A nice evening at book group last night. Not the biggest turnout, but everyone had read the book and although most people seemed to enjoy it I was pleased not to be the only person who didn't really connect with it.
I am having a particularly bad spell with my eldest son at the moment, so it was good to get out of the house for a while. All very upsetting, but I guess it is my own fault for allowing myself to dare to think that he was coming through the other side of the terrible teenage years because recently there have been glimpses of his old loveliness. It really does amaze me that 'people' of that age (16) can say the most wounding and hurtful things to you one minute, and then the next minute be expecting you to bend over backwards for them. Their selfishness can be overwhelming at times.
Lovely scene. Teenage years are difficult, I wasn't any trouble so to speak, for my parents, but I was moody, uncooperative and selfish when I look back. Hope things get better soon :)
I think boys may be a bit harder during their teenage stage, interestingly when I took my daughter to a sixth form open evening last night, it was the boys who walked a few paces behind their parents looking like they disowned them. The girls on the other hand looked happy to be walking next to them, chatting and not in the least embarrassed. I think it is that flexing of muscles stage and wanting to be independent yet still very reliant. It is normal, try not to take it to heart. Watch the swans and take deep breaths xx
Sixteen was a terrible age for me - the death of a thousand cuts - image consciousness, not being the same as the alpha males who seemed to find the right girls, the wrong mix of hormones tied into a growing angry restlessness and hating my parents for what they were and for how stupid they were too. By the time I reached nineteen or twenty it was a different matter. I still had image issues (I still do!) but by then my parents had learned so much in the last couple of years (!!).
You aren't alone. Try typing "how to deal with a sixteen year old boy" into Google (don't use the quotes) and see how many people are having this issue - mostly Mums, I might add (is that because they care more?)
I am afraid that there is nothing you can do but try to understand it from a sixteen year old boy's viewpoint without making it too apparent that you are "trying to understand" him. If he won't talk to you then how about your partner? How about getting him to open up to someone else's Mother (but don't make it too apparent that you have tried to engage him through someone else!).
I can't talk from a parents point of view because we never had children but I certainly knew where I stood and how I felt when I was sixteen.
excellent photo
teen years might be hard but always assure your son he is well loved.
i once heard a mother in a post office saying how she did not like her teens and i felt so badly for them. i loved my teens even though some days were tough. keep your eyes up to Him.
A beautiful calm & serene shot and the colour is amazing - a fav . So sorry Jan that you are difficult time with the "Teenage years "-- they can be a handful at this stage very often other teens' parents are so much better than their own !! try to keep calm (easier said than done )and try not to dwell on the unwittingly hurtful comments !
Great shot. Re the teenage years his mind is not with him or probably you due to the rampaging hormones!!! Have been thro it with two and they are coming out the other side really well. I am not the best Mrs P is, but I avoid confrontation and don't back down but do diffuse the situation as best I can. My teenage years were a bit different, my Dad was ex army-Military Police and he never really forgot it. Still sorted in the end and he was only trying his best but the world had moved on. Just be kind to yourself and refer to the manual!! Oh there isn't one so the best you do is the best there is.
So much good advice here Jan...listen to it all & take heart...of course it doesn't help when all friends mothers are just the bees knees!!! My daughter would say exactly the same as you at the moment & hers is 19 so takes a while...lovely to everyone one else though !!
Wonderful shot Jan and an instant Fav. I do sympathise with you over the difficulties you are having with your son but they do come out the other side much nicer eventually. Try not to beat yourself up about it. It's not you who is the problem - it's his hormones! One day (although you won't believe it now) you'll look back and laugh. Honestly!
Beautiful capture so autumnal
I do hope you see light at the end of the tunnel soon. I understand completely, all if would say is stick with it, it does get better!!
Anyway, I have had a stern word with myself, pulled myself together and reminded myself that I was an absolutely horrible teenager myself, and made my lovely Mum cry on many occasions. Like Angus, I played the 'divide and rule' game and only directed my nastiness at my Mum knowing that she probably wouldn't tell my Dad for fear of the fireworks if she did.
I can recommend 17 - although not first thing in the morning or after a bad day at school or a lost hockey game..... We have taken to ignoring/avoiding if the vibes are wrong and hoping it will pass! But (phew) he says his 'teach a pensioner computing' session went well - I was worried because he was very strict with his grandma, 'turn it on yourself or you'll never learn' and his 'victim' today was the spouse of a school governor. I was panicking that he'd get expelled! And Angus is no doubt absolutely charming with everybody else's mother.
I'm really sorry you're having tough teenager times at the moment. My guess it's a lot to do with the conflict between being nearly grown-up on the outside and still uncertain and childlike in many respects on the inside. And that conflict (intensified by lots of out-of-control hormones) manifests in being horrible at home, where its safe.
Hope things get better soon - I'm sure they will.
November 17th, 2013
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Sixteen was a terrible age for me - the death of a thousand cuts - image consciousness, not being the same as the alpha males who seemed to find the right girls, the wrong mix of hormones tied into a growing angry restlessness and hating my parents for what they were and for how stupid they were too. By the time I reached nineteen or twenty it was a different matter. I still had image issues (I still do!) but by then my parents had learned so much in the last couple of years (!!).
You aren't alone. Try typing "how to deal with a sixteen year old boy" into Google (don't use the quotes) and see how many people are having this issue - mostly Mums, I might add (is that because they care more?)
I am afraid that there is nothing you can do but try to understand it from a sixteen year old boy's viewpoint without making it too apparent that you are "trying to understand" him. If he won't talk to you then how about your partner? How about getting him to open up to someone else's Mother (but don't make it too apparent that you have tried to engage him through someone else!).
I can't talk from a parents point of view because we never had children but I certainly knew where I stood and how I felt when I was sixteen.
teen years might be hard but always assure your son he is well loved.
i once heard a mother in a post office saying how she did not like her teens and i felt so badly for them. i loved my teens even though some days were tough. keep your eyes up to Him.
Absolutely gorgeous!
A FAV!
I do hope you see light at the end of the tunnel soon. I understand completely, all if would say is stick with it, it does get better!!
Anyway, I have had a stern word with myself, pulled myself together and reminded myself that I was an absolutely horrible teenager myself, and made my lovely Mum cry on many occasions. Like Angus, I played the 'divide and rule' game and only directed my nastiness at my Mum knowing that she probably wouldn't tell my Dad for fear of the fireworks if she did.
Anyway, thanks again my lovely 'friends'
Hope things get better soon - I'm sure they will.