To all my loyal followers and everyone else on 365 I'll try to make this brief. I joined 365 to inspire me & get me out and about after a 2 year struggle (but more devastating 7mth hospital stay) dealing with life-threating self-harming behavior's resulting from childhood PTSD, many lies I believe about myself joined with severe inherited anxiety.
I have loved it (365)..I find it very encouraging and fun. It's pretty much the only encouragement I ever get in a day!! I have been unwell a lot of my life. I've had over 25 operations in my 31years, many emergency and life-saving, have two auto-immune diseases and take approx 26-28 tablets a day and two injections.
I am now facing a very rare breast cancer named Phyllodes. It accounts for 1% of all known and doesn't respond to chemo, radiation or hormone treatment. Web info is useless compared to the more devastating info a specialist in the USA and other researchers of this cancer are giving my oncologist. USA guy's studies have shown regardless of what they do or what stage it's considered (benign, borderline - mine, or malignant) the mortality rate is very high in first 5 years and basically all by 15. I'm struggling with decisions, fear and uncertainty, LACK OF SUPPORT, and plain DEVASTATION. With my two beautiful children and desire to live it just sucks!!!
With the self-harming in control and being back home for the last 4mths with my kids (yet still off work), I am seeing the effects all my illnesses, both physical and emotional are having/or have had, on my children/husband/friends and family. Although my bodies health is out of my control, the judgement/rejection and comments from others has devastated me. Not only do their judgments and attitudes hurt and affect me but my children too. ( in relation to birthday party invites, play dates with their friends etc) Also their concern for me and my health - an having heard firsthand some of the comments/judgments is affecting their concentration abilities at school and basically bringing them down. Plus my side of the family have withdrawn support and don't have any interest or contact with us even regarding my recent diagnosis. Why this extends to the children too I don't understand, they are not me, it confuses my kids greatly and is hard for me to try to encourage them to persist in loving them just the same as always and justify why this is happening without putting my family in a bad light (I'm not that type of person)
I recently (2 weeks ago) was in a car accident, not hurt but not insured either and already extremely financially challenged it was crap timing, slipped, fell, and fractured my pelvis 8 weeks ago (which BTW is really painful for 6 -12months) and feel like by just existing I am inadvertently ruining so many peoples lives. My inspiration is failing for 365 due to above circumstances (left some others out too due to trying to be brief). I want to persist, I want to be positive but when daily attacked it's not easy....may use some archived photos for a bit while undergoing so many tests, appts, surgery and so on. Sorry if this is too much info I've just found that the 365 community is generally supportive and understanding and I would like you to understand these struggles when looking at my photos.
It is hard to fathom that you have had to endure so much in your life- it seems like so much more than anyone one person should have to endure. Having seen your 365 photos it is apparent to me that you have found a renewed love for life- and I'm sorry that your family isn't there to see that.
Hi Sarah Jane. That took an awful lot of courage to share and I appreciate it and want to say how much I admire what you've just done! Your photographs have given no hint of the underlying pain and struggle. They must be a reflection of the beautiful person that you are in spite of all that has been happening.
I have no idea how I'd react to such devastating news about the cancer. From this distance all I can do is sent you a 'virtual hug' and put you on our list for prayer in Saint Nicholas'. We pray regularly for a number of folk and you will join that company!
Do you have Macmillan Nurses in Australia, or Marie Curie. Here in UK they are the folk who have the most experience and knowledge with regard to advice, counselling and support.
Perhaps among your 365 friends there are some who can help in a practical way through their understanding gained by experience.
I'll look at your photographs with increased interest in the next while and hope that you can continue to be creative both in photography and in painting and other ways of self expression. It is going to be an awful struggle at times when so many appear to have abandoned you when you could use their support most.
If there's any way that long distance support can be of help then I know that many of us will rally round.
As for inspiration for pictures.... just take a picture of the first thing each day that gives you a glimmer of hope... a cup of tea, a rain drop, a smile, a page from a book/newspaper, a postage stamp .... They don't have to be great pictures... they will help you document these days when there is so much darkness.
My e-mail address is on my profile and on the blog that I do if you ever need a more private place to write. Meanwhile SJ - may you know God's peace and God's blessing as you walk through this next very dark place.
Sending you love and hugs. Elizabeth.
Sarah Jane
What unknown struggles go on in this place. I read with 'interest' and sadness at what life has thrown at you. As Elizabeth says your pictures and your smile belie what you have had to put up with. I am sorry your family have felt this way, this is truly a time for greatly needed support. I have been in the 'darkness' during a period of my life and thankfully now it is mostly behind me. If this place can offer any kind of support and encouragement in any way I am sure we will be here. As Elizabeth says..a little something everyday to hang onto....in my thoughts lots of love Cherrill
oh my Sarah, you are in my prayers also.No one should have to deal with all this in their life time. I can't imagine what you are going through medically and emotionally.You have alot of friends on 365,I think you should lean on us if you need/want to. Keep your chin up and take one day at a time,all the best,xxx
Hi Sarah, nice to meet you, i'm only 26yrs old but have to go for mamograms every year (or secon year depending on the results) and have been going since 22years of age. My eldest sister had breast cancer, she was diagnosed at 30years old, and unfortunately through many trials, treatments, coming and going of the disease, she did not survive and past away at age 36.
She however too tried to keep positive as much as she could but it got her realy bad and she was often depressed and stressed which did not help her condition at all... ;o(
Please in everything that you do keep positive and stay motivated... I myself get emotional or sad easily but since taking up photography it keeps me happy and focused on the more detailed things in life, it helps me forget about things that are not important in life and focused on being inspired and wanting to do better... enjoy every moment and document it to us on 365 (or any other means) so long as it is keeping you positive you will remain healthy... All the best and I would love to be an addition to one of your loyal followers.
Best Regards, Lameez
I don't quite know what to say, but I offer my suppport such as it can be from the other side of the world. Remember that your family's lack of support is no reflection on the type of person you or your children are and take comfort in those people that will be there for you. I hope and wish that you and your family have at least one or two true friends that will be there and stick by you through your tough times.
Hey there Sarah Jane ! i really think, like Elizabeth said, that took an extremely huge amount of courage to share and be so open with 'virtual' strangers who have turned out to be 'virtual' friends. i trust that you will learn to value, appreciate and love yourself because we are all made so uniquely and you have huge value ! i haven't been thru anything of which you have mentioned, altho we all face our giants and each one relatively huge to ourselves altho to others could be small. i think you should live each day to the fullest, for yourself and your family, block out any harming words and actions from others and focus on being the best you can be at this specific moment in time and the best that you were created to be. keep at your 365, it'll inspire you and give you an outlet for your creativity and in so doing hopefully help you to realise there is a wonderful YOU looking back at you in the mirror. will keep you in my prayers :)
Look to us to be your family. I know we can't hug you over the internet but we'll be here for you. There's is always someone to listen to your cry.
You've shown an immense strength in sharing your story with us and even more strength from battling through all the struggles and obstacles placed in your way. Don't feel like you're here to ruin lives, it is quite the opposite. I hope your family can see the 365 side of you and learn to love and support you more than ever.
That's a huge amount to deal with, Sarah. I have no idea what to say that can be helpful--and I wish we actually knew each other so I could be. I don't know why anyone would be negative towards somebody struggling, but all I can say is--try and let the negativity bounce off you like a pebble (actually envision that). Nothing is written in stone--just because a diagnosis states something, doesn't mean that your body will react to it like that. Bodies are different and case histories don't mean much. I worked for many years in the veterinary field and came across this time and time again. Positive thinking is HUGE.
Can your children talk to their class about what is happening at home? It may be helpful to them and their classmates if dialogue can be opened. I hate that this kind of stuff is hush-hush. It needs to be talked about.
If I understand correctly, you will be going through surgery--and I read that it has positive outcomes. I'm going to bank that it will be successful. Please keep us posted.
Though we are miles apart but through 365, it seems like i've known you long. So reading your thread really make my heart goes for you. You are courageous, brave & strong...you should be proud of yourself...i know i do & let's keep it this way. My prayers will always here for you....i think all other 365ers also feel the same. Sending all my hugs to you, maddy, ikey & hubby. Stay strong for them, for us & most important, yourself.
Wow. Needless to say, i'm going to be praying for you, your family, your illness, and your doctors. It's incredible that you have gone through all of that in your life, and still manage to be a mother, a wife, and a 365-er!
No matter what happens, remember that you can always turn to us. It, as Elizabeth said, took an extremely huge amount of courage and trust to be able to come to us with that, and to be so open, especially on the internet! I just want you to know that I will not abuse that, and I am here, as I am sure many other 365ers are, to offer any sort of help I can.
I always have enjoyed your pictures, and they have always been a little bit of brightness in my day! I just hope that this, and all of our comments and support, can be a little bit of brightness for you! God bless you, Sarah! We're all here for you!
I started following you because you take beautiful pictures. These pictures do not show the side that you describe. I find it interesting how we choose one image to represent the day. You have been choosing to find something good. That is what I have been doing since last November on facebook. I post something everyday that I am grateful for. It's a year long project with the hopes of bringing a more positive attitude in myself. Some days I have to look hard and long to find something and other days I have so many to choose from. I only post one a day so those days can be a challenge.
Maybe you can use this project to be an outlet for you. Maybe you can find one thing a day that you are grateful for in your pictures. Your kids will appreciate the pictures and you will find peace within yourself when you look at the pictures and realize that you are truly blessed.
My heart goes out for you Sarah...I'll definitely be praying for you. Keep lookin up sweetie...keep lookin up....God is ALWAYS there. Thanks so much for sharing.
I can't imagine what all of this must be like for you. To go through all of this is one thing, but to add on top of that the need to protect your children from the unkindness of others is simply unacceptable. I'm so sorry to hear it. Please know that my thoughts will be with you, and that I admire your strength for being able to share your struggles with this community. My heart goes out to you.
You are a brave lady to share so much, hats off to you.
Cancer is one of those things that sends people running off in the other direction. I've experienced it once and witnessed it many times, and it still makes me cross. I do understand tho, people cannot cope and dont know what to say. Funnily enough, even just popping round, making you a cuppa means more than words anyway.
I hope that us at 365 can make you that vitual cuppa whenever you need it. Just say.
You will be in my thoughts and I will wish with every fibre that you get some good news along the way. I hope the doctors will do their upmost to treat you and talk to you (a rarity with some doctors) and please dont ever give up hope. I also hope, when the shock subsides, that you will be 'you' again, take time to enjoy being who you are, and not just a cancer sufferer. Please take time to do all the things you love doing, and enjoy those lovely children - sod the rest of the world! It helped me.
Take good care of yourself Sarah Jane.
x
Sarah Jane. Yesterday I wrote that I had a migraine. You send me a comment and wish for me that I soon would be better. And you were sitting with so much more pain than me.
Every day you are giving my photo a comment, and I love to read it.
It makes me so sad to read about your struggles. I really want to say so many thinks to you, but I can not find the right words in English. I wish all the best for you. I wish that you can find your inspiration again. So that you can forget about your health for a while. I am so sorry for you and your family.
I wish that I could help you. You just have to say so If you need someone to talk/write to.
You are a loving person, and we are a lot who will think of you.
Sarah Jane - I'm so sorry to hear about your latest news on top of your past hard times. You have my best wishes for some good stuff to come your way especially in fighting this cancer. Hoping that the 365 project and community will continue to help support you in these days.
I had no idea that you had been through this much! This story brought so much sadness to my heart, and I could just feel your frustration and sadness and hopelessness through your words, but just know that I (and I'm sure many others on 365) will be praying for you!
I wish you the best of luck!!
Sarah Jane,
You are certainly in my prayers. I hope you realize how strong you are for going through all that you have. You must be a serious fighter! Keep up that fight, that spirit, and pray that God will continue to give you the strength to get through each day. I know that He will!
Thank you for being part of the 365. I hope you at least keep in touch through your comments, even if you don't feel like taking pictures. Take care of yourself!
Sarah Jane, I am so sorry to hear all you've been through and all that you're dealing with now. It takes a lot of strength and courage to open up like that, and I'm sure it's that exact strength and courage that has helped you get through so much. Don't give up the fight, you have a big group of 365ers who are pulling for you and standing behind you. I wish there was something I could do, but please know that I'm here to listen.
Dearest Sarah, my heart just breaks for you because I've seen your smiling face and had only the faintest hint of your struggles. I've been the recipient of the outpouring from this very loving community, and I hope you're feeling the warmth from all of us who are touched by your words and care so much for *you*. I know that each of us would reach across the world to help you more if we could, but, capable of only doing less, please take all our words to heart, and believe that the outreach to you is as heartfelt as though from your closest friend. You've been in my thoughts since I read of your struggle to face this next hurdle, and you have my sincerest prayers to conquer all that's befallen you. If it helps to know others have been in dark places too and emerged whole, than I haven't been without my struggles. I hope that our community spirit lifts you up, give you purpose, brings you support that's caring and sincere and provides an outlet for art therapy through photography. Don't abandon us so that we can be here for you. You're a beautiful soul, dealt a bad hand. Let us change for you what we can. I'll sign on to be a follower, and if you ever want anything more from me in the way of communication, just ask, and I'll send you a way to contact me. I just want you to know I'd do anything I can. This community, months ago, became so much more than a circle of photographers. From one you cares so much, love to you, my sweet friend, Louise
Dear Sarah, I have really enjoyed being connected with you through our 365 project. Please stay! You are so kind. I hear so much sadness in your voice. I think I understand it on many levels: I too have an auto-immune disease (ms) and also do daily injections (well..every other day, but don't tell!) I too have had what little family I have ignore me like they're afraid of me or something. My one consolation is my children and my husband who are supportive. But enough of that, I tell you this so you won't feel so alone, because I understand. I can understand how overwhelmed you must feel. It is okay if you post some archived pictures - no body will judge you. Stay connected with us, if anything, we will be the ones whom you can document your current life with. It will be real. Let 365 be a touchstone for you as it is for many of us. You can download days from the past as many do. Just don't give up. I hope you might be feeling better about things later, and I'll say some prayers for you. Stay calm, you are not alone! - Quinn.
Hi Sarah! So sorry to hear about your medical problems...My Mom was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer a few years ago. The prognosis was/is very similar to your situation. That being said, she has responded AMAZINGLY to treatment and although terminal her disease is kept "in check". I guess what I'm trying to convey is there's ALWAYS hope!!! If you don't like what you're hearing go to another Dr, if that one doesn't want to offer you optimism, find another. Try any and all treatments, physical, chemical, spiritual, and above all smile :)...Cancer Sucks!!! BUT, keep hoping, ask a ton of questions and then ask more, and remember you DON'T have an expiration date! Hopefully you're able to smile, I'll definitely keep you in my thoughts...Andrea
Dear Sarah Jane, I rarely look at this part of 365 but for some reason did tonight. I felt so sad reading your story. It was only a few days ago that I got the hint that you had major health issues. Stay with 365. We will understand if you can't post daily but I for one would miss you beautiful photos and generous comments. I find a visit to the 365 site can lift my spirits instantly. I will be praying for you too....I've already started!
Hope you don't mind some well-intentioned advice, but I've found improvement by taking Grape- seed and Flax seed oils. It's the "good" kind of fatty acids that are mostly absent in society's present diet. Wanted to share this. Hope it helps. :-)
Sarah, words cannot express what I feel for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you in this time of struggle. As everyone has said, this community can be a source of strength. I know from the recent passing of my mother that the outpouring of love and kindness is unbelievable. Be strong.
Rely on those you love and when you aren't strong, use them for strength. And know that there are many many many who care without agendas. For you and your family, I hope for endless amounts of comfort and time to heal...and a safety net of trust and love.
Sarah, I hope that just telling us your story has given you some solace and relief. Sometimes you just need to get it all out there and tell your friends how you're feeling. I'm glad you did because now you have an army of friends to send their prayers and good thoughts and affection to you. We are here and we are MANY - just for you! Keep strong - do not leave us!
Sue Bisgard
Been praying often for you, Sarah, as have many many of the 365 community. Anything you need, anytime, just let me know and I'll do my best to help, even if it is just a chat on the phone. If you need a meal anytime, we can help. I am SO proud of you, how you have hung on in spite of the circumstances.
May that special peace be really yours - Phil 4:7.
"Sent" you a yellow rose today!! God bless from Ireland on Sunday, 27th. Love, Elizabeth.
PS - I'd like to do a meal too.... but maybe that would have to be an e-meal!!
Sarah Jane, I want to echo what all the others have said. We are all here for you in whatever way we can support you. Though we may be far away in distance, we are with you in prayer. Will be thinking and praying for you and you family. Hugs.
Sarah, I honestly don't know what to say that has not already been said above. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Although I don't personally know you I feel like I do know you from your beautiful photos and always lovely and encouraging comments. If there is anything I can do please let me know. My mother has been a volunteer at the Queensland Cancer Fund for some 40 years and late last year she was diagnosed with colon cancer. She found that instead of volunteering she now needed their help. She said that the people she contacted at the Queensland Cancer Fund were wonderful so perhaps give them a call. Again, you and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.
sarah
I just now getting to know you through this project. Even miles and miles away, I feel your pain and I am so truly sorry that you are going through all this pain. I wish I had magical words that would make it "all good" for you. I wish I was there to offer you a shoulder to cry on and rest, however, all that I can offer is a virtual hug and positive thoughts... through this project, you have found some wonderful friends... how so lucky.
it is difficutl to face new day, hopefully, somehow, you can seize a moment of tranquittity, love, tenderness and cherish it and engrave it in your heart and mind... keep adding them, let them fill your heart.
Dear, Sarah, just read through the whole thread and I am lost for words! I've enjoyed your beautiful photos and your supportive comments, and I've had no idea what you were going though! You are an extremely loving, strong and corageous person! Whatever you do, try to always look on the bright side (it is lurking out there) and to stay positive! It's amazing what good thoughts can do for you! I am sorry to hear that your family is not there for you, but be sure that all of us on 365 are with you and we'll help with whatever we can. I had no idea what a wonderful community I'd find when I joined the site! Sometimes life is unfair, terribly hard, and it seems that things are going downhill....BUT there's always light at the end of the tunnel, after down, there comes up. It must be extremely difficult to stay positive and believe in the future, but keep taking photos and look for inspiration. I am sure things will change for the better! Sending you tons of virtual hugs to cheer you up!! “When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream.” - this is one of my favorite Paulo Coelho quotes, and I try to remind myself that when you seek, you shall find. My thoughts are with you!!
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I have no idea how I'd react to such devastating news about the cancer. From this distance all I can do is sent you a 'virtual hug' and put you on our list for prayer in Saint Nicholas'. We pray regularly for a number of folk and you will join that company!
Do you have Macmillan Nurses in Australia, or Marie Curie. Here in UK they are the folk who have the most experience and knowledge with regard to advice, counselling and support.
Perhaps among your 365 friends there are some who can help in a practical way through their understanding gained by experience.
I'll look at your photographs with increased interest in the next while and hope that you can continue to be creative both in photography and in painting and other ways of self expression. It is going to be an awful struggle at times when so many appear to have abandoned you when you could use their support most.
If there's any way that long distance support can be of help then I know that many of us will rally round.
As for inspiration for pictures.... just take a picture of the first thing each day that gives you a glimmer of hope... a cup of tea, a rain drop, a smile, a page from a book/newspaper, a postage stamp .... They don't have to be great pictures... they will help you document these days when there is so much darkness.
My e-mail address is on my profile and on the blog that I do if you ever need a more private place to write. Meanwhile SJ - may you know God's peace and God's blessing as you walk through this next very dark place.
Sending you love and hugs. Elizabeth.
What unknown struggles go on in this place. I read with 'interest' and sadness at what life has thrown at you. As Elizabeth says your pictures and your smile belie what you have had to put up with. I am sorry your family have felt this way, this is truly a time for greatly needed support. I have been in the 'darkness' during a period of my life and thankfully now it is mostly behind me. If this place can offer any kind of support and encouragement in any way I am sure we will be here. As Elizabeth says..a little something everyday to hang onto....in my thoughts lots of love Cherrill
She however too tried to keep positive as much as she could but it got her realy bad and she was often depressed and stressed which did not help her condition at all... ;o(
Please in everything that you do keep positive and stay motivated... I myself get emotional or sad easily but since taking up photography it keeps me happy and focused on the more detailed things in life, it helps me forget about things that are not important in life and focused on being inspired and wanting to do better... enjoy every moment and document it to us on 365 (or any other means) so long as it is keeping you positive you will remain healthy... All the best and I would love to be an addition to one of your loyal followers.
Best Regards, Lameez
You've shown an immense strength in sharing your story with us and even more strength from battling through all the struggles and obstacles placed in your way. Don't feel like you're here to ruin lives, it is quite the opposite. I hope your family can see the 365 side of you and learn to love and support you more than ever.
Can your children talk to their class about what is happening at home? It may be helpful to them and their classmates if dialogue can be opened. I hate that this kind of stuff is hush-hush. It needs to be talked about.
If I understand correctly, you will be going through surgery--and I read that it has positive outcomes. I'm going to bank that it will be successful. Please keep us posted.
No matter what happens, remember that you can always turn to us. It, as Elizabeth said, took an extremely huge amount of courage and trust to be able to come to us with that, and to be so open, especially on the internet! I just want you to know that I will not abuse that, and I am here, as I am sure many other 365ers are, to offer any sort of help I can.
I always have enjoyed your pictures, and they have always been a little bit of brightness in my day! I just hope that this, and all of our comments and support, can be a little bit of brightness for you! God bless you, Sarah! We're all here for you!
Maybe you can use this project to be an outlet for you. Maybe you can find one thing a day that you are grateful for in your pictures. Your kids will appreciate the pictures and you will find peace within yourself when you look at the pictures and realize that you are truly blessed.
Cancer is one of those things that sends people running off in the other direction. I've experienced it once and witnessed it many times, and it still makes me cross. I do understand tho, people cannot cope and dont know what to say. Funnily enough, even just popping round, making you a cuppa means more than words anyway.
I hope that us at 365 can make you that vitual cuppa whenever you need it. Just say.
You will be in my thoughts and I will wish with every fibre that you get some good news along the way. I hope the doctors will do their upmost to treat you and talk to you (a rarity with some doctors) and please dont ever give up hope. I also hope, when the shock subsides, that you will be 'you' again, take time to enjoy being who you are, and not just a cancer sufferer. Please take time to do all the things you love doing, and enjoy those lovely children - sod the rest of the world! It helped me.
Take good care of yourself Sarah Jane.
x
Every day you are giving my photo a comment, and I love to read it.
It makes me so sad to read about your struggles. I really want to say so many thinks to you, but I can not find the right words in English. I wish all the best for you. I wish that you can find your inspiration again. So that you can forget about your health for a while. I am so sorry for you and your family.
I wish that I could help you. You just have to say so If you need someone to talk/write to.
You are a loving person, and we are a lot who will think of you.
A big hug from Denmark to you.
A
I wish you the best of luck!!
You are certainly in my prayers. I hope you realize how strong you are for going through all that you have. You must be a serious fighter! Keep up that fight, that spirit, and pray that God will continue to give you the strength to get through each day. I know that He will!
Thank you for being part of the 365. I hope you at least keep in touch through your comments, even if you don't feel like taking pictures. Take care of yourself!
(((HUGS)))
Sue Bisgard
May that special peace be really yours - Phil 4:7.
PS - I'd like to do a meal too.... but maybe that would have to be an e-meal!!
I just now getting to know you through this project. Even miles and miles away, I feel your pain and I am so truly sorry that you are going through all this pain. I wish I had magical words that would make it "all good" for you. I wish I was there to offer you a shoulder to cry on and rest, however, all that I can offer is a virtual hug and positive thoughts... through this project, you have found some wonderful friends... how so lucky.
it is difficutl to face new day, hopefully, somehow, you can seize a moment of tranquittity, love, tenderness and cherish it and engrave it in your heart and mind... keep adding them, let them fill your heart.