Yesterday, the husband was cleaning windows outside (I know, right?) when all of the sudden he anxiously called for me to "Get out here and check out this spider". (*Note - to better explain the tone of his voice, I must first mention the time he spazzed out in the car and elbowed me in the face, giving me a black eye, because he looked down and saw a...drumroll, please.... Daddy Long-Legs on him ......A Daddy Long-Legs. Really?? Oooooo! It's a lady bug!!! Run for your lives!!!!) I told him to hold on as I grabbed my camera.
I'll admit, I was nervous as I stepped outside, not sure how close I should get (to the husband, not the spider). Said spider was hanging out in one of our window wells and could, honestly, have been mistaken for a small dog. It was HUUUUGE!!! It easily matched the diameter of a half dollar and it looked like it had a shell of some sort on its back. Its huge web confused me ....I was not aware that hermit crabs/small dogs, weaved webs. That's just not something they teach in public school.
Anyhow, all I could see was it's belly to get a picture. We spent the rest of the day being creeped out, wondering if it was still outside ordering pizza and calling its friends. In the early evening, we decided to go out and check. This time, I convinced the husband to use a stick to turn it as much as he could without disturbing the web. You would have thought I asked him to kneel down and smell the wet spot on the carpet again to see if it was pee. (I know, I ask too much of him). He took a deep breath through his contorted face and slowly reached out and turned the spider (who I shall now refer to as Olga). O.....M......G. What I saw as I snapped my photo was enough to send me reeling back, screaming, "OH MY GAWD!!!!!" People, IT HAD A FACE ON ITS BACK!!!! The kids, who had gathered to get a peek Olga, were chasing me saying, "Lemme see!! I wanna see!!" I stopped near the back door and, without explaining my disheveled composure, I showed them what I had seen. One by one they all exclaimed "IT HAS A FACE!!!!"
I went directly to my friend, Google, and typed in "Big Ass Spider With A Freaking Face On Its Back" (or something similar....I don't remember the details). What I discovered is that Olga is an Araneus gemmoides, aka - a cat faced spider. They are usually discovered late in the season, outside, near the corners of buildings. Most importantly, they are completely harmless to humans.
*shudder* I will live the rest of the season assuming that Olga is faring well. I will make that assumption because, harmless or not, I don't ever want to see her again. Like, EH-VER.
