OK, before I even start to ask my question on this VERY touchy subject, I will state the purpose behind the question.
So to start off, I'm in high school and in my photography class we have to make an advance slideshow, 3-5 minutes, of pictures taken by us that follow a theme/idea and then a song that flows and follows the theme of the pictures and will be completed by mid May. I decided the song I would use the second after he gave us the assignment (Where Is The Love; Black Eyed Peas). So as you could guess by the song choice, my theme will be, where is the love? My ideas for pictures so far have been, political graffiti/graffiti with a meaning or purpose behind it, mothers with childern, churces, some shots inside the largest cathedral with tons of stained glass windows in the city I live in early morning with the sun rise lighting before it opens, a couple of large areas of cemetaries, soldiers and men and women in the military, protests (if I can find any), the sad effects poverty has had on people and homes and areas of cities, mixed races, things showing diversity, people of differenting ethnicitys, hatred (theres groups that still call themselves the KKK in northern Idaho near where I live in Washington), and these are just some of the ideas I have thought long an hard about so far that could make a powerful and strong topic shown through photographs.
Now for my controversial question.
In the song there are these lines of lyrics
"people killin', people dyin'
childern hurtin', you hear them cryin'
can you practice what you preach?
and would you turn the other cheek?
father, father, father help us, send some guidance from above
cause people got me, got me, question'
where is the love?"
Something I really have been thinking hard about, but need some moral guidance on is; how would you photograph the emotions that become present at a funeral, like a childs sadness of a loss of a family member or a widow in that moment that makes it hard to watch with out feeling her pain?
With that question I want to make it perfectly clear that I don't want any of the person being burried, that would be unecceptable and wrong to me, I want to photograph and capture the emotion of some of the attendees, I want to be as discreet as possible and and I only want to use one photo to bring the slideshow together at the end and really make the presentation effective and making people feel for everything and everyone in the photographs, not plaster a bunch of them through the story, demeaning them.
So to sum it up...
Is what I'm trying to photograph ethically alright?
If you see it as not being disrespectful and morbid, how would you go about doing this?
And once again, if I do decide to do this, I will be as respectful, as discreet and considerate as I can be for the family.
sorry for the length, but there was a lot to be clarified here.
Please, if you reply, dont bash me if you find this disrespectful, just give me your advise politely. And do know that I have been to funerals for close family and just lost my aunt last month to cancer, so it's not as if I don't know what these people are going through.
Thank you for you advise.
*New questions after the 24 replies*
So now after 24 insightful and thoughtful responses from all of you I think I have seen about every view, feeling, and perspective on this.
So now I'm sort of back at square one, but part of my question was "how would you do it?" and I whad been thinking about the setting up idea, and it became more present with some of the replies. So now I have a few new questions...
-If you were going to set it up, would it be morally right to use somebodys grave sight, seeing as it is thought to morally wrong to do it with people there, is it alright when people are gone and to use somebody not related to the deceased person to "act" as if they are part of their family; which is what has been suggested a majority of the time?
-How would you set somebody up to create the raw emotion created by the true feelings created when there is an actual emotional tie?
-For those of you who said it would be morally sound, could you elablorate on your decision and maybe a little more advise?
I don't think it would be "wrong", it would be a great opportunity to catch some very emotional shots, but I would at least try and tell the person(s) you are going to be photographing what you are doing so they aren't wondering why someone is photographing them during a hard time if they see you. You know? And legally, you need a person's permission before using a photograph of them, if you really want to get technical. So, you might just want to let them know before hand and make sure it's okay with them.
Your best bet might be to get some friends, family, classmates, etc. and shoot some scenes at a church or graveyard. Probably not going to get many real emotion close ups, but might be able to pull a similiar effect from some shots at a distance. Maybe have the volunteers act out mourning a loved one, dress the part, hang heads, blow noses, etc. Even parts of gravestones (edges, shapes, textures, no names), or empty cemetaries can invoke emotion if caught in the right manner.
As for shooting an actual funereal, I am with @stoksy and @kjarn, definitely a no. Don't even ask for permission. Honor and integrity must out weigh catching "the shot" in this instance. Shooting, or even just asking, may have consequences that you will never forgive yourself for.
Trying to stir emotion with photography is great, but never by shooting a real funereal ceremony, no matter how discreet or in-conspicuous you can make it.
All that being said, good luck with your project, it sounds like you have quite a passion for photography and will have no problem succeeding.
you know what firstly i LOVE that song ! good choice and so many ideas to play with !
secondly i think funeral photography is a bit of a greif invasion and i really dont feel its the way to go :S
if it was me i would start to think about that part of the song in a different veiw, i would perhaps see if i have friends or relatives that can "act" , for example my 12 year old did a shoot with me in front of a graffitti wall hoodie up looking sad and the aim was to capture feelings of youths on the street today (the pic is in my 365) , i guess you could say children as they are young. .... i would put it to you that maybe think a little outside the box , maybe a young adult dressed how many youths on the street dress , maybe if you wanted to signify death bring the person to a grave yard and picture them paying respects maybe almost as if they were guilty of the crime and in a way saying sorry in greif at the graveside for what they had done wrong ? in my head the "father father help us send some guidence from above" could signify a youth pleading with help in changing the direcction their life is taking ?
by doing something along those lines you wouldnt invade a persons greif but with the right person "acting" you could capture a very hard hiting image , its just the way i would approch it but im sure others would have way better ideas !
simple, be sure the shots are in focus.
I have shot 4 funerals in less than a year, and they are quite emotional. The reason is I was ask to. things to remember - DO NOT shoot the body in the casket. be respectful, don't tromp in front of those there for the funeral. when possible, and digital makes it easier, don't hold the camera to your eye, set it to wide angle, NO FLASH and fire often. photography is more than puppy dogs rainbows and happy days. it is capturing the moment. emotion. raw emotion. with shooting wide you can crop in as needed, and it is not as obtrusive. if you can get shots of people crying, even better. try to avoid direct family crying. make sure you have permission from one of the family members. trying to get permission from all the family might be tricky. shoot more than people as individuals.
the 4 funerals i shot last year were fallen firefighters, the last one being one that I trained that died in the line of duty from a heart attack. I have been called upon to shoot them.
below is one of the photos I have taken at a funeral.
I've shot one funeral for a newspaper, and had to video one for a friend who lost her husband suddenly. She wanted the video for her mother in law, who was too sick to attend and had requested the video. I hated both jobs, made me very uncomfortable. I guess it shouldnt, but it did. I would be careful if you do a strangers funeral, I think friends dressing up is a better idea.
Hi, I can understand the desire to do the project ... but ... it would make me very uncomfortable to have someone taking pictures of grief stricken mourners ... it seems to me that these are private moments (unless at specific request as for relative who couldn't attend ... but even then ... I'm not sure I'd want it).
If I were conducting a funeral and someone asked for permission to do what you've suggested then my answer would be "no".
However if you're in a large public cemetery and using a long zoom lens so that you're not visible to the mourners then you might get something to illustrate the topic.
I'm afraid I'd go with the folk who suggest a recreation ... if the people who help you are willing then they could think of the saddest times in their lives and you might get some reasonable expressions ....
I hope you have good success with this project ... a great topic but a hard one to find real subjects.
Small camera without flash and shooting from the hip might give you a useful shot of crowds at big/military type funerals ...
great song! i think your question & reasoning was very well explained but I would have to agree and say no... but maybe using some of the great ideas above, you could do a simulation that could evoke the same sort of sorrow, something like a lone figure mourning over a headstone from a slight distance, or the dried-up flower arrangements at the base of a gravestone (with details blurred)... good luck!
My opinion is no. Catching somebody when their grieving is tacky, disrespectful and an invasion of privacy. Would you want somebody to photograph you in the same situation? There are certain private situations and emotions that just don't need to be captured in time. And catching a child in their grief at a funeral? That's just completely off-limits.
Nah, I would imagine your audience being put off / feeling uncomfortable being exposed to that. Not to mention how those grieving might feel. Probably best to follow the advice above and the drama pupils (or whatever you call them there :P) to act the part.
I like doing selfie's and one thing I can see doing to portray the emotion is go to a graveyard and shoot yourself on your knees bending over like your sobbing. Or do some with your head in your hands. Wear black or dark colors and shoot on a bright day to get some good stark contrast. I don't think it's morally wrong to shoot those emotions, but shooting at an actual funeral, to me, seems an invasion of privacy unless you were asked to do so.
I'd agree with the other replies, if a stranger came up to me at a relative or friends funeral and asked to take photos I wouldn't allow them to. To do it without permission is unthinkable.
I can understand it being done as a request of a family member if it is for someone who can't be there or for other reasons but to essentially invade on someone elses heart ache and grief? No, there's justification for it.
There have been some really good suggestions above for ways to stage the photos and I hope your project goes well. I'd be interested in seeing it when you have completed it.
I've been to many funerals, lost one of my best friend, an other very good friend's little boy, my dad.... Let me just tell you that if someone would have taken pictures I would I feel raped. I think it's the most inapropriate thing to do and always wonder how celebrities can manage it. It's such a hard & private time...
I like @flamez ideas for you. My grandfather just died and I ended up taking some shots of his closed casket at the burial for many reasons. My family members were happy to have them, now that a month has passed. I only took out my camera because my grandpa's children had theirs out, but were too emotional, so I captured what they were trying to for their own benefit. I did steer away from the tears and getting close ups of the tears and didn't do any at the ceremony. As a stranger asking someone, I would agree with the above, that's it's too emotional.
nope - you cannot encroach on someones time of mourning and there is no subtle way to take the photos, so then you'd have to ask permission which unless you know them is just not appropriate.
I dont believe it is tacky, I believe that you have a good head on your shoulders and care about people, thats the reason for your dilemma. If you didnt care you wouldnt have asked..
You could ask your teacher, speak to him/her about your idea and see what direction they guide you in. You could talk to the priest at the church to get their opinion. or the local undertaker.
You could stage your own funeral.. Im sure that has suggested, I havent read everything everyone posted..
Not everyone is sad at death,, not everyone feels that death is a horrible end.. sometimes death is a release..
Not everyone is so sad and upset and grief stricken at someones death..
Im 42 and have been to my share of funerals both sad , and happy occasions.
I have seen video cameras and still cameras come out and I have seen family go off because of lots of reasons...
We all have our own take on death and the struggle that comes with it.
We in the western world still feel death and the surrounding subjects are taboo.. which in itself can be a sad thing...
Its funny because we have posts here all the time about photographing strangers and most people feel thats ok... but when you get down to a certain subject matter people object ..
Personally I feel that if you went ahead with your shot.. from how you have described your dilemma, it would be done with taste , tack and care....
I think it would be best to get consent in advance.
I suppose in theory shooting a funeral procession in the street would be OK, I'm thinking the sort with horse and carriage, maybe calling the funeral homes you might be able to find out when one is booked for? The other angle is perhaps looking at cultures where a funeral is celebrated rather than having 'mourners' I know a friend of mine has massive funerals which involve days of celebrations and happiness, bright colours are essential. He is Ghanaian .
You could still do something with true emotions just because the grounds no longer open doesn't mean the sadness is less, being at a graveside is a powerful thing. As you've said you lost an aunt last month so why not try to capture your own grief or brothers or sisters when re visiting her grave?
Visiting my grandmothers grave is sure to make me cry.
Shooting someone you're close to or yourself will be easier cause they'd be more likely to understand as you could explain clearly what you're looking to do and still get that raw emotion you're looking for. Photographing strangers i always find difficult so my advice would be keep it close to home.
Good luck! i'm sure you'll find your way round it
I don't think there's a single thing inappropriate with what you are suggesting. As long as you ask the person/family in advance.
Some families CELEBRATE the deceased's LIFE at the funeral. Some families could not WAIT for the deceased to die for one reason or another--be it relief of an illness, or the person was simply downright rotten.
You have no idea what kinds of emotions can come to play at a funeral because each family is different and each person within said family unit is different. There are not "rules" on how a family/person should react during a funeral.
Approach your families tactfully to ask. Do not get in their faces during picture-taking. That would be my advice.
-If you were going to set it up, would it be morally right to use somebodys grave sight, seeing as it is thought to morally wrong to do it with people there, is it alright when people are gone and to use somebody not related to the deceased person to "act" as if they are part of their family; which is what has been suggested a majority of the time?
-How would you set somebody up to create the raw emotion created by the true feelings created when there is an actual emotional tie?
-For those of you who said it would be morally sound, could you elablorate on your decision and maybe a little more advise?
Thanks again for the advise, feelings, and insight.
@klittle ~ i think if "staging" the shot at a graveside it would be ok , now ill say why .... beacuse if it was me i would do it later in the day , i would be selective with the grave headstone (a very old date or one with no name) ... if you wanted a newer head stone i would be inclined to edit out the name or details on the headstone to keep it sound.
the reason i see the staged idea ok is beacuse technically grave yards are public (or thats how i understand it) and if empty u are unlikely to be intruding on anyones greif, just my thoughts :)
I'd be okay with the grave site but would try to conceal identifying details ... show only part of name or date. The oldest grave stones would be ideal as erosion has done the work for you!
Cemeteries or grave yards are public spaces so nothing wrong with photography done as you plan. If it belongs to a church it might be good manners to speak to the cleric in charge and explain what you're doing ... private project etc. etc!
Good strong onions cut up might produce tears and red eyes (if your model is willing). Often, if it isn't going to be too traumatic, if they think of some sad film ... or book .... I might avoid getting them to think of a personal grief...
I don't really see anything too wrong with the graveyard, as long as you aren't interrupting someone elses grieving or service. I did a shoot at a churchs graveyard simply because it is a historical landmark here, but I did ask the church if it was ok that I did that first. A funeral on the other hand, nope.
I agree with the above two posters in regards to using a gravesite and that being okay if you hide or alter the actual names (again, unless given permission by the family to actually use the real name in the photo).
Your second question is tricky and goes back to what I said about each individual having their own reactions and feelings. When my grandmother died, my mother (my grandmother's daughter) was red-faced @ the funeral, but not sobbing or teary. I was a crying mess. When my aunt died, her daughters were incredibly distraught to the point of sobbing on the casket. I was relatively tearless. Each individual is different and will display their mourning differently. I would suggest taking shots of different emotions--silence, solitude, tears, red-faced-sobbing, thoughtfulness...
And finally, all everyone here is doing is giving you their personal opinions about how they feel about taking pictures at funerals. No one person's opinions should trump another's. And yet, no one person's opinions should be forced down your throat, either. Sure, some people may find this distasteful, but if you do not, and the family you ask does not, then how is the person who found it distasteful correct in your particular situation? My moral guide says, "Ask. The worst thing that can happen is the family says, 'No.'" And "No" is simply not that harmful.
Use a grave so old that you aren't having to deal with living relatives or a current funeral. For the other questions--actors can pull it off, do you have a drama department at your school? I went to a high school of the performing arts a million years ago and had no problem pulling off emotions like your suggesting. For teenagers? Easy peasy.
I don't think it's tacky to take a photo at the funeral you're attending as a close, personal guest. My grandmother is going to be buried this summer and you can be sure I will take photos at graveside (she was cremated since ground in upstate NY gets COLD). Additionally, I work for a newspaper and we often have photos of important events, such as funerals, such as the young man who was killed in Germany during a terrorism attack last week. I think there are those cases when people expect photos and others when they don't. But, if you aren't planning to attend someone's funeral you knew well/was family I would say ask friends to be actor's. It will probably be safer in the long run.
think staging or photographing an actual service for a photo project is just wrong anyway.
but if you MUST do it then block out peoples names at least give the dead that much restpect.
in fairness i visited the cemetery one day for my project but it was a photo of a tree mainly with stones in the background, you are making it an attempted personal shot which i dont agree with - sorry
I think that If you were to take said pictures that you may be better off the people to come to you and ask.......this may be difficult do do with your timeline....but. If you were to place an ad of some sort, explain your cause as detailed but briefly as possible and offer this as a service of condolences and that they are free to have/use the photos you have taken....... I wish I had these types of pictures to remember the loss of loved ones....
Speaking as a widow .... I wish that *somebody* had taken photos at my husband's funeral. Of me, the kids ... and most importantly, the people who came because it was beyond me to even raise my eyes from the floor to look around at the time. I am told the church was packed and exceeding it's 300 seat capacity, but I never looked up to see it.
As for a casket - I wish I had a photo of his casket and I wish I had a photo of it in the ground as we covered it with flowers.
I wish I had a photo of what I'm told was mountains of food at the wake (I couldn't even walk inside the building).
If I had a do-ever, I would have entrusted a friend with a camera and told them to take as many as they could without being intrusive or in anyone's face.
...my 2c.
Write a Reply
Sign up for a free account or Sign in to post a comment.
Tweets ahoy!
Join the Group
Pin With Me
As for shooting an actual funereal, I am with @stoksy and @kjarn, definitely a no. Don't even ask for permission. Honor and integrity must out weigh catching "the shot" in this instance. Shooting, or even just asking, may have consequences that you will never forgive yourself for.
Trying to stir emotion with photography is great, but never by shooting a real funereal ceremony, no matter how discreet or in-conspicuous you can make it.
All that being said, good luck with your project, it sounds like you have quite a passion for photography and will have no problem succeeding.
secondly i think funeral photography is a bit of a greif invasion and i really dont feel its the way to go :S
if it was me i would start to think about that part of the song in a different veiw, i would perhaps see if i have friends or relatives that can "act" , for example my 12 year old did a shoot with me in front of a graffitti wall hoodie up looking sad and the aim was to capture feelings of youths on the street today (the pic is in my 365) , i guess you could say children as they are young. .... i would put it to you that maybe think a little outside the box , maybe a young adult dressed how many youths on the street dress , maybe if you wanted to signify death bring the person to a grave yard and picture them paying respects maybe almost as if they were guilty of the crime and in a way saying sorry in greif at the graveside for what they had done wrong ? in my head the "father father help us send some guidence from above" could signify a youth pleading with help in changing the direcction their life is taking ?
by doing something along those lines you wouldnt invade a persons greif but with the right person "acting" you could capture a very hard hiting image , its just the way i would approch it but im sure others would have way better ideas !
good luck :)
When it comes to shooting something, my advice...
Imagine yourself being the person you are shooting. How would you feel (and I mean really).
@flamez - gives you some really good ideas.
Stage your own, or shoot at a cemetery. You could have friends act one out.
I have shot 4 funerals in less than a year, and they are quite emotional. The reason is I was ask to. things to remember - DO NOT shoot the body in the casket. be respectful, don't tromp in front of those there for the funeral. when possible, and digital makes it easier, don't hold the camera to your eye, set it to wide angle, NO FLASH and fire often. photography is more than puppy dogs rainbows and happy days. it is capturing the moment. emotion. raw emotion. with shooting wide you can crop in as needed, and it is not as obtrusive. if you can get shots of people crying, even better. try to avoid direct family crying. make sure you have permission from one of the family members. trying to get permission from all the family might be tricky. shoot more than people as individuals.
the 4 funerals i shot last year were fallen firefighters, the last one being one that I trained that died in the line of duty from a heart attack. I have been called upon to shoot them.
below is one of the photos I have taken at a funeral.
If I were conducting a funeral and someone asked for permission to do what you've suggested then my answer would be "no".
However if you're in a large public cemetery and using a long zoom lens so that you're not visible to the mourners then you might get something to illustrate the topic.
I'm afraid I'd go with the folk who suggest a recreation ... if the people who help you are willing then they could think of the saddest times in their lives and you might get some reasonable expressions ....
I hope you have good success with this project ... a great topic but a hard one to find real subjects.
Small camera without flash and shooting from the hip might give you a useful shot of crowds at big/military type funerals ...
There is a very iconic photo of JFK's son saluting him at the funeral http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/State_funeral_of_John_F._Kennedy I think that'd be something very interesting to recreate with models at a graveside.
I like doing selfie's and one thing I can see doing to portray the emotion is go to a graveyard and shoot yourself on your knees bending over like your sobbing. Or do some with your head in your hands. Wear black or dark colors and shoot on a bright day to get some good stark contrast. I don't think it's morally wrong to shoot those emotions, but shooting at an actual funeral, to me, seems an invasion of privacy unless you were asked to do so.
I can understand it being done as a request of a family member if it is for someone who can't be there or for other reasons but to essentially invade on someone elses heart ache and grief? No, there's justification for it.
There have been some really good suggestions above for ways to stage the photos and I hope your project goes well. I'd be interested in seeing it when you have completed it.
You could ask your teacher, speak to him/her about your idea and see what direction they guide you in. You could talk to the priest at the church to get their opinion. or the local undertaker.
You could stage your own funeral.. Im sure that has suggested, I havent read everything everyone posted..
Not everyone is sad at death,, not everyone feels that death is a horrible end.. sometimes death is a release..
Not everyone is so sad and upset and grief stricken at someones death..
Im 42 and have been to my share of funerals both sad , and happy occasions.
I have seen video cameras and still cameras come out and I have seen family go off because of lots of reasons...
We all have our own take on death and the struggle that comes with it.
We in the western world still feel death and the surrounding subjects are taboo.. which in itself can be a sad thing...
Its funny because we have posts here all the time about photographing strangers and most people feel thats ok... but when you get down to a certain subject matter people object ..
Personally I feel that if you went ahead with your shot.. from how you have described your dilemma, it would be done with taste , tack and care....
I suppose in theory shooting a funeral procession in the street would be OK, I'm thinking the sort with horse and carriage, maybe calling the funeral homes you might be able to find out when one is booked for? The other angle is perhaps looking at cultures where a funeral is celebrated rather than having 'mourners' I know a friend of mine has massive funerals which involve days of celebrations and happiness, bright colours are essential. He is Ghanaian .
Visiting my grandmothers grave is sure to make me cry.
Shooting someone you're close to or yourself will be easier cause they'd be more likely to understand as you could explain clearly what you're looking to do and still get that raw emotion you're looking for. Photographing strangers i always find difficult so my advice would be keep it close to home.
Good luck! i'm sure you'll find your way round it
Some families CELEBRATE the deceased's LIFE at the funeral. Some families could not WAIT for the deceased to die for one reason or another--be it relief of an illness, or the person was simply downright rotten.
You have no idea what kinds of emotions can come to play at a funeral because each family is different and each person within said family unit is different. There are not "rules" on how a family/person should react during a funeral.
Approach your families tactfully to ask. Do not get in their faces during picture-taking. That would be my advice.
Thank you for replying, but now, with so many mixed feelings and ideas, I updated the questions and was wondering if you guys could eleborate and help with some new questions that arose from your replies-
-If you were going to set it up, would it be morally right to use somebodys grave sight, seeing as it is thought to morally wrong to do it with people there, is it alright when people are gone and to use somebody not related to the deceased person to "act" as if they are part of their family; which is what has been suggested a majority of the time?
-How would you set somebody up to create the raw emotion created by the true feelings created when there is an actual emotional tie?
-For those of you who said it would be morally sound, could you elablorate on your decision and maybe a little more advise?
Thanks again for the advise, feelings, and insight.
the reason i see the staged idea ok is beacuse technically grave yards are public (or thats how i understand it) and if empty u are unlikely to be intruding on anyones greif, just my thoughts :)
Cemeteries or grave yards are public spaces so nothing wrong with photography done as you plan. If it belongs to a church it might be good manners to speak to the cleric in charge and explain what you're doing ... private project etc. etc!
Good strong onions cut up might produce tears and red eyes (if your model is willing). Often, if it isn't going to be too traumatic, if they think of some sad film ... or book .... I might avoid getting them to think of a personal grief...
Your second question is tricky and goes back to what I said about each individual having their own reactions and feelings. When my grandmother died, my mother (my grandmother's daughter) was red-faced @ the funeral, but not sobbing or teary. I was a crying mess. When my aunt died, her daughters were incredibly distraught to the point of sobbing on the casket. I was relatively tearless. Each individual is different and will display their mourning differently. I would suggest taking shots of different emotions--silence, solitude, tears, red-faced-sobbing, thoughtfulness...
And finally, all everyone here is doing is giving you their personal opinions about how they feel about taking pictures at funerals. No one person's opinions should trump another's. And yet, no one person's opinions should be forced down your throat, either. Sure, some people may find this distasteful, but if you do not, and the family you ask does not, then how is the person who found it distasteful correct in your particular situation? My moral guide says, "Ask. The worst thing that can happen is the family says, 'No.'" And "No" is simply not that harmful.
: )
I echo what FairieMoon said. Always keep in mind that the internet is public domain, and to be sensitive what you put on it.
I have shot many a cemetery, but I go for the old ones. Same idea, but really much more of a story, to me at least. Check one out:
http://365project.org/moncooga/365/2011-03-07
To me, the trick is to get close to the ground. It seems to add effect. Try it out!
but if you MUST do it then block out peoples names at least give the dead that much restpect.
in fairness i visited the cemetery one day for my project but it was a photo of a tree mainly with stones in the background, you are making it an attempted personal shot which i dont agree with - sorry
Best of luck
As for a casket - I wish I had a photo of his casket and I wish I had a photo of it in the ground as we covered it with flowers.
I wish I had a photo of what I'm told was mountains of food at the wake (I couldn't even walk inside the building).
If I had a do-ever, I would have entrusted a friend with a camera and told them to take as many as they could without being intrusive or in anyone's face.
...my 2c.