let me direct you to my mad hatters' post last
wednesday for reference.
the other day, partner and i were having a discussion about something (which is now unimportant because i could not remember what it was about) and there was a point when he whiningly complained that i hardly ever acknowledge his "i love you" with my own "i love you". i told him "i love you" comes cheap, a dime a dozen. it is reserved only for the kids or the grandkids. i do lavish our grandchildren with "i love you" all the time along with a lot of hugs and kisses.
i grew up in a household where we were not allowed to show emotion. no hugs, no coo-ing, no small talks, no touching. and certainly no expressions of "i love you". when i was 8, i envied my cousins who greeted our aunts and uncles with a hug and a kiss and the gestures were returned with the same. in our home, we take our parents' right hand and touch the back onto our foreheads as a sign of respect, never a hug, never a kiss. one day, i tried to copy my cousins when my father came home from work. instead of taking his hand, i hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. i got a double slap and a talking to, was a pariah for days, and endlessly mocked by my siblings.
so when i grew up, my friends hugged but i would shake hands, or would make a slight bow of the head. years later, i would work for a consortium of european and japanese companies. while the japanese would shake hands, the spanish and the belgians, when saying goodbye to the staff whose work they appreciated, would hug and kiss us. the spanish would put their hands on your shoulder and kiss you on both cheeks. the belgians are more tactile - a hug and three cheek-to-cheek greeting. and not just once, but as many times as possible!
the first mr. summerfield laughed uncontrollably when, after an episode of passionate kissing, he told me "i love you", i replied with "thank you." the belgian i dated for several years told me it wouldn't hurt if i just try saying it. so i told him "je t'aime" - that's "i love you" in french. don't get me wrong. i would tell them "i love you", but in writing, always at the end of a note or greeting card.
what's so special about "i love you" when most people say it all the time without meaning it. to me, it's not something that i say lightly. i mean it when i tell my grandchildren that i love them. and it's reserved for those special moments when it's warranted and earned, i do say it and mean it.
