I’m not a sign-seeking individual. If there are to be signs signaled to me from heaven, it has to be announced with the sound of a trumpet, as sometimes the obvious escapes me. Some signs I won’t recognize until after the fact. Here are a couple of recent, what I’d like to believe, indications that my mom is alive and well and desirous to let me know she’s thinking of me. Maybe she’s trying to send me a specific message, but like I said, sometimes it takes awhile for me to get stuff.
Just a month ago I did a family photo shoot at a graveside service at the request of a high school classmate and friend who lived next door to me during my teen years. I was there to capture candid and posed moments of those who gathered to pay tribute to their beloved mother. Otherwise, on this occasion I was literally focusing on the occasion of someone else’s mother’s passing.
In the meantime, however, I had parked my car near the house I grew up in, just as a symbol of reconnecting with my mom. And after the photo shoot ended, I drove across town to visit my stepdad to give him a birthday gift. Again, my focus wasn’t on my mom, but on him, even though I was about to enter the last house my mom lived in, a house I hadn’t been in for almost a year.
As I approached the front entrance, “Pa” as I affectionately call him, opened the door to let me in. But, as I walked toward the door, I noticed a big white feather a couple feet from me. The feather then lightly lifted from the ground, floated before me, drifted through the door, and landed at the stop of the staircase.
“Hmmm . . . that’s interesting,” I thought for a second, and then went into the living room to converse with Pa for the next hour.
As I was leaving, Pa noticed the feather, still on the floor, picked it up and gave it to me. I had already forgotten about it.
“Hmmm, maybe it’s a little sign from Mom,” I teased and took the feather into my car.
Curious, I googled possible symbolic meanings surrounding the appearance of a white feather. One article in particular, “7 Spiritual Meanings When You Find A White Feather”, gave me pause. In a nutshell, the common meanings include: 1) a message from a departed loved one, 2) a message from an angel, 3) encouragement after a disappointment, 4) a message to tell you to pay more attention to your spiritual development, 5) a message to be more decisive, 6) a message of love, and 7) a reminder that you are on the right path.
And then today I began reading a book given to me by my daughter-in-law, Steph. The book, “Crying in H Mart,” is a memoir by singer-songwriter Michelle Zaunder about the journey of losing her mother.
I was already shedding tears in the first two pages, when suddenly I heard a chirping sound. Just a few feet away from me was a beautiful cardinal near the window box of flowers. I grabbed my camera and captured a couple shots.
“Hello, Mom,” I thought.
Cardinals, I’ve often been told, are signs of loved ones who have passed. I don’t know if that’s wishful thinking or not, but I do know that I every time I see one, I think of my mom.
I don’t know what she was here to tell me, but it comes at a time when I now realize that self worth is not dependent on what others think of or say about me, but it comes from within. And that losing sight of it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, but that it has always been there. If you are lucky enough to unearth it after it’s been buried underneath hurt and false beliefs, you then need to just hug yourself and never let go.
I do know that the sense of hope is more tangible than it’s been a long while.
