it was as if the matches were giving me the finger...
there was a pack of cigarettes on my kitchen table when i got home tonight. belonged to husband. he's a casual smoker, really. buys a pack every now and then...kinda goes with the whole musician/gigging thing. he never was a pack-a-day smoker like i was.
there were two left.
i so wanted one...to feel the nicotine in my lungs and then deeply exhale in bliss.
but once you take one inhale...there's no going back. and you know it's so bad for you but you want it... it's kind of like when you've been with someone for awhile and you want to finally fuck without a condom. because, let's face, it...it just feels sooo much better that way. and then you figure...maybe you'll just entertain the tip...and before you know it...you've gone all the way. and, while it feels so exquisite (like really fucking good), you then think, shiiiit i probably shouldn't have done that.
yeah.
for the record, i didn't smoke this. but i really really wanted to. maybe more so because i know i shouldn't and can't. and also for the record...i never was into smoking marlboros. i preferred camels.
if you've never dealt with addiction or wanted something soooo badly that it aches, you may never know what this feels like.
so, matches...you giving me the finger? i'm giving you the fuck you right back.
I read this 3 times. Because it was the best and most honest description of that feeling I have ever read! I felt like I was was right there with you when you were going through that. I want one now. but like you, won't. Stay strong, sister!
Powerful message and great will (or won't) power. Haven't smoked for many years but there was time when two packs a day was the norm.
You've won the match !!
You've won the match !!
@tonydebont ha I like that. I win the match. Two packs a day? Wowza.
@peter_1966 lol thanks.