So it's winter but this shot apparently looks autumnal. It's the first time I've ever added a texture into anything... I still use PicMonkey (premium) to edit everything but maybe one day I'll learn how to do it 'properly'.
Thank you so much for all of your kind comments yesterday. Today has been a little better side-effects-wise, though still not great. I'm a little more human and I managed to get out of the house to snap this at the nature reserve behind my flat, and to go to the shop quickly.
I managed to sleep a little better last night now I've worked out how to support my limbs/muscles enough for the pain/aches to be a little less (I literally have to prop myself on cushions and box myself in with blankets/other soft things). I'm still very sleep deprived, though. Seeing my GP on Tuesday can't come soon enough - I think I'm going to ask her if I can go back on my sleeping tablets alongside these meds. I still have them prescribed but they told me not to take them with quetiapine, but I'm really not sleeping well, so we'll see. I'm hoping the side effects continue to subside because I'm supposed to double the dose again in 5 days :/ It can feel like an absolute minefield juggling my mental health, physical health, meds (all 17 of them, not all of which I take because I'm useless), and everything else.
I'm also currently having a major confidence crisis over my ability to write (despite people's lovely comments), my ability to crochet/knit (so the Etsy stuff has stalled because I just feel like nobody will buy anything/it's not good enough/it's a waste of time etc.), and I haven't art journalled since Monday (I think showing my CPN on Tuesday and having a not-really-anything response has knocked me a bit). I'm spending so much time paralysed by my own perceived inability to do anything much at all. I feel like I *should* be doing stuff, I'm just not, and some of what's stopping me is physical but some is mental and that's so frustrating.
My first Blurt blog was published today, though (the one I wrote last Friday), it's the first one published since summer, they've edited the first paragraph slightly, and I'm not really happy with the rest of it because I feel like it could be longer/more helpful, but anyway, here it is: https://www.blurtitout.org/2017/02/03/depression-coping-particularly-difficult-mornings/
the blog post is very informative, i dont know if i told you one of my sons is currently pretty depressed and i have noticed his sleep pattern is way out of whack a lot of the time, i am sure it doesnt help when he stays awake long hours into the night on the computer and after days of that sleeps all through the day sometimes. no telling him though! hard to get him to talk about it too. :(
and as much as i would like to think i could explain this to him and he would be ok, you know it all, do your best to follow your own advice and still feel like crap.(. pardon me but i think that is accurate!) hard to watch a loved one suffering this xxx
Absolutely fabulous with its little wisp of focus! FAV! And I must say, I love your writing style. Its easy, flowing quality leads me word after word; and before I know it, I'm at the end of the story and wishing it would continue. Follow your dreams, Naomi! You have what it takes!
Beautiful close up of this nice Autumn leave.
Our national TV has spent a two hours special of depression illnes to make it more understandable to people . It seems that a lot ( more then 20%) has this disease more or less.
Love your depth of field and focus on the tip of the leave, it's gentle, love the warm brown colour. Tonight I wish you a 'feather bed', one that you can sink in and the softness carries your limbs. Hope you have a good night again.
@hellie thank you - I loved seeing it, he's so cute! And it meant alot that you shared it with me so thank you x @kali66 it's so hard and I don't know the answer. I know my Dad wants to 'fix' me but there is no easy fix. I try to follow my own advice, and I'm firmly convinced I'd be worse without it. It's been noticeable the effect this latest lack of sleep has been having on me. I'm getting 'glimmers' now which I wasn't a few weeks ago. It's hard when your mood is low to have the motivation to do the things that help. Does he have anyone to talk to/a good GP?x @taffy@slash@joemuli@suklassen@kwind@fayefaye Thank you all Xxx @janetb Thank you, that means so much. I've journalled a bit tonight and blogged this morning, so trying to keep ono going! @pyrrhula it's a very common disease but sadly still very misunderstood. @overalvandaan That would be amazing! I can dream...
@kali66 I think often it's about finding the best way for *you* as an individual to communicate. Some it's speech, others it's writing or art or music... I struggle to speak out loud
February 5th, 2017
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Our national TV has spent a two hours special of depression illnes to make it more understandable to people . It seems that a lot ( more then 20%) has this disease more or less.
@kali66 it's so hard and I don't know the answer. I know my Dad wants to 'fix' me but there is no easy fix. I try to follow my own advice, and I'm firmly convinced I'd be worse without it. It's been noticeable the effect this latest lack of sleep has been having on me. I'm getting 'glimmers' now which I wasn't a few weeks ago. It's hard when your mood is low to have the motivation to do the things that help. Does he have anyone to talk to/a good GP?x
@taffy @slash @joemuli @suklassen @kwind @fayefaye Thank you all Xxx
@janetb Thank you, that means so much. I've journalled a bit tonight and blogged this morning, so trying to keep ono going!
@pyrrhula it's a very common disease but sadly still very misunderstood.
@overalvandaan That would be amazing! I can dream...