family tradition #5

greetings and blessings

we have a unique way of greeting and/or showing respect to our parents and elders. we call it 'mano' which literally translates to 'hand'. it is not quite kissing the hand of your elders but actually pressing the back of the hand lightly against the forehead. it is called a 'blessing'.

in our family, we actually never kissed our parents, nor hugged them when we were growing up. in the morning, as my father headed to the door to go to work, we lined up to get his blessing, the same way when he came home. we do it when we left for school or work. or when we see them in the street. we do the same to our relatives.

my father's sister's children called their parents mommy and daddy. we called our parents mother and father in the native language. they kissed as greeting, not the hand blessing. one day, after seeing how sweet they were to do that, i thought i'd change the family's way of greeting our parents so instead of the hand blessing, i kissed my father on the cheek even though it felt uncomfortable. wow! did i get a slap on my face and a beating. i could never understand why but afterwards i realized how it felt unnatural anyway. even my mother whenever i put my arms around her, she seemed so uncomfortable and so we grew up being uncomfortable with hugs and kisses.

somewhere along the way, though, this tradition seemed to be dying, as more and more families, i have observed during my visits, have adopted the kissing and hugging way of greeting family and friends. as for me, i prefer to give my hand in blessing to younger children. with the grown ups, i'd much prefer handshakes. i much rather reserve the hugging for when we get to know each other a bit better.

[Carolyn Sue]

I love that tradition -- it feels very respectful. We never hugged or kissed in my family either. I can relate very well to your early years! Over the years, there is more hugging now - -but it still is not something that comes easy - -within the family that is. My friends -- we are huggers! :)

[Dorrena Ortega]

Wow! That really interesting. We hug and cuddle. I kiss my kids on their heads. I started doing that when they got too old for me to be kissing them on the cheek. Now, they just lower their heads. :-)

[Claire]

I think it has to be whatever works, it sounds like a nice gesture and when it is does with love it must count; I am very tactile though, so it is hugs and kisses all the way;0)

[Ann H. LeFevre]

It really is fascinating how affection is shown differently from culture to culture and then from family to family. My mother was the more physically affectionate of my two parents, but my Dad did hug and kiss us more so when we were younger. Jeff's family seems to have been a little less affectionate that way- but that's a long story as to why! I also know people who are totally uncomfortable with any kind of affection. For them it's not a matter of culture at all, but fully the result of some trauma and that's so sad. I like the sound of your tradition- and I sense that the routine of it really drove home the point that your parents loved you. Oh well- too much on that and not enough about the picture! Good shot and an interesting window into your world.