Starring Padraigh Penwyn as Scrooge
Once upon a time, about last year, there lived a penguin named Ebenezer Scrooge. He was the proprietor of a very profitable ice business, for he was a very astute and wise businessman. But for all his success and wealth, Scrooge was a mean old person. He treated everyone like crap (suck it up, Dickens!) for he suspected that everyone just wanted money which he had a lot of.
He had in his employ his ever faithful accountant, Bob Cratchitt, whose only vacation occurred on December 25 so that he could celebrate Christmas with his family. Poor Bob wanted to go home early this Christmas Eve but since he would be away the next day (with pay to Scrooge’s annoyance as he thinks of it as stealing his money) he really couldn’t ask old Scrooge for that extra favour. He wanted to go home and be with his family especially that his son Timmy was sick and where he could sit by the fire and be warm, as the only warmth he has in his office was a lone candle, like, what the eff is that!
Scrooge’s nephew, Fred, came by to invite Scrooge to Christmas dinner and drinks at his place. Well, old Scroogey turned him down, even though little Freddy assured him he didn’t have to buy or bring anything. Scroogey knew nothing in this world was free and even buying a bunch of flowers would cost him money. He would have none of that shit!
When he went home, he didn’t bother to turn on the house’s heating as the prices of gas was exorbitant and damn OPEC reduced its production yet again. While he was eating his measly dinner of steak heated up two weeks ago, who appeared but his old business partner. The late Jacob Marley heavily trod towards old Scroogey; tied around his legs and dragging behind him were long heavy metal chains with heavier spiked balls at the end. Marley warned Scrooge to change his ways or he would suffer the same fate as him, landing in hell for eternity, with even longer chains to drag around. Marley also told him that three Christmas ghosts would come visit him. When Marley disappeared, Scrooge merely wrote off the experience as due to his hunger so he hurriedly finished off his supper and went to bed. He did not even try and watch TV as his cable service sucks anyway and there was no hockey. :-P
As he was falling asleep, he suddenly heard a great rustling sound and before him appeared The Lottery Troll, shaggy unkempt yet colourful hair spread about like he just put his finger through an electrical socket. Troll told Scrooge that he was the ghost of Christmas Past. Scrooge rolled his eyes as if to say “Yeah, right! Pfft!” and waved the Troll off but the Troll forced Scrooge to sit up and watch a slide presentation that he prepared just for Scrooge’s viewing displeasure.
On the bare wall of his bedroom, the slides projected old photographs of Scrooge during happier times. He was actually a rather handsome and jolly penguin. He was young and innocent and full of life. Then the photograph of his high school sweetheart Bella projected on the wall and Scrooge’s heart warmed at the sight of his old beloved. But Bella had long ago left him because at some point in time, Scrooge became obsessed with money and didn’t have time to go with Bella on a date; didn’t even want to pay for a cinema showing unless it was a double or triple feature. So, she moved on with her life and married and had a family of her own. And she was happy. Seeing this, Scrooge’s tears fell.
Suddenly, the clock in the hallway rang with a loud bong! bong! sound and Troll was enveloped with some pixie dust and turned into a mouse. Scrooge screamed like a girl for he was deathly afraid of mice and pissed with them as they had long ago eaten his stash of old goudah cheese that were imported from Canada.
continued here
http://365project.org/summerfield/365-again/2014-12-23
[obviously, i am hallucinating and out of my mind, which is not abnormal, you know. however, i can tell you that i am currently being held hostage here at the office by some crazy lawyers and at the same time, i am hungry as hell. so if my re-telling of the story is not at par with the original, why would you care. i pretty much know that at some point you were laughing like crazy. all i can say is please don’t pee in your pants as it’s not really that funny.]
[p.s. please send money so i can be released. whad’ya say, mr. lawyer? $10 million dollars??? you must be kidding me. that is too steep a ransom, even for me. my relatives would tell you, keep her and we’ll keep the money!!!]
the perfume bottle series will resume tomorrow.
I think I almost like your version better than Dickens'
Where do we send the ransom?!
Fun shot!