“We don’t know how to do this (the pandemic). If you don’t own the feelings and name them, you will be eaten alive. To be alive is to be vulnerable. It’s the only path to courage. There is no courage without vulnerability. The most vulnerable people I know are the toughest people I know.” - Brene Brown
What I am feeling right now is deep sadness over lives lost and dreams crushed as well as grief over what's to come, anxiety regarding how the coronavirus may impact those I love, and personal concern over whether I will be one of those swallowed up in the sea of statistics. It's not that I'm not realistic about the fact that I'm mortal and that my life on this earth is finite. It's that I'm more aware than ever that it's an illusion to think that I have any control whatsoever over the uncontrollable. All I have is the gift of the present and gratitude over a very full and meaningful life thus far. I just want more time. More time to love my family, more time to make a difference, more time to share beauty, more time to enjoy the fruit of my labor, more time to create the legacy I want to leave behind. Last night I went for a walk with my three-legged wonder dog Hank to the local cemetery. The sky transformed into an endless array of spectacular hues and shapes and light and color. Being in the cemetery wasn't an eerie or depressing thing for me. It was just another reminder for me to "number my days" and to "make the most of my time." And that ultimately life is a vapor, a breath, and a beautiful gift.
