I've been really unsure and nervous about posting this because it's not the most attractive but here goes...
I found the photos on the left when I was going through my phone the other day. I don't remember taking them. I don't know why I took them, maybe to try and make some sense of what was going on. But that was just before Christmas. I was so unwell. I remember looking in the mirror and bursting into tears because I didn't recognise my own face. I could hardly move. I could hardly speak. Moving from bed to chair was as much as I could manage. At one point I couldn't even drink tea because reaching for the mug was too much effort.
Depression is a cruel disease. It takes everything from you. Everything.
The photos on the right are from the past few weeks. Things aren't perfect and I have a long way to go with some stuff, but they are so much better. I'm able to work (I'm up to 30hrs a week"), to create, to speak to people. I'm able to think. I get up at 6:30/7 most days. I can smile. I can recognise myself in the mirror. I'm not suicidal 24/7. I'm learning to be me.
The reason I wanted to post this is because I see so many people struggling and suicidal right now. I want to let people know that it can get better. I remember telling the crisis team that I don't remember ever not having depression. I'd tried so many meds and so much therapy but nothing helped. They told me I was unusual. But my current mix of many meds seems to be helping. My head feels clearer that it has in years. I just want to say to people - don't give up on hope. Or if you can't manage that, let someone else hold the hope for you for a little bit.
Depression has tried to take my life so many times. But I'm still here. I'm still fighting. I 100% believe that EVERYONE who's currently living with depression is strong as hell, and together, recovery is possible.
