people there, I think its great. We do not have that kind of situation that we are likely to respond, www.eblogz.net and it is not possible to know something that everyone who might want to think, I unfortunately, is also required for its ease, www.xsharethis.com happiness is something that people like the man exists
Write a Reply
Sign up for a free account or Sign in to post a comment.
Tweets ahoy!
Join the Group
Pin With Me
If I ever get good enough it is my goal to donate some of my photography time to them and these families.
Thank you for sharing the article
I'm not condemming or condoning this. Like I said, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. Just playing Devil's Advocite while I mull it over in my mind.
@cromwell I get what you're saying... for them, it is still their child, still their baby and what upsets them more is when people forget they existed for them, even if it wasn't on this earth. They existed in their lives and hearts for however long it was. They existed. They do still exist and this is all some of them will ever have to see their beloved ever. We are fortunate to be able to see our beloved in the flesh. I have some close friends who have been through this not too long ago and to have just a few photos of them to hold forever, is all they have.
This was their child, they deserve to have memories. They would already have photographic memories of uncle Phil to remember him by, their precious baby they would not. (not arguing just a different view point ;) )
@superbeyotch @cromwell Maybe I can help put things in perspective since I just lost my son Julian eight weeks ago and I wish that I had more photos of him. Consider this, I only spent about 2 hours with him and that's all I will ever have. When I look at the few photos that I have of him, they do bring back grief but I will always cherish them forever and I wish that I had a few more. Will these photos ever elicit joy from me - of course not as it was a tragic loss but do all the photos you take have to elicit joy? It is a memory that I will never forget and never want to forget.
Both of you stated "family portrait" and I think both of you are acting like the family is there smiling with a dead baby and that isn't the case. Did you see all the photos?
http://hesperasgarden.com/2011/08/heartfelt-1/ The photographer captured the real moments that they shared with their son. None of it was posed and I wish that I had a photographer there to capture a few moments that I had with my son because I simply couldn't do both.
After giving this matter more thought I think my problem with it was including the little girl in all this. I don't think it was healthy at all to have that child pose with a corpse. Seeing that photo of them together did not elicit an "Aw, how cute." response in me at all. Posing that kid (or any kid) next to her dead sibling was just wrong (in MY opinion). It made me a bit sick to my stomach. Sorry, to those who disagree and think that was a precious moment. To me it was not. It was just morbid.
@chriswang my thoughts are with you Chris, this must be very close to your heart. Well said.
JMO. If posing for a photo with their dear departed helps people get over their loss, more power to them.
A good friend of mine had a stillborn child a coulple of years ago and the photos that were taken (not by this organisation - but just snaps) are cherished by the family. Very difficult to view from my perspective - but absolutely cherished.