An aspect of gifts: when someone gives you a gift, they are also giving you a vision of the person they think you are. Their vision might not entirely mesh with your vision.
One Christmas when I was in my 20’s, my mother gave me a wool suit. The skirt was a soft blue, maybe a bit greyish and the jacket had the same blue, but also plenty of lavender purples and greyish green as well. I don’t remember completely, but it might have been a sort of loose plaid. It was lovely. It was grown up. It was elegant. It fit perfectly. I hated it. Is this who my mother thinks I am? An old lady who wants to dress up? I certainly wore it plenty, however. It was an era in which going to work, whether in an office or a university meant wearing skirts and nylons. I resented it but I wore it. As the years wore on, I came to love the jacket in particular and wore it all the time, sometimes with jeans and with a dark purple silk blouse. I know that some of my response was knee-jerk. My mother wanted me to act and dress like a grown-up, and I wanted that too, but I also wanted complete determination of what that might look like. My own style. My own taste. My own vision. The lugubrious blue dishes my mother bought me I sold at a yard sale where I bought a cheerful set of white dishes with a thin red line around the border. My mother never commented on the absence of those (awful) blue plates. I guess I definitely and defiantly was rejecting her gift to herself that she was a provider of essential things in my life. I never commented on my absence of enthusiasm for the grey-blue wool suit, though in families, of course, everyone knows everything, whatever is actually expressed, so I’m positive she knew I didn’t appreciate the lovingly chosen gift. I’m also sure that she was happy when she saw me wearing it later.
Styles have changed. I may have worn skirts and hose to work a total of twice during the past ten years, and one of those times was Halloween and I was dressed as a nun. Plus, since my waist has thickened a bit from the matchstick I was in my 20’s, the skirt no longer fit. At some point I gave it away, probably to Goodwill. Now I certainly wish I had kept it for the material (collecting material is a vice/pleasure of mine). The jacket had acquired a large tear on the front during a foolish incident when I tried to scale a spiked fence but wasn’t strong enough. The spike could easily have gone through my chest, so that tear was a cautionary tale and I wore the jacket that way for years. But eventually it either got too small or I lost it. In any event, it’s gone, as is my mother. She would no doubt be pleased that I try to accept gifts with an open mind, trying out other people’s ideas of who I am for size, as it were. Sometimes, as with the suit, there is a permanent expansion, new aspects of myself coming to light. The rest of the time, it’s like a bit of Carnival or Halloween, the privilege of being someone else for a short time.
That's so excellent! Love the descriptive photo... Only yesterday I was discussing my sentimentality and how I keep gifts (and use them) even if they aren't to my taste... A friend once have me a lovely porcelain rabbit, and in that instance, I did quite like it. But as happens with rabbits, people began to make them multiply... "I hope you'll like it... I see you have a rabbit collection..." That said as I received the second one! And so it went... I don't like them all, but I can't seem to break up "the collection" I never intended to have! My girls can someday have one heck of a garage sale!
i suppose growing up poor, i can say i didn't have much choice in terms of clothes. the basic collared blouse, the straight cut skirt. when i started to work and could afford to buy my clothes, somehow i got stuck to the basic style. i suppose because it was easier to have made or purchased but because the clothes would last for quite a few years as i never really tended to follow what was in vogue. also my training and upbringing was such that there's a different type of clothes to wear to school (uniforms), to office (suits and simple cut dresses), to church (nothing ostentatious), to parties (i tend to mind the occasion) and to grocery shopping (casual). the only time i followed fashion was when annie hall was the rage and i had yards of fabric sewn by a neighbour seamstress, but that only lasted a year and the clothes were the repaired to look more basic and timeless. i rarely ever receive any gifts and if i receive something i have no use for, they just go on the "wait for the right time to dispose of" or "regift" piles. having family still back in the old country, the piles had been renamed "for the box".
very nice narrative to accompany your refracted image and certainly makes one think. aces!
You have a great refraction and I loved your reflections. But I'm left wondering who gave you the cutlery? I like how you expressed the sometimes uncomfortable acceptance that other people's views of who you are - as expressed in a gift - can be so wrong. Everytime I have moved onto a different job, I have been given gifts that had been carefully chosen but were so NOT me, that I was left wondering how much of myself I expressed at work.
very nice narrative to accompany your refracted image and certainly makes one think. aces!