Thank you so much for all of your kind comments and support. It means a lot and is powering me on! Also loving the responses to my 'how old are you discussion', I'm going to head over there shortly! I've also been super surprised by the response to yesterday's blog, it's had a much bigger response than normal despite me feeling like it was rubbish!
I'm so tired :')
My head has been a plonker today. I made it to town and got my bike tyres pumped up which makes my bike much faster (they do it for free and their pump is better than mine). Also got my eyebrows threaded - it always makes me feel better about myself but I struggle to allow myself to do it because it's a 'self care' thing (especially when I'm off work).
I came back and was struggling but successfully distracted myself by doing some button art for about 3 hours. I'm not 100% happy with the result but I'm hoping my friend will like it because it's for her birthday.
Then this evening I had a GP appointment and was there for an hour. She sat with me and just went through everything and gave me so much time. The community mental health team are not really in either of our good books... they've passed some stuff back to her that they should maybe be doing, and she's not impressed with their talks of discharging me. She went through my art journal with me, and looked at some of my button art and these photos. We had a long chat about reasons to live and realised I don't really have any I'm just trying to stay alive until bedtime. She agreed it's tricky that my head keeps telling me to die when they're all trying to keep me alive. We went through some eating stuff, and had a chat about friendships and how hard that is at the moment when I can't travel far and when my brain is broken. Also, my vitamin D levels are worse than low, they're in the lowest band it's possiblie to be... so she's prescribed some vit d tablets (I was already meant to be on them, but they were vit d/calcium ones and chewable and blergh so these are just vit d to see if I'm any more successful with these). I can also take my sleeping tablets again - hallelujah! (CMHT told me I couldn't take them with my new meds but turns out I can). We also discussed the fact that my skin has decided to react to everything (literally everything), and I can definitely take the things the chemist gave me so that's good!
Lovely, alive until bed time, alive until bed time, another shot, another journal, another art piece, strangers from afar hold you until you stay alive until bedtime every day, you are held.
Naomi, so agree with those chewable calcium/vit D disgusting. My pharmacist knew I wasnt taking enough so suggested change to Adcal-D3 Caplets - made by ProStrakan. Two tablets, twice a day, must protect yourself from osteoporosis - trust me!
Anyway, photo, love it - i have hundreds of buttons that were in my mums sewing table and I love to rummage through them. Yours are all similar colours which really is eye catching x
Fabulous shot! I actually have a bit of a phobia about buttons (don't ask, I don't know why) but I am OK looking at your photo. I read your profile (after you asked me how old I am!) and now reading your commentary here I can only say hang in there, do each day, do each minute. (I have some understanding of where you are as I have had bipolar disorder since I was 19 and after, at last, I found out what it was called 30+ years later, have worked hard to keep well.) Take care.
Great photo and hope everything improves. I actually like the chewable Vitamin D - I used to take the Vitamin D and Calcium but realised I don't need Calcium so now I take the chewable Vitamin D which also has Vitamins B6 and B12 - it is the children's gummies I take.
@hellie Thank you so much for this @illumaneight it's one of my favourite shades, too! @alophoto They're all from Hobbycraft and super cheap but I love them! @joemuli thank you - so pleased to inspire you! @suklassen she's honestly doing a great job of dragging me through life at the moment @fayefaye thank you :) @slash thank you, some days inspiration is easier than others! @pixiemac oh I'll have to look those up depending on how these go, thank you! And yes I love running my hands through the buttons @quietpurplehaze thank you so much, I'm sorry to hear you've experienced mental illness too, it's not nice at all, but it's good that you're keeping well now @la_photographic I'm definitely going to go on a hunt for them next time I'm in Asda! @craftymeg thank you :) @ziggy77 thank you :) @pyrrhula thank you - sometimes the simplest ones are the best ones :)
Naomi - thank you for taking the trouble to reply to my comment and thank you, yes, I had a good day. I'm fine now that I know how to live to keep well. Now I'm hoping that your day today, Friday, will be a good day. I feel you have a lot of courage.
@stray_shooter Thank you, I want to post a picture but keep doing them as presents so I can't! Maybe one day I will make one for myself @stephanies Thank you :) @kkp Thank you - they're gorgeous aren't they?! Only cheap buttons too! @quietpurplehaze Thank you, your story is one of hope :)
It certainly is a story of hope, Naomi and I have hope for you too. I was a bit 'miffed' to find my diagnosis of bipolar 30+ years after my first hospitalized episode. But one way I looked at it was that if I had known sooner I wouldn't have taken up a career in my 40s supporting dyslexic students. It gave me hope and confidence doing the teaching and the training and one professor at the university where I worked told me I taught 'with great talent' I did have more hospitalised breakdowns doing the work and lost it eventually because of that. But here I am enjoying photography and leading a good life having found out my personal way to live. Bon courage!
Anyway, photo, love it - i have hundreds of buttons that were in my mums sewing table and I love to rummage through them. Yours are all similar colours which really is eye catching x
hang on in there.
@illumaneight it's one of my favourite shades, too!
@alophoto They're all from Hobbycraft and super cheap but I love them!
@joemuli thank you - so pleased to inspire you!
@suklassen she's honestly doing a great job of dragging me through life at the moment
@fayefaye thank you :)
@slash thank you, some days inspiration is easier than others!
@pixiemac oh I'll have to look those up depending on how these go, thank you! And yes I love running my hands through the buttons
@quietpurplehaze thank you so much, I'm sorry to hear you've experienced mental illness too, it's not nice at all, but it's good that you're keeping well now
@la_photographic I'm definitely going to go on a hunt for them next time I'm in Asda!
@craftymeg thank you :)
@ziggy77 thank you :)
@pyrrhula thank you - sometimes the simplest ones are the best ones :)
Naomi - thank you for taking the trouble to reply to my comment and thank you, yes, I had a good day. I'm fine now that I know how to live to keep well. Now I'm hoping that your day today, Friday, will be a good day. I feel you have a lot of courage.
@stephanies Thank you :)
@kkp Thank you - they're gorgeous aren't they?! Only cheap buttons too!
@quietpurplehaze Thank you, your story is one of hope :)
It certainly is a story of hope, Naomi and I have hope for you too. I was a bit 'miffed' to find my diagnosis of bipolar 30+ years after my first hospitalized episode. But one way I looked at it was that if I had known sooner I wouldn't have taken up a career in my 40s supporting dyslexic students. It gave me hope and confidence doing the teaching and the training and one professor at the university where I worked told me I taught 'with great talent' I did have more hospitalised breakdowns doing the work and lost it eventually because of that. But here I am enjoying photography and leading a good life having found out my personal way to live. Bon courage!
@quietpurplehaze Thank you so much, for sharing so much. Life has a funny old way of working out.