I'll be playing catch-up on photo-posting for awhile because I've been completely overtaken with my mother's illness and recent death. Her memorial service was last night. I captured this monarch while reflecting on her love of beauty during a morning walk on the Flint Hills Trail.
For those interested in knowing more about my mom and about me, I share my husband's moving and eloquent eulogy with you:
MARILYN’S EULOGY
By Jeff King
I became part of Marilyn’s life and family over 40 years ago when I started dating her oldest daughter, Kareen. Kareen and I were in high school at the time, and I know Marilyn was concerned that we were getting too serious too soon.
Marilyn’s fears came to pass when I asked to marry Kareen a few years later. Seeing her oldest daughter marry at the young age of 19 was not what she preferred. From my perspective now, I see her point much better than I did then.
To Marilyn’s credit, she welcomed me into her family. I discovered that Marilyn was a woman of great grace and love, willing to put aside her own preferences for the sake of others.
She wasn’t afraid to voice her opinion, but in the end she always found a way to open her arms and expand her heart with love.
I’ve had the privilege of walking through many life events with Marilyn. I watched her walk through some of the darkest, most difficult situations that life threw at her. I also had the privilege of being a part of some of the highlights of her life—the birth of her grandchildren, the achievements of her children and grandchildren, and finding love again. I had the privilege of performing Marilyn and Larry’s wedding.
On this side of the ledger I recognize the magnitude of love she embodied. Marilyn taught us that love often calls us to sacrifice and suffer. But Marilyn also taught us to celebrate. She would often force us to stop everything and take in a moment of beauty. Marilyn was one who stopped to smell the roses. She always challenged us to sit on our porch more and take in the beauty of our country view.
Marilyn always wanted to share her joys and discoveries. It wasn’t unusual for her to randomly call us to tell us to turn on PBS to watch “the most amazing show I’ve ever seen,” that was being aired. Or call at the last minute to invite us to a jazz concert.
Marilyn had her unique trademarks. She loved antiques. Vacations often included the kids having to share space in the back of the car with some piece she discovered and got for a “real bargain and will make a great investment.”
Marilyn loved bargains. “I got this for only a fraction of what it’s worth!!!”
I swear she kept Name Brand Clothing in business. Sometimes her bargain shopping didn’t work out so well, like the pair of shoes she gave Joanna for Christmas one year. Turns out the “pair” were both for the left foot.
Marilyn grew to love watching sports, probably due to the influence of Larry. However, watching a game with Marilyn often proved to be an event in its own right. She was full of questions about the rules and strategies and scoring. Sometimes she would ask so many questions, that we couldn’t watch the game itself.
She made up her own terminology as well. Her favorite penalties in basketball were “personal roughness” and “over-guarding.” She usually felt sorry for the team that was behind and would begin cheering for them, even if it was the wrong team. On many occasions she would cheer them onto coming back to beat the team we were supposed to be cheering for.
Another endearing trait, well—mostly endearing, was Marilyn’s knack of abruptly changing the topic of conversation. She would ask a random question or bring up an unrelated topic. I think it was her insatiable curiosity.
When she was in the hospital the last time, Kareen asked her what interesting topic she would like to discuss. Marilyn always loved discussing theology, and she brought up how religions differed with each other. I volunteered my perspective by launching into a lengthy comparison of religions. After a few minutes Marilyn interrupted with, “Look at those flowers.” Kareen brought her change of topic to her attention and Marilyn responded, “My love of theology has been replaced by the love of flowers.”
We all would be better off if we stuck with flowers.
Marilyn was all about creativity, uniqueness, authenticity, and quality beauty. She was never one to settle for conventional. This was evident in her interior decorating, eye for collectables, taste in music, her spontaneous singing and dancing, and how she decorated her Christmas tree. Every Christmas was a great unveiling of her latest Christmas tree creation.
Her greatest gift to me was daring to ask the hard questions when it comes to God and theology. We often said she played the devil’s advocate, never willing to settle for the standard answers. At first I found that bothersome. But I realized over the years that Marilyn was onto something. Marilyn often doubted. She struggled believing she was fully accepted and loved by God. Like many of us, she wrestled with comparing her value and contribution with those who appeared to do more and be more.
The difference with Marilyn was that she had the courage to be honest with her questions. Little did she realize but she helped me grow in my own faith as I witnessed her struggle with hers. She taught me that authentic faith that honestly asks questions is, in the end, more trustworthy than the faith that pretends to have all the answers.
Marilyn taught me that doubts are a vital part of our faith.
Doubts lead us to questions.
• Questions lead to discoveries.
• Questions lead us to growth.
• Questions lead us to mystery.
• Mystery leads us to trust and acceptance.
• All this leads us to God’s grace, and a place of surrender and trust in the love of God.
Father Richard Rohr writes:
In my experience, I observe that the people who find God are usually those who are very serious about their quest and their questions. It is said that asking good questions is a sign of intelligence. But Western culture has spent centuries admiring and promoting people who supposedly have all the answers—which, too often, they have read or heard from someone else.
Marilyn was great at asking questions. She leaves us a legacy of questing for God.
Marilyn left behind a journal she kept during a spiritual retreat she took in 1989. In it she focused on two primary Scripture passages:
PSALM 40
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the LORD
and put their trust in him.
4 Blessed is the one
who trusts in the LORD,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.[b]
5 Many, LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done,
the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
they would be too many to declare.
6 Sacrifice and offering you did not desire—
but my ears you have opened[c]—
burnt offerings and sin offerings[d] you did not require.
7 Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll.[e]
8 I desire to do your will, my God;
your law is within my heart.”
9 I proclaim your saving acts in the great assembly;
I do not seal my lips, LORD,
as you know.
10 I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help.
I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness
from the great assembly.
11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, LORD;
may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
12 For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me.
13 Be pleased to save me, LORD;
come quickly, LORD, to help me.
EPHESIANS 3
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Marilyn particularly focused on the two themes of
• Waiting patiently for the Lord
• Being rooted and grounded
Without her realizing it, her waiting lead to being rooted and grounded. As Rainer Maria Rilke (RI-nah Maria RIL-ka) wrote:
“Bear with patience all that is unresolved in your heart, and try to love the questions themselves. . . . For everything must be lived. Live the questions now, perhaps then, someday, you will gradually, without noticing, live into the answer.”
Through her journey, Marilyn proved herself to be a good Lutheran. She learned to experience and lean on the grace of God. Marilyn developed the rich capacity to extend the grace of God to others. I am honored and thankful that Marilyn allowed me to be her son-in-law.
