It has been said many a time that there are no perfect families. Some however have the appearance of being that way when a little scratch of the surface will uncover a sorrow that no one usually sees. That could be said of my mother's family. It appeared to be quite nice, but in reality there were some painful chapters in its storyline. When my mother was quite young, her birth mother left my grandfather and took up with his business partner. My grandfather was able to keep my mother and her older brother due to the unusual circumstances of their mother's departure, but he struggled with the responsibility.
Still, a deep bond was forged between my grandfather and my mom. He loved her and she adored him. He sang her songs while strumming his banjo and she drew him pictures and wrote little notes for him to read. Eventually my grandfather remarried and his new wife took upon the role of mother to Nan and Dick. Two half-sisters joined the family later on but in the meantime my mother respected and appreciated the new "mom" in her life. But it was always her father that she was closest to.
Sadly my grandfather died from lung cancer when I was in grammar school. The loss was devastating for my mom. And certain things seemed to spiral out of control for a while. But eventually, with the love and help from family, friends, and strength gained through faith, she put her life back together.
One day when I was getting ready to head off to college my mother came to me carrying something I knew was a prized possession of hers. The love-worn teddy bear called Puggy had been a gift my grandfather gave to her as a child. She treasured him and had loved off most of his fur, but his little glass eyes always looked like they were full of love and understanding. "Gampy gave him to me when he was going away for a while and I've carried him with me for a long time. I brought him with me when I went to college and now it's time for him to go to college with you." I couldn't believe she was passing him on to me, but I loved him just as much as she did and he sat proudly on my bed while I studied away from home. When I look at that little bear I see the years of love from a father to his daughter and from a daughter to her daughter. It is a special legacy which at some point I hope to pass on to one of my grandchildren.
Gampy's love lives on in another way as well. The banjo that he played while my mother was little (but put aside when his new wife thought that it was too loud!) now has found a new voice with my husband (whose wife doesn't mind hearing it at all!). Jeff decided that in honor of the man who "gave him the most amazing instrument in the world" he would have our grand children call him Gampy.
I enjoy the fact that every time the banjo is played or one of my "grands" asks if they can give Puggy a hug, that the love my mother and her father shared lives on. It's such a sweet legacy!
So well-told, with such a nice vintage family pic. Neat light and shadow in the pic a metaphor for the joy and sadness in your mom's relationship with her dad? Such a sweet and meaningful way to carry on your family traditions.... :)
What a lovely story and picture! As you say, there is many a sad story in peoples lives and some make it an excuse to behave the way the do and others put it all behind them. Whats nice about a banjo is that it goes with singing.... I presume you do too?
Oh Ann, your story gave me the shivers reading it. That is very sad that your grandmother left her husband and children but a lovely story that your mum and grandfather had such a strong and loving bond. x
@homeschoolmom Thanks Lisa- yes this one was in particularly good shape considering how old it was! @gratefulness Thanks Sandi! They had a wonderful relationship in spite of the sorrow. He was not the perfect father and she had her bumps in the road as well (actually a repeat of his) but in the end, they never had a break in the relationship until his death. So it was a good one- with both shadow and light. A lovely thought of it as a metaphor. @kerristephens Thank you Kerri! @dibzgreasley Thank you Debs! I think its very interesting how life can recycle things like names and heirlooms without us recognizing it until much later. It's a fun aspect of my life that there are so many of them! @maggiemae Thank you Maggie! Yes, I do- was in choir all through childhood and into my teens. Stopped in college which I really can't explain why, as I never disliked it! Now I just sing in the car. Hubby is the more talented musician. He also sings but doesn't like his voice (silly man-it's fine!). @digitalrn Thank you Rick! Isn't it interesting to see how that happens? What family history will live on in Scarlett? Or my grandchildren? It will be fun to see. @nicolecampbell Thank you Nicole! I don't know what made her choose that route. I know that tragic decisions like that cannot be blamed solely on one person. But my grandfather's role in the failure of his first marriage was never discussed (but really, who would discuss that with children back in the 60's? No one!). And his second marriage was a success and the families blended so it appears it became a "thing of the past". I'm sure there were some emotional repercussions- and I think it showed up in a couple different ways, but that's another story and picture! Suffice it to say that all families have these bittersweet chapters and they are a part of who we are. You can take them as bitter and let them bury you or you can take them as something that refines the gold which brings out the best in you.
@daisymiller Thank you Daisy! @prttblues Thank you Bev! And yes- he is the Teddy Bear version of the Velveteen Rabbit! @vesna0210 Thank you very much Vesna! I take that as a very high compliment coming from a poet such as yourself.
This reminds me of my husbands moms story. Mimi was only 2 when her Dad walked away and they never again heard from him. Eventually Mimi's mom remarried and they adopted two babies but then Mimi's mom died of cancer and her step-dad remarried a year later to a woman who adopted all three kids. Within 5 years the step Dad died and Rose, the new mom married again just before Mimi moved out to marry my Father-in-law. So my husbands "grandparents- Rose and Junior- are like the original George Washington's Axe. Yes the replaced the head twice and the handle three times but it is still the same one.
Awesome detail in this old photo! Fascinating story--sad but shows people making good lives despite adversity. My father and his twin brother were also raised by their father (almost unheard of in their day) because of similar circumstances. Do you have a photo of Puggy?
@eudora Thank you Diane! I think that is part of the human spirit- to make something good out of adversity. You either have the pluck to rise above it or make it work for you or you give in to it. And yes, Puggy has appeared a couple times in my project over the years. Here's my favorite one- http://365project.org/olivetreeann/365/2013-07-10
@pandorasecho Thank you Dixie! My goodness, that's a complicated story!! Thankfully it sounds like each person who stayed with the children when the spouse left or died was a very loving person who didn't look at them as biological responsibilities but as children who needed love. Wow- so admirable!
October 3rd, 2014
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@gratefulness Thanks Sandi! They had a wonderful relationship in spite of the sorrow. He was not the perfect father and she had her bumps in the road as well (actually a repeat of his) but in the end, they never had a break in the relationship until his death. So it was a good one- with both shadow and light. A lovely thought of it as a metaphor.
@kerristephens Thank you Kerri!
@dibzgreasley Thank you Debs! I think its very interesting how life can recycle things like names and heirlooms without us recognizing it until much later. It's a fun aspect of my life that there are so many of them!
@maggiemae Thank you Maggie! Yes, I do- was in choir all through childhood and into my teens. Stopped in college which I really can't explain why, as I never disliked it! Now I just sing in the car. Hubby is the more talented musician. He also sings but doesn't like his voice (silly man-it's fine!).
@digitalrn Thank you Rick! Isn't it interesting to see how that happens? What family history will live on in Scarlett? Or my grandchildren? It will be fun to see.
@nicolecampbell Thank you Nicole! I don't know what made her choose that route. I know that tragic decisions like that cannot be blamed solely on one person. But my grandfather's role in the failure of his first marriage was never discussed (but really, who would discuss that with children back in the 60's? No one!). And his second marriage was a success and the families blended so it appears it became a "thing of the past". I'm sure there were some emotional repercussions- and I think it showed up in a couple different ways, but that's another story and picture! Suffice it to say that all families have these bittersweet chapters and they are a part of who we are. You can take them as bitter and let them bury you or you can take them as something that refines the gold which brings out the best in you.
@prttblues Thank you Bev! And yes- he is the Teddy Bear version of the Velveteen Rabbit!
@vesna0210 Thank you very much Vesna! I take that as a very high compliment coming from a poet such as yourself.
http://365project.org/olivetreeann/365/2013-07-10
@pandorasecho Thank you Dixie! My goodness, that's a complicated story!! Thankfully it sounds like each person who stayed with the children when the spouse left or died was a very loving person who didn't look at them as biological responsibilities but as children who needed love. Wow- so admirable!