There is guilt in accepting these, but joy and delight too. All week my three year old granddaughter has been happily telling me each evening that she was making things at school for my "birthday" meaning her daycare lady was telling her they were gifts for Mother's Day. She also told me she loves me and gave me a huge hug and a sigh of contentment, "Grandma!" As she snuggled on my lap to give them to me. But they all say Mother's Day and she does have a mother. She just hadn't seen her since May 9th 2016. Her mom has been in and out of jail and fighting Meth addiction and only in the last few weeks trying to follow through on her court ordered ability to have five hours of visitation supervised each week, doing the paperwork but not actually seeing Daisy yet. The guilt is because I can't help her mom and protect the granddaughter but I never wanted to take her place.
I just read through what you wrote -- missed the first time I saw this. It is such a blessing for Daisy that you are there with your grandma stability and love. I'll say a prayer for you, Daisy, your son, and Daisy's mom. Happy (belated) Mother's Day.
You should not feel guilty for wishing that Daisy's mom is not there to accept these. The positive side is that she trusts you to "fill in" for her and is attempting to put things right in some ways. It must be so difficult as you say to balance the joy of being there for Daisy and being such a big part of her life, but also wishing better for her mother. Addiction is difficult and hopefully her mom will get all the right tools and help she needs to beat it. In the meantime, in order for there to be a mom and dad, there had to be a grandma first for each of them- so you're a mom alright! Sweet keepsake!
May 18th, 2017
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