Happier Days by onewing

Happier Days

This is one of my favourite photos of my daughter Zoe taken many years ago at her Year 10 School Formal.

For those of you who have followed my project for some time, you will know that Zoe tragically died on the 3 February 2013.

Today would have been her 38th birthday.

Sadly too, the young man in the photo, who was one of Zoe's best school friends, also died tragically about 3 years ago. The car he was driving was hit by a drunk driver and he and his girlfriend were killed instantly.

I don't want this to be a sad picture. The point I want to make is that whoever is important in your life please tell them that you love them because you never know how quickly your lives can change.

My other daughter Deb and I started 365 at the beginning of January 2013 and I wasn't sure if I should continue after Zoe died, but I felt sure she would have wanted me to carry on. It was the best thing I ever did because it made me go out each day and look for something good in the world when things were looking so bleak.

The support I have received from you all during the last year has been amazing and I want to thank you all so much. Words really can't describe how you have all helped me.

A few days after Zoe died, David, Deb and I were just about running on empty emotionally and we had to go to the local supermarket. Outside the supermarket was a young chap who I have since found out is called Henry Shanks. He is a New Zealander and travels around Australia playing a handpan. I took his photo on the 9 February last year playing the handpan outside the supermarket. I have since found him on youtube and here is his music
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wonrRPr1oM4 if anyone is interested in listening. At the time it just lifted my soul. I stood listening to him for quite some time and eventually had a chat with him too. He was a beautiful person and got a lovely hug from him. I had never heard of a handpan before and if anyone is interested here is an explanation of what it actually is.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0h4syLlw5g
This chap is called Daniel Waples and he is brilliant. I seem to be drawn to buskers with dreadlocks etc. for some reason.

It took me a while, but I have got my sense of humour back now (It was under the bed)!!! and I have more good days than bad ones now.

Today's Port Stephens photo
http://365project.org/onewing/topics/2014-03-23
I started my project to help me recover from my best friend tragically passing away... It really was the best thing i did.. It made me "get out" and discover new things and it gave me something else to think about and focus on... Im so glad you continued your project @onewing...
Happy Birthday Zoe xxx
March 23rd, 2014  
oh Babs - I cannot begin to imagine your feeling of loss for your daughter - but I so understand the "whoever is important in your life please tell them that you love them because you never know how quickly your lives can change" - it is ridiculous how quickly things can change - we need to cherish every moment and enjoy the time we have
March 23rd, 2014  
@mrsbaldy I know, I remember, you have been so helpful to me over the last year, thank you. Take care xx
March 23rd, 2014  
A lovely photo of your daughter and precious memories to hang onto in the times of sorrow. I'm glad 365 and your other daughter have been of help to you
March 23rd, 2014  
What a lovely picture of Zoe!! ♥
March 23rd, 2014  
What a lovely picture Babs. I'm so glad that you kept going with 365.
March 23rd, 2014  
You are a true inspiration Babs, to have come through such a tragedy and be smiling on the other side. You are right, Zoe would have wanted you to carry on and its because of her that you did. She will always be your daughter and a huge part of your life, Happy Birthday to Zoe, she looks so beautiful.
March 23rd, 2014  
Xx...they say time is a great healer.....I dont know about that, but I do know that when my beloved brother found out he was terminally ill he said to me, dont be sad... remember me only in the happy times, and I do......
...luckily for me....my son reminds me of him very much.....my heart goes out to you, Babs...
March 23rd, 2014  
Thinking if you today Babs, on what will be a difficult day. Love is eternal and Zoe will always live on in your heart, no one can take that from you. You are so right when you say we never know what is around the next corner, life can deal some cruel and unexpected blows. This is a wonderful community, as much for its friendship as its photography.
March 23rd, 2014  
I'm so sorry to hear that, It takes such strength and courage to get on with life after something so tragic. It is a great picture, you can see such character in her eyes, thank you for sharing it with us and for being an example of how to find the strength to carry on.
March 23rd, 2014  
Oh my Babs, this has made me so sad, but what an inspiration you are. After many years of working in Emergency Departments, I have seen the fragility of life and how our life can change in a blink of an eye. Take care my friend, Zoe was a precious gift to you both:-)
March 23rd, 2014  
Thank you for sharing this beautiful photo of Zoe and thank you for teaching us that life can go on if we can find the strength and courage as you have. You really are a special person and an inspiration Babs. I haven't posted any pics for a few days or been around to comment as we are having a bit of a crisis with Lizzie. Since Wednesday she has been passing out for no apparent reason and was taken to a&e from work on Friday as they were so worried. They have done all the obvious tests and been very thorough but so far nothing conclusive. She still has to have a 24 hour heart monitor tape thing to do as she does have a bit of previous with her heart. She is staying with us so we can keep an eye but it's worrying. We have to hope all will resolve itself somehow.
March 23rd, 2014  
I can't really find the words other than to send you all the kindest of thoughts.
March 23rd, 2014  
Babs, what can I say except she will be with you always. This is a beautiful photo of her. A hug from me.
March 23rd, 2014  
@mrsbaldy @annied @flyrobin @joeyc @net @heidihp @ourrube @jackie8 @karlow75 @hermann @paulaw @tryingforsighs @wanabe Thank you all so much for your kind words. Sorry for the group reply, but to reply individually would be too emotional. I really do appreciate all the support I have had this year through 365 and all of you have helped the healing.
There are not too many things worse than when the police knock on your door to inform you that your daughter has just died. However traumatic it was for David and I, we have to appreciate how difficult it is for the police too and any emergency services especially the ones who tried their best to bring Zoe back to life. I have nothing but admiration for all of them. They must suffer dreadfully from the things they experience. I have a friend who is a retired forensic police photographer who suffers dreadful flashbacks from the things he has had to take photos of during his career.
A few days after Zoe died, David, Deb and I were just about running on empty emotionally and we had to go to the local supermarket. Outside the supermarket was a young chap who I have since found out is called Henry Shanks. He is a New Zealander and travels around Australia playing a handpan. I took his photo on the 9 February last year playing the handpan outside the supermarket. I have since found him on youtube and here is his music http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wonrRPr1oM4 if anyone is interested in listening. At the time it just lifted my soul. I stood listening to him for quite some time and eventually had a chat with him too. He was a beautiful person and got a lovely hug from him. I had never heard of a handpan before and if anyone is interested here is an explanation of what it actually is. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0h4syLlw5g
This chap is called Daniel Waples and he is brilliant. I seem to be drawn to buskers with dreadlocks etc. for some reason.
I may copy this info to the explanation of this picture in case others may be inspired with the music.
Thank you all again. I'm off to bed now I am shattered. Night night.
March 23rd, 2014  
@paulaw So sorry to hear that Lizzie is having health problems. I am sure they will find an explanation soon. It must be terribly worrying for you though in the meantime and my thoughts are with you. Please keep taking photos though, there is nothing more therapeutic than looking for something good in the world, believe me!!! A big hug from me and take care xx.
March 23rd, 2014  
@paulaw - oh no Paula. I've just read this, do hope they find out soon what is happening with Lizzie. It could be just a little irregularity or valve adjustment needed, do hope you find the cause soon. Lizzie will be well looked after by you too which will help I'm sure. Thinking of you and hope all will be well soon.
March 23rd, 2014  
I was so shocked to read this Babs......how our friends lives on here are a revelation sometimes....you are a very gutsy lady & Zoe will be proud of you. It is amazing how this project helps a wee bit towards the healing process....one of my followers has had a similar tragedy & she has been helped enormously. I find that people can express their feelings in words of comfort & grief when they do not know the person physically....we all want to give comfort to someone who is grieving but face to face we sometimes do not know what to say.
Many hugs & I will check out your singing friend. Chin up to the whole family ! xxxxxx
March 23rd, 2014  
I'm so sorry to read this Babs. I think you have great courage and I just want to send you a hug. I'm fairly new here and you've been really kind. I'm thinking of you. This is such a beautiful photograph. I'm glad you've carried on with your photography. I find doing this project helps me too. Take care x
March 23rd, 2014  
My heart goes out to you Babs. I can't begin to imagine the pain of losing your beautiful daughter. Thank you for sharing your story. I am listening to Henry's handpanning on youtube right now. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
March 23rd, 2014  
oh Babs so sad to read this your Daughter was a very pretty lady so sorry for your loss my thoughts are with you and your Family take care x
March 23rd, 2014  
I do not mean to sound Heartless Babs but i think that Drunk Driver should got Life too i have no time for Drink Drivers who kill people in a car accident they should go to prison for life .
March 23rd, 2014  
Babs, I had no idea. I'm so sorry to hear this - what a beautiful photo. You are quite right - lives can change quite suddenly and best not to put things off too long. It's a lovely picture to remember Zoe and her friend by. I wish you peace and comfort.
March 23rd, 2014  
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. There aren't words to truly comfort you but know my tears are landing on my iPad. Selfishly I'm glad you continued with 365. Your wit and humour always gives me a chuckle and hopefully a little is returned.
March 24th, 2014  
what a beautiful photo and memory!!! Your story is in my heart from the first time I read it... I have loved and enjoyed every photo of your beautiful Zoe when you feel it is the right time to share them. Always a blessing to see her :)
March 24th, 2014  
Oh Babs! I did not know this....I started following you later then that. My heart is heavy for your loss...but am happy you have such fond memories and that you know she knew she was well loved. This is a beautiful portrait of a happy memory. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself....and I sooooo enjoy your friendship and your sense of humor is definately NOT under the bed!!! Hugs and and loving thoughts to you and your family!
March 24th, 2014  
I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter Zoe. In the ideal world, children should never die before their parents. I get inspiration from how you have coped, and see the beauty in the things you photograph.
March 24th, 2014  
@happypat Thanks so much Pat for your kind thoughts. I bounce back and today is good. The best thing I did was to keep going with 365 it and everyone on it has helped enormously. Thanks so much for your support.
March 24th, 2014  
@lindsaydaisyboo Thanks so much Lindsay for your kind comments. I think there are a lot of people on 365 who have had traumas in their lives and it does help enormously. Take care.
March 24th, 2014  
@lynnz Thanks so much Lynn. I didn't want this to be a sad picture because there is nothing we can change. I just wanted to make the point that everyone should tell someone they love just how much the do love them. We never know what is round the corner.

Henry's music is fantastic and just what I needed at the time. Hope you enjoyed it. Here is the photo I took of him last year http://365project.org/onewing/365/2013-02-09
When we got home after Zoe's funeral I told a friend about him and would you believe it about 3 weeks later she was on holiday in Tasmania and came across him at the Salamanka market there. Small world eh, even in Australia.
If you check out the Daniel Waples clip too look out for the alien in the audience about 2.50 min into the clip. I think this was at the Edinburgh festival. You get all sorts in Scotland!!
March 24th, 2014  
@gerry Thank you so much Gerry you are such a kind man. Anne is a very lucky lady. Know what you mean about drunk drivers, the sad bit is they don't see that they have a problem. The damage is caused when the innocent victims are collected due to their bad judgement.
March 24th, 2014  
@mercuria Thank you so much Ariel. Always tell the people you care about how much you love them is my message.
March 24th, 2014  
@kathiecb Thank you so much Kathie. I don't want people to be sad. There is nothing we can change and unless you know something I don't, we are all going to go one day. You just don't expect your kids to go before you.
Even on bad days I can check out pics on here and there is always something which will make me smile and cheer me up.
On our way back to New South Wales a couple of weeks after Zoe's funeral I saw a quotation on a wall in a café and it said "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass it is about learning to dance in the rain". That's what I try to do.
March 24th, 2014  
@lafish Thank you so much Laurie. I really appreciate your friendship on this wonderful site. Best thing I ever joined. Take care.
March 24th, 2014  
@eyesmile Thanks so much Gena. I did lose my sense of humour for a while and it was just hiding under the bed. I found it though. I had a bit of a struggle pulling it out again, but it can't escape again now. ha ha. See!!! I really do appreciate your friendship. Thank you.
March 24th, 2014  
@888rachel Thank you so much Rachel. So many beautiful comments, I really do appreciate all the encouragement I get and hopefully I can pay the ferry man and return the favour too. Take care.
March 24th, 2014  
She was taken far too early, but I'm sure she would want you to rejoice in her life as well as mourn her death. Thinking about, and feeling feeling for you, Babs.
March 24th, 2014  
@golftragic Thanks so much and I totally agree. I don't mourn, I came to acceptance a long time ago. I have sad days obviously and the one I feel for is her son Damien. Zoe's previous parnter, Damien's father died 7 years ago of cancer and so now he is an orphan. This is getting a bit morbid now so I will leave it there. Thanks so much for your support. We are all fine. Off to find my photo for today now. Take care.
March 24th, 2014  
You poor soul, you've really had a rough time.
March 24th, 2014  
@golftragic Onwards and upwards Marnie. what is it they say "Into every life a little sh#t must fly. Nobody told me it was in a truck!!!
March 24th, 2014  
I didn't know this babs, so sad that you've had to cope with such an awful loss. your daughter looks beautiful. well done for being amazingly strong and somehow managing! x
March 24th, 2014  
A beautiful picture of your daughter. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know how you feel and time always heals, but your daughter is in your heart & memories. My dad died at the age of 43 and he always wanted to travel, but never got the chance to and now i am doing it for him. You are a strong woman and it shows in your photos. Xxoo
March 24th, 2014  
A gorgeous picture of both of them. It is such a shame that the good die young. Unfortunately this means that I am going to live to be a very grumpy and very old man!
March 24th, 2014  
@jaynspain Thanks so much Jayn. I believe there are two choices in life either sink or swim, so it is no contest really is it. I am not going ti sink.
March 24th, 2014  
@leestevo Thanks so much Lee-Ann. So good that you are travelling for your Dad. Zoe at least got to see plenty of countries because David was in the Forces. We all certainly travelled and Zoe visited 14 different countries and lived in 3 of them.
March 24th, 2014  
@steampowered Thanks Paul. I am not going to say she was good, because she could be a bit of a bugger on occasion but I know what you mean. Nothing wrong with you being a grumpy old man. I reckon I can be a grumpy old lady sometimes. That is why I am 'onewing' I have figured that if there is anywhere when we die I might manage to earn one wing. Not exactly going to get the halo and the harp, but who cares. With my luck I will proably end up in Hell and be given the job of pumping thunder!!!
March 24th, 2014  
@onewing Pumping thunder? Tee hee! Sounds like me after a good curry! :o)) I'm likely to go to Hell too so we can be good company for each other!
March 24th, 2014  
@steampowered Sounds good to me. We'll probably need a laugh. I will pack my asbestos suit case with money so we should be able to get around a bit.
March 24th, 2014  
@onewing As long as there is beer then I will be happy! :o)
March 24th, 2014  
@steampowered Of course there will be beer you don't think Old Nick is going to be a wuss do you!
March 24th, 2014  
I can not begin to imagine how that would have felt for you Babs. She looked so beautiful in this shot! My well wished are with you and I'm sure she would be so proud to know how far you have gone with this project. My love and support xx
March 24th, 2014  
Babs thanks for sharing this story. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you would have gone through. A beautiful photo of a gorgeous girl! I really admire your strength and bravery. You're an inspiration!
March 24th, 2014  
@lilminimonka @jennyheath Thank you both so much. Not sure about inspiration, but thanks anyway. You do eventually reach some sort of acceptance and there comes a point when you just can't cry any more. Not the real sob sort of cry I mean. We still have bad days, but they are getting less often now.
March 24th, 2014  
What a beautiful photo of a beautiful girl. I'm so sorry.
March 30th, 2014  
Your words still made tears come to my eyes. It is such a beautiful photo of 2 lovely souls. Zoe was so pretty- it is good that you can remember happier times and the life she lived and loved. Bless you both, and Deb too, as you learn to live again too. You have indeed carried on with 365 in style and it's a lovely testament to Zoe. I'm so glad you stuck around- I'd miss you so.
March 31st, 2014  
I've just been reading your comments back and now you made me smile too with your justification of why you chose "onewing" as your name! As you say, life is ups and downs!
March 31st, 2014  
@april16 Thanks April. I just wanted to say Happy Birthday to my daughter.
April 2nd, 2014  
@angelar Thanks so much Angela. I really appreciate your comments. Sorry it made you cry, wasn't meant to be a sad picture, but then I see I made you smile too which is good.
It seemed appropriate for the two of them to be in the photo as they were such good friends and both came to a sudden end. I hope they are together again.
April 2nd, 2014  
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