(fiction that I was unable to make any less heavy handed ... )
My dearest daughter –
I received your letter and have been trying to understand your dissatisfactions with my parenting. I have only ever wanted the best for you and I think you are so intelligent and so capable. It is true that I left your apartment quite upset. I do not think that staying up all night watching movies in bed is any way to live. I think doing so is a waste of time and that you could be spending your time so much more intelligently. But if you have inferred from this that I disapprove of you and your every action, you are wrong.
For starters, I think that you are very kind to your neighbors. I can’t imagine anyone but you inviting Miss Jessica up for dinner, though I was surprised at the disparaging remarks you made about her after she went home. I’m not sure if you are actually charitable if you don’t like her. If you dislike someone, you can’t make up for that by feeding that person. But that is a matter I will leave between you and your conscience.
I also think that you are very good at managing money. You always have reserves. I’m so glad that my daughter is independent in this way. You never ask for anything and don’t seem to lack for anything. You mentioned in your letter that I never approved of the way you dress. That is not at all true! You look like an artist! And you always dress modestly. I think that you might consider investing in some better clothing. Shopping at Goodwill is not a way to save money. A good haircut would not hurt, either. You will only be respected if you look the part that you wish to play. As you are working in an office, I’m sure you don’t want to be taken for the cleaner. Perhaps consider throwing out the clothing that has stains. I still wonder where your little two year old self went! You ate so daintily when you were two years old. You were so neat. That darling little two year old would never have left her bedroom floor piled high with clothes as yours is now.
I also think that you are intelligent. I admire the way you have made your way through school and the fact that you are getting an advanced degree. You said I didn’t appreciate your studies. Of course I do! I do wonder whether reading books about dragons and princes and named swords is actually worthwhile. Plus, a degree in literature will allow you to teach high school, and I’m not sure you will be happy as a high school teacher. We are not social butterflies, you and I. I think you would do better to take up a research field. But, as your father and I always said, you can become whatever you wish, so long as you do it well.
I am glad that you stopped dating the Japanese fellow. The cultural differences between you were just too great. I was slightly disturbed to hear you express the depth of your feelings against him. No human being can be that bad, and it’s not good to hold grudges. You need to love him even if you never see him again. This is true especially if you slept with him, which I think you did, though I told you never to do so as the woman is always the loser. I’m pretty sure you lied to me on this subject. I’m not sure why you do not feel that you can tell your mother the truth. I’ve tried your whole life to teach you that truth is always best. But, I think you need to cultivate more forgiveness in your heart, something else I’ve tried to teach you. You are better than those who hurt you. But you may have hurt yourself in that situation by giving too much too soon. If you had not slept with him, he would not have been able to hurt you.
Always remember that you are the flower of the world! Critical thoughts about other people make you ugly. You said you were volunteering at the local homeless shelter. But that cannot possibly mean anything if all your motives and actions in every aspect of life are not pure.
I look forward to seeing you at home for Thanksgiving next week. Your letter described plans you claim to have made, but I don’t believe that you would have made plans that didn’t include coming home. When you do, could you please bring the reading glasses I left on your kitchen table? Although I can type, it’s difficult for me to re-read what I have written without those glasses. So please forgive me if I’ve made any errors in this letter.
A FAV!