My grandmother was critical. Of everything. I may have mentioned that I, along with pretty much every last one of my Swiss relatives, can moralize at the drop of a hat.
Oh you dropped your hat? It’s very worthwhile to always make sure that you hang on to your hat. If you had to buy a new hat every time you needed one, you would waste time and money. And, if you don’t have that hat with you when it gets cold, you could catch pneumonia like Uncle Eugene.
You get the idea. Actually, Uncle Eugene didn’t die of pneumonia but rather of some mysterious stomach ailment brought on by eating his spaghetti too fast. Or so my grandmother, who never lied or joked, told us when we gobbled our spaghetti.
My grandmother came to Chicago from Switzerland at age 88, having left a nice Pension in the countryside where she had accused a fellow resident with incipient dementia of lying (the most heinous sin of all). After wearing out various other welcomes with relatives, she came to live with us until she died.
My grandmother had something to say about every aspect of household management, every aspect of child rearing and every aspect of our behavior. She was not malicious or nasty; she just believed strongly that there was one right way to do things and that she had unique access to the knowledge. A couple of falls left her to spend the last two years bedridden in the upstairs back bedroom – from which she was most certainly able to continue supervising the household. There was nothing wrong with her hearing, though her interpretations of what she heard weren’t always accurate.
On some topics my mother held her ground, like refusing to allow plate-stacking when clearing the table. My grandmother deemed this practice inefficient since you had to make a lot of trips back and forth to the kitchen. Margherita came over once to eat salted codfish and she stacked the plates, mayonnaise and all, while helping clear the table. “You see,” crowed my grandmother, triumphant. “Even Margherita does it.”
There was no budging the woman. One time she scolded me for not coming by to say goodnight the previous evening. In fact, I had stopped by her room, but she had been sleeping, sitting propped up against her pillows in the only position that would accommodate asthma and a dowager’s hump. My explanation was rejected because “I never sleep.” So then I was on the carpet for lying as well!
My parents bought her a radio with the idea that she could listen to nice classical music. But she soon found the Moody Bible Institute station and decided they broadcast round-the-clock a continuous dramatic tale, interrupted only by the studio musicians who took on various roles in the story as well. She filled us in daily on the latest developments in a fabulous soap opera complete with evil ministers, demon-possessed people, illicit affairs, coerced and coercive marriages, abortions, mistaken identities, in short, every soap opera element ever invented. Although her mind remained sharp as a tack until the morning of the day she died at 93, there was NO reasoning with her on this subject. She rejected the idea that her complete lack of English might prevent her from understanding the actual broadcasts. And if you thought you were lucky enough to have missed a day’s (incredibly detailed) installment, think again! She remembered exactly where in the story she had left off with every different person and would pick it up there. For a woman who had never read a line of fiction in her life, who had never even watched any movies, she surely did spin a grand tale.
I love the old photo and your skill in telling the story. I just wonder how the children and grandchildren of a non affirming character manage in later life? It is not in my experience. Unconditional love and encouragement were the hallmark of the grandmother who lived with us for several years until her death at 79 years.
No doubt your grandmother thought that her guidance was the way to help you in your life. We're all different.
I do believe she was quite the Lady, and I assume she may have always had the last word through out life, but probably underneath it all was a very loving Grandmother
She reminds me of several people I know who only see the world in black and white. But I do sense a bit of respect for her in you as well. You write so well!
September 20th, 2014
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No doubt your grandmother thought that her guidance was the way to help you in your life. We're all different.