I was so scared to post it but so glad I did. It put me in a better frame of mind to get a new round of tests done and the surgery will be early next week. The oncologists are not giving me any false hope and for that I am grateful but also frightened. I'm not looking forward to it, it's not so much the surgery it's the fact that it's the only thing I can really do and my future is so uncertain. However I'm also going to a few places dealing in herbal treatments and other alternative treatments and general good health and anything else I can do to increase my success rate. To protect my kids as much as possible as far as they know I am just going away for a few days. The tumor has grown significantly which was pretty much a known factor - now I wait...I wait with trepidation and hope together and fill my days with prayer and memory making with my kids etc. I'm so glad I came across 365project it has really helped in so many ways, a blessing all on it's own.
xo
SJ
(Sarah Connors)
You are strong lady & you have to be. There will be tons of positive thoughts & prayers for you here in 365 & from your loved ones too. Keep soldier on. You will always in my prayers, sarah.
Keep us posted on your progress when time permitted.
I'm praying for you and God is able! This is a test of you're faith and endurance. Believe and know that God is with you every step of the way and with him all things are possible!
Best wishes to you Sarah, we are all thinking of you in the days to come. You see beauty in your photographs...try and keep positive and beautiful thoughts in the dark times.
You know you have "a world of friends" keeping you in their prayers. I'm so proud of you that you've made the decision to go forward; it's got to be for the best. Sending love and best wishes to you and prayers that God will guide your doctor's hands to heal you. You're now, and have been, often in my thoughts.
i will think about you every day when i see your photo of the day, and it will be positive thoughts. with all of us in your 365 community doing the same, you will know that positive energy surrounds you. reach for it and use it to stay positive! Believe with all your heart and soul that you will watch your children grow up. If a negative thought jumps in, literally swat it away with your hand. You are a survivor.... you have already proved this so, no doubts!!!!
Dear Sarah Jane. I´m praying for you every day. I really really hope that your surgery is going well, and that you are getting well. Stay positive and beleave. I think that it will help you. Best wishes from Denmark to you.
Dear Sarah Jane, I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. I am still pretty new to 365project and this morning is the first time I read the blogs. I was drawn to your title because I was diagnosed with breast cancer 4 years ago, just 10 months after my father passed away from metastasized melanoma. My paternal grandmother passed away from lung cancer when I was a teenager and one of my father's sisters died of lymphoma around the same time.
My breast cancer was a different type than yours so I won't compare types or diagnoses. What I will tell you is to be positive for your kids and yourself. I have learned how weak & how strong both my spirit and my body are, for it was in my weakest moments that I found my greatest strength - the strength to persevere for my son.
Never give up hope. Train your brain to ignore negative people & comments. It's hard, but possible. We can't change the past or people - all we can change is ourselves. You have two beautiful children and a wonderful husband - choose to spend your time and energy with them. Live for them! Why live for people who don't deserve it? Talk with your kids about what is going on in terms they can understand and tell them that people's opinions are not important. In fact, many times people's opinions are completely wrong! What is important is that you spend time together that you enjoy - even if it's just a few precious moments here and there.
This is the time to prioritize and focus on the essentials of life and the beauty in your world. I know your heart aches for many, many reasons - the past, the present and the future. Live in the now. As my husband's aunt told me when I was diagnosed, "Now don't go out and get run over by a bus and die because you're worried about your cancer." That was very practical advice from a seasoned nurse who had seen it all.
Again, never give up hope! Amazing strides are being made in the medical field daily. Each day that you are alive is a day closer to a cure. Get your fight on and don't feel that you have to listen to people who don't understand your game face and battle. You can be polite, smile, and say I need to leave or you can say shut the *&%$ up and leave me the *&^# alone. It's your choice and your fight. My cancer past has taught me to take care of myself. I have no time for pettiness or rudeness. I try to be tactful and kind, but some people see that as weakness, so I have learned to set my boundaries and stick to them.
One thing that has helped me on low, down bad days is to have music ready. I have "happy music," healing music," "healing with attitude music," angry music," "sad music," etc. When I need a boost, I put my music on even when I really don't want to feel better and just want to wallow in sorrow. Photography has also helped me on low, down bad days. The chance to focus with a camera has helped me to focus with life. It's a good way to learn to focus on priorities. Imagine the people and things in your life as subjects for a photo - which would you keep and which would you reject?
I will always remember one thing my dad said when he was diagnosed as terminally ill that later gave me strength when I was diagnosed, "If I have one day, one week, one month or one year to live, I want to enjoy it with my family and friends." That's how I try to live because none of us have any guarantees for tomorrow. Live, laugh and love today for you are alive and beautiful! With peace and love, I am praying for your physical & emotional heath.
Hi Sarah Jane, You see, you really are in my thoughts because I wanted to add something else. lol ... From my experiences and those of others, I have learned that sometimes the most amazing help and support come from the most unexpected people/places. Sometimes the people we expect to be there for us just can't for reasons of their own. Many people really are not able or prepared to deal with cancer or other serious illnesses/issues. It can really be hurtful to have close friends or family members not be able to be supportive. I have come to realize that is their shortcoming not mine. It is hard to accept, but with love and compassion for them, we can do it. Ironic that we end up learning to show compassion to the healthy ones, eh? All my best, Laura
Sarah,
You are on my list of those I pray for. I can only imagine the barrage of thoughts that must be present in your mind daily. Praying for peace in that respect. Also, I too cannot believe the outpouring of friendship and support that has been available through this 365 project. It is awesome in so many ways. You not only have access to so many talented individuals, you also have unlimited access to friends, friends who legitimately care and are willing to offer what help they can. Keep up the fight, and allow us to stand behind you in our prayers. We can be your stronghold. Lord bless you as you take this journey into your world of uncertainties.
Sarah, You will be in my daily prayers for healing and if you would tell us the time and date of your surgery I am sure that we would put some extraordinary kneel time while your surgery is going on. I believe the OR will be so filled with Angels that the doc will be knee deep in feathers! May God bless and keep you and yours in the palm of His holy hand.
Laura said everything I wanted to.
Especially about the people that will be there for you. Sometimes you'll be surprised by the ones who ARE there, just as much as you will be by the ones who aren't.
I was reminded of this the other day when speaking to Kelsey in England via SKYPE. I was having a bit of a down-feeling-sorry-for-myself day, when she just up and yelled at the screen, ENOUGH! I just can't TAKE it any more!
Well, that shut me up. But it did get me out of myself enough to realize just how many wonderful gifts I have been given in this life, including a daughter who can honestly tell me what she really thinks, and then be completely over it in the next breath.
BUT...I digress.
YOU will be uplifted in so many ways, so please take comfort wherever you can find it. I am convinced that the surgery I had 3 weeks ago ( that I was also afraid of, like you ), and the healing since, was so relatively easy thanks to the prayers and good wishes from all over the world, thanks to our wonderful 365 community, here.
I am proud of you for making the decision to go forward.
The one certainty that I've learned about cancer is it's inherent uncertainty.
SO, please don't listen to statistics and figures that might suggest a dreaded outcome. Make your OWN truth. Be strong for your children.
It will be hard, many a time in the next little while, but I can assure you that ultimately, they will be your saving grace.
Bless you Sarah....thinking of you and sending up all of the prayers, positive thoughts, and good wishes that I can muster.
And there. Did you feel that hug? ;-)
XO
I'll be thinking of you, Sarah Jane. I've really enjoyed your photos, and always appreciate your comments on mine. I can't imagine how frightening this must be, and you and your family will be on my mind. Thanks for keeping us updated.
Sarah Jane, My prayers are with you as you have your surgery. I don't know if you've heard of CaringBridge ( http://www.caringbridge.org/) or not, but it's a free website you can use to keep people updated about your surgery, health, journey. My husband set up a page for me when I had my bilateral mastectomy and posted info about my progress for me while I was recovering. Friends living far away were about to keep up with my recovery and leave me messages to read when I was able to get back online myself. Again, thinking of you and wishing you did not have to walk this path; but, if my own walk can help you or anyone in any way, then it was worth it. hugs!
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Keeping you in prayers and thoughts. Take Care....... xo Lameez
Keep us posted on your progress when time permitted.
My breast cancer was a different type than yours so I won't compare types or diagnoses. What I will tell you is to be positive for your kids and yourself. I have learned how weak & how strong both my spirit and my body are, for it was in my weakest moments that I found my greatest strength - the strength to persevere for my son.
Never give up hope. Train your brain to ignore negative people & comments. It's hard, but possible. We can't change the past or people - all we can change is ourselves. You have two beautiful children and a wonderful husband - choose to spend your time and energy with them. Live for them! Why live for people who don't deserve it? Talk with your kids about what is going on in terms they can understand and tell them that people's opinions are not important. In fact, many times people's opinions are completely wrong! What is important is that you spend time together that you enjoy - even if it's just a few precious moments here and there.
This is the time to prioritize and focus on the essentials of life and the beauty in your world. I know your heart aches for many, many reasons - the past, the present and the future. Live in the now. As my husband's aunt told me when I was diagnosed, "Now don't go out and get run over by a bus and die because you're worried about your cancer." That was very practical advice from a seasoned nurse who had seen it all.
Again, never give up hope! Amazing strides are being made in the medical field daily. Each day that you are alive is a day closer to a cure. Get your fight on and don't feel that you have to listen to people who don't understand your game face and battle. You can be polite, smile, and say I need to leave or you can say shut the *&%$ up and leave me the *&^# alone. It's your choice and your fight. My cancer past has taught me to take care of myself. I have no time for pettiness or rudeness. I try to be tactful and kind, but some people see that as weakness, so I have learned to set my boundaries and stick to them.
One thing that has helped me on low, down bad days is to have music ready. I have "happy music," healing music," "healing with attitude music," angry music," "sad music," etc. When I need a boost, I put my music on even when I really don't want to feel better and just want to wallow in sorrow. Photography has also helped me on low, down bad days. The chance to focus with a camera has helped me to focus with life. It's a good way to learn to focus on priorities. Imagine the people and things in your life as subjects for a photo - which would you keep and which would you reject?
I will always remember one thing my dad said when he was diagnosed as terminally ill that later gave me strength when I was diagnosed, "If I have one day, one week, one month or one year to live, I want to enjoy it with my family and friends." That's how I try to live because none of us have any guarantees for tomorrow. Live, laugh and love today for you are alive and beautiful! With peace and love, I am praying for your physical & emotional heath.
You are on my list of those I pray for. I can only imagine the barrage of thoughts that must be present in your mind daily. Praying for peace in that respect. Also, I too cannot believe the outpouring of friendship and support that has been available through this 365 project. It is awesome in so many ways. You not only have access to so many talented individuals, you also have unlimited access to friends, friends who legitimately care and are willing to offer what help they can. Keep up the fight, and allow us to stand behind you in our prayers. We can be your stronghold. Lord bless you as you take this journey into your world of uncertainties.
Pax Christi
Rev. Joel+
Especially about the people that will be there for you. Sometimes you'll be surprised by the ones who ARE there, just as much as you will be by the ones who aren't.
I was reminded of this the other day when speaking to Kelsey in England via SKYPE. I was having a bit of a down-feeling-sorry-for-myself day, when she just up and yelled at the screen, ENOUGH! I just can't TAKE it any more!
Well, that shut me up. But it did get me out of myself enough to realize just how many wonderful gifts I have been given in this life, including a daughter who can honestly tell me what she really thinks, and then be completely over it in the next breath.
BUT...I digress.
YOU will be uplifted in so many ways, so please take comfort wherever you can find it. I am convinced that the surgery I had 3 weeks ago ( that I was also afraid of, like you ), and the healing since, was so relatively easy thanks to the prayers and good wishes from all over the world, thanks to our wonderful 365 community, here.
I am proud of you for making the decision to go forward.
The one certainty that I've learned about cancer is it's inherent uncertainty.
SO, please don't listen to statistics and figures that might suggest a dreaded outcome. Make your OWN truth. Be strong for your children.
It will be hard, many a time in the next little while, but I can assure you that ultimately, they will be your saving grace.
Bless you Sarah....thinking of you and sending up all of the prayers, positive thoughts, and good wishes that I can muster.
And there. Did you feel that hug? ;-)
XO