GP this morning was lovely and helpful as always. I'm annoyed with myself about some stuff but I have a task to do so I can focus on that which is good.
CMHT was awful. The guy seems lovely, but the short version is that they have diagnosed me with something without telling me (who even knows how. I've seen a psych for about 20 mins in Feb for a meds review and that was it since March 2016 which was another 20 min meds review) and due to the St. Andrews referral not happening, it doesn't look like they're going to help me at all.
There were a lot of questions. Also a few more lies in my notes. We had a lot of conversation but it was clearly all coloured by that diagnosis once he had read it. I wouldn't mind so much if I thought I had the condition, but I don't. Everyone who knows me knows that.
The couple of people I've told are really angry. My flat mate literally cried in frustration and L was speechless down the phone.
Personally, I'm just done. I'm broken. I'm tired. I can't keep going with this. I don't know where I go from here. I will probably scrape myself up and carry on like always but right now I am tired. I am upset. And I need to stop crying.
Your creativity and art work leave me in awe. You are so insightful and bring such a unique portrayal to your journals ... I'm so sorry for your struggles.
@lynnz Thank you - I'm learning to begin to think of myself as an artist! @alophoto Thank you, I'm hoping to regroup soon x @aecasey Thank you so much, this means a lot. Xxx @linnypinny Thank you Xxx @kali66 Xxx a few people are pretty angry. I just feel defeated x @kjarn Thank you - a personality disorder. They haven't told me which one. Or who diagnosed it. Or when it was diagnosed. Or why. But it's so stigmatised and once it's on your notes you're pretty much stuffed Xxx
Hey Naomi. I know several people who have survived that ridiculous and meaningless diagnosis and moved on leaving it behind in the bowels of their notes or erased from their notes. I can see why it makes you angry. Ive followed you here, and on twitter, and read a couple of your blogs. You are a highly competent, caring person fully capable of functioning well, without a hint of personality disorder shining through. Hold on to what you know and what is helpful about the services being provided. dismiss the rest as unhelpful and uninformed. Being you, without being ill, should be awesome.
June 18th, 2017
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@alophoto Thank you, I'm hoping to regroup soon x
@aecasey Thank you so much, this means a lot. Xxx
@linnypinny Thank you Xxx
@kali66 Xxx a few people are pretty angry. I just feel defeated x
@kjarn Thank you - a personality disorder. They haven't told me which one. Or who diagnosed it. Or when it was diagnosed. Or why. But it's so stigmatised and once it's on your notes you're pretty much stuffed Xxx