I wish I could just think but everything just closes down. It all just stops. Nothing can get in or out. I want to be able to make good decisions. I want to fix it. I gt so sad and so stuck and so frustrated. My brain gets so full. My words all get jumbled up and I can't make sense of them which makes speaking and communicating feel impossible. I feel like a lot of my energy goes into trying to appear normal(sih) and human in the here and now (even though sometimes I feel distant and far away). I need lots of quiet and alone time to recover from it all. I wish I could break away from all od this but the whole world gets noisy and I feel unable to cope. Things happen and they should be things that wake me up but they only seem to push me further into this mess. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.
