the subway door opens and people couldn't wait to get in, blocking the way for us passengers to get out. some try to get in even before the door has completely opened. i shake my head as i step out.
i notice that the last two weeks i am less angry. my heart is lighter and my mind is clearer. i have wondered until it finally clicked to me this morning. could it have something to do that a 'friend' is no longer a friend? we had a misunderstanding. we were walking and she wanted to tell me a story about her red raincoat. i told her i had a bad memory of a red raincoat so i prefer not to hear her story. but she still went on to tell her story. i repeated three times i didn't want to hear it. the last time i told her that if she insisted i was going to smack her in the face. she stopped talking. literally stopped talking. and moped as we walked. five days later she came to my desk and when i jokingly asked her if she was still moping, her eyes blazed and her face was distorted in anger and said "what the fuck!!" too bad, she acted that way because i was ready to apologize. that disrespectful attitude just negated the need for an apology from me. she walked away mumbling i was 'controlling'. i suppose the moment she swore at me, she terminated the 'friendship'. i am glad it was her doing, not mine. then i start to think back.
she has a lot of issues within herself. to her people are generally stupid. her neighbours within the floor are stupid. it upsets her if i make little jokes and she has to make an explanation about why it upsets her. she tells me stories that she has told me so many times and she makes me listen to it from the beginning.
we started to be 'friends' two years ago. in the process, i introduced her to my jeweler-friend when i found out she bought a pair of earrings and it cost her too much and she wasn't even happy with it. so she was able to get the blings she wanted from my jeweler-friend. but my jeweler-friend noticed that 'she' seemed to always compare things and always pointed out that 'her' earrings although smaller by a miniscule amount from my earrings, were much shinier and of better quality. i didn't realize until the friendship was over that there was much competition there. it was one-sided though because i knew i wasn't competing. maybe she was but not i. there were a lot of instances where 'she' would point her finger at me and called me 'controlling' but looking back, there were more fingers pointing back at her and they were her own.
i talked to my one close friend here in toronto. we don't talk or see each other much or often but we know when we should get together. so when i told my friend about this now defunct friendship, she put it quite eloquently this way: "maybe she's envious that despite you coming from poverty, you have so much to be proud of; you are happier with what you've got; you have overcome so much and you still came out strong; you know your issues and face them head on. others would have been so scarred. i've known you for more than 25 years and i know you're not. 'she' knows that you can be your own person with or without her. and to some people like her that doesn't sit well, they have to be needed and they're always on the lookout for people they think would need them and that's the only time they feel good about themselves. 'she' can say you're controlling but you're only controlling your own life. and you always handle things so well, no matter what the odds are. that friendship's made to last only that long. you're a better person for it; you've learned from it and you're moving on. wonder how she's doing?"
i don't wonder how she's doing. i've moved on. i hope she has, too.
hello again, we are challenge partners this week! my challenge to you, after reading the above description of what happened between you and this woman, is to do a shot about moving...moving up, moving beyond, moving past, moving out...whatever your interpretation of moving is at this time! looking forward to your challenge for me...I enjoyed the last one you issued : )
While it's true that everyone likes their stories to be heard and appreciated, a true friendship allows you the freedom to say, "I've heard that before" or "can you tell me something else?" without hurting feelings or offending the other. The fact that she could not handle your request says to me that it really wasn't as deep a friendship as it appeared. Good thing it finished before it sucked the life out of you!
@olivetreeann - i'm too old to be taking in any more negativity. i am at the stage where i should be enjoying my life. i like to listen to my friends when they need an ear, but not everyday and all the time. it does suck the life out of anyone. i might be labelled a cold hearted person, but i need to look out for myself, too. thank you, ann. :-)
@amandal - thank you, kid.
@northy - yup! thank you, kiddo.
@grammyn - if she's not comfortable yet now doubt she'll ever be. thank you, katy. how's it going?
@kwind - thank you, kim.
@jackies365 - hmmm...we'll see. thank you, jackie.
@joemuli - thank you, joey.
@annied - yes i get a lot done, too, at work! hahahaha! thank you, annie.
@nanderson - thank you, nancy. that's what my boss told me because he heard her that time she swore at me.
@bill_fe - thank you, billy.
@bmnorthernlight - well said, barbara. thank you.
@olivetreeann - i'm too old to be taking in any more negativity. i am at the stage where i should be enjoying my life. i like to listen to my friends when they need an ear, but not everyday and all the time. it does suck the life out of anyone. i might be labelled a cold hearted person, but i need to look out for myself, too. thank you, ann. :-)
@kt8ird - thank you, kate.