Susanna thought that she should completely change her life. She should get up early. She should make her bed. She should eat good food. She should invest time in occupations that would further her career, that would create a career. She should practice yoga and swim for aerobic strength.
Instead, she slept late. She left the sheets rumpled. She ate potato chips for breakfast, and then continued eating candy, pasta and cheese all day long. She watched TV shows and sat on the couch reading book reviews of books she could read in that other, changed and perfect life that was somewhere just over the horizon. She hardly moved all day long unless it was a day she had to go to work at her job that was just that, a job, not a career.
Then Susanna met a man. She fell in love and was possessed of endless energy. She woke at dawn and made the bed. She cooked whole grain muffins before breakfast to tempt his palate. TV seemed too slow and too boring, and she brought back great stacks of lofty books from the library, questioning all the while her motives: were the books for show or was she actually interested in the subjects? They provided plenty of fascinating discussion ideas for the (nutritious) dinners she cooked for her beloved, so busily excited all day that she never snacked. Projects blossomed at work and she stood slightly taller as a result of both yoga and pride in her accomplishments. She was a flower reflected in her lover’s eyes.
After a couple years, however, life with the man devolved back into the ordinary. She again slept late, ate all day and pursued sedentary, frivolous activities. She had returned to her baseline.
As a self-improvement experiment, she set forth on a forty day guided plan that included sleep, food, exercise and activities. Somehow, for reasons she could not quite understand, she managed to follow the guidelines to the letter, never veering from their constraints, fully enjoying the sense of well-being (and pride) that suffused her mind and body. On the last day, she wondered what came next. Perhaps she should eat a pizza to celebrate her accomplishment! Aaah, the pleasures of large quantities of melted cheese together with bread… Perhaps she should read something a bit lighter, or maybe watch a TV show. Aaah, the pleasures of watching aristocrats muddle through life at Downton Abby…. Perhaps she should take a break from practicing yoga and just sit on the couch for a while. Perhaps, she should make her next 40 day plan.
Years and years later, in her old age, Susanna wondered precisely when her life had ceased to be a grand medieval passion play in which Vice and Virtue fought a cyclical battle for her soul. Her soul had been both actor and audience in the drama. But, over time, her life had become more populated. People and responsibilities had somehow crowded out those youthful concerns. Had she lived a life of virtue or a life of vice? The question seemed irrelevant now. She realized she had been freed from quite a bit of striving, worry and anxiety. Susanna hoped the home would serve ice cream this evening and that there would be a good movie showing. She was thrilled on a daily basis that she could walk on her own down to the dining room.
I don't know why (because this piece has nothing to do with the song!) but this made me think of that line from "Me and Bobby McGee"- freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose...
I like both the story and the shot.
Evocative story!
Well done!