13 years ago today was the due date of a baby that I miscarried at 9 weeks. It was my first loss and it destroyed me. I'd had 3 healthy full term babies and was still living in pregnancy bliss, not ever thinking it would happen to me. And then it did.
Before then, pregnancy loss had been a forlorn, taboo subject for me and those around me. I was completely alone. No one I knew had experienced it... and if they did, it was just not talked about. Not until I was there, too. Then they came out of the woodwork with stories of their own heartbreak and lonliness. Something I do now when I learn of someone close to me suffering the same loss. It helps to talk just as much as it helps to listen.
The now shared secret sisterhood helped but I was still left with a larger than life emptiness where I had weeks before held all of the hope and excitement that a new life brings. I would never have memories of first smiles, first steps, sticky little hands around my neck, proms, weddings, grandchildren... I ached for something, anything .... anything to help me remember.
I was walking through the mall and came across a store that sold odds and ends of miscellaneous items. I was just browsing when my eye (and heart) caught this figurine. It is an angel cradling a little bear in her arms. There was something about that little face looking up into the eyes of his angels that stopped me in my tracks. And, not just that, but the fact that we had, from the very first knowledge of our little baby, lovingly referred to him/her as "Lil' Bear". (In my heart, I think Lil' Bear was a boy) I bought the figurine and it has brought me comfort over the last 13 years. Because I look at it and I remember. The pain that has faded is still there but the love now far outweighs it.
Each year, we have commemorated September 14th with a small token of love for each of our , now 10, angels. Some new flowers in the garden, a balloon sent to heaven, a new stepping stone... something. Today it will be this photo.
Happy Angel Day.... I love you and thank you for being my babies.
What a sweet story. Not sure if you noticed, but I started my journey on my angels birthday this year. We too do something special in some way to celebrate her. You are right about the little expression on that bears face...just full of love and light! Hope the day was easy on you. Hugs from another in the special club
