We only lose those who we do not remember. by seanoneill

We only lose those who we do not remember.

I know many on 365 have experienced loss and suffering this year. My heart goes out to you all, because I know how you feel.

Today is the 4th anniversary of the death of my sister in law, Victoria. This is her headstone in Hathern Cemetery. The inscription is German and translates as the title for this email. Victoria lived in Germany for many years, and the pink granite is from Bavaria.

She was taken from us at the age of 39, leaving her 2 sons Matthew and Jonathan, Andy, her husband, John and Rosemary, her parents, Rebecca, her sister, nephews and nieces, friends and broader family. Today, four years on, we all still grieve.

Our loss has no redeeming features. I see the heartache and pain that my family are still suffering and it is heart breaking along with my own personal grief.

Though I think of you every day Victoria, it is no substitute for walking in your front door, and hearing you say "Hiya mate, cup of tea?" and getting a hug from you.

I love and miss you mate. x

So sorry for your loss. I lost my dad three years ago and still have those moments when I'm caught off guard and find tears suddenly swelling in my eyes. Thirty-nine is much too young and no child should have to grow up without a mother. The inscription is beautiful and so true.
August 30th, 2012  
So sorry for your loss, Sean. I can tell from your words how much she was loved.
August 30th, 2012  
Not a day goes by that I don't miss my mom...so I totally understand...blessings to all of you.
August 30th, 2012  
so understand....but how wonderful are the marvellous memories.............hang on to those, i have lost a lot...........
August 30th, 2012  
Felling for you Sean today. My first husband died at 33 leaving me with a 7 and 4 year old, I know how grief hurts. Only time will gradually soften that, but it is a slow process. An inscription I saw on a headstone recently was titled ..'to live on in the hearts of those we leave behind is not to die' ..... I find that a comforting thought.
August 30th, 2012  
@lisjam1 Thank you Lisa, my day has been full of normality and private tears. Your words are kind and comforting, and for that, I am grateful.
August 30th, 2012  
@shamrockinmom Thank you Sherry, to know that my family is in others thoughts, including yours, provides comfort. Please accept my thoughts and wishes too.
August 30th, 2012  
@fannyb I had no idea Fanny, that is saddening. Take care, and thank you for your kindness and wisdom. It is special and means so much to me, especially today.
August 30th, 2012  
@jackie8 Oh Jackie, that is so sad. Thank you for reaching out with your words and personal experiences. It is comforting to know from your other posts that you have rebuilt your life. I am very grateful for your empathy and touched by your words.
August 30th, 2012  
Lyn
Sean, what a beautiful tribute. . .I just welled up over your words and can only express my heartfelt empathy for your loss. Please know that I carry a little piece of you in my heart always!
August 30th, 2012  
@lyno Thank you Lyn. I will cherish your words. You are a beautiful person to find the grace to say that.
August 30th, 2012  
Aww Sean, My heart goes out to you, Loss is such a devastating thing leaving a void in our lives, This is such a touching tribute to someone so close to your heart....and that is where she will always be, etched on her loved ones hearts! X
August 30th, 2012  
@annbo Thank you Ann. Yes you are right. Our love for Victoria will never diminish, and she will never grow old. I am grateful for the time you have taken to post and for your touching sentiments.
August 30th, 2012  
Thinking of you. What a lovely tribute your words and photo make!!
August 30th, 2012  
I am so very sorry Sean.
I think that there are losses that we never really get over - and the loss of someone so very young is so much more difficult than the ones that have lived to the fullness of year.
Hugs to you and to all of the ones that are keeping Victoria close in their hearts.
August 31st, 2012  
I remember a shot a few months back in her memory. I hope today isn't too hard on you.
August 31st, 2012  
So sorry for your loss-it doesn't get any easier-take care
August 31st, 2012  
I'm sorry for your loss Sean. I can feel from your words how much you miss your sister.
August 31st, 2012  
Sorry for your loss Sean, it never gets any easier does it.
August 31st, 2012  
My heart goes out to you. It's hard. Time doesn't heal anything. It only makes us forgetful but, when we remember, the pain's still there. This is a beautiful tribute, Sean.
August 31st, 2012  
@kwind Thank you. I take some comfort from your words.
August 31st, 2012  
@cdonohoue Thank you Cathy, you ar eright. Your life becomes defined as before and after, and you change as a person. The highs in life are never as high again,and the lows will never be as low. Thank you for your warmth, it means so much to all of us. I think that you have had your share of ups and downs too, so thank you for understanding.
August 31st, 2012  
@ozziehoffy Thanks for remembering Cassandra, yes I posted on Victoria's birthday as well on February 4th. We had a nice meal at our house with Rebecca and Victoria's parents, and had Victoria's favourite as a child. We had a chat about family things, and yes, it helped. It is the quiet moments of contemplation for me, that is when it gets me.
August 31st, 2012  
@pennymilner You are so right Penny. I don't think we will ever get over the loss of Victoria. Thank you for your wishes. They are well received.
August 31st, 2012  
@zuzana Thank you for seeing that and expressing it Zuzana. I miss Victoria terribly and am heartbroken by it, and seeing the pain in my family. Your perception means so much.
August 31st, 2012  
@sjodell Thank you Sarah, no, it doesn't. The nature of it changes as the rawness changes into an ache, but it doesn't get easier. There is always someone missing. I am grateful that you have taken the time to comment Sarah, thank you.
August 31st, 2012  
@myautofocuslife Thank you Livia. I know how you struggle at times, so for you to have taken time to express your sentiments to support me and my family, is both generous in heart and compassionate of you. Your words express perfectly how it is for all of us. Thank you.
August 31st, 2012  
Beautifully written. Hearts are sometimes torn apart with grief. It sounds like you are all there for each other. Time does help heal it does not heal.
August 31st, 2012  
@tesssa Thank you Tessa. We are a very close family, all struggling to come to terms with our loss, but focusing on our own children helps enormously.
August 31st, 2012  
A lovely and touching tribute, Sean. Another good person has left us way too soon. :( Hugs to you and your family.
August 31st, 2012  
I feel so sorry for your loss, remember her, talk about her is the best way to say how much you loved her, and that she'll be still there, in your heart.
I've lost very young people in my family, I miss them so much, but on the other side they are not just a part of my past, knowing them help to build myself so there are still with me, always..
August 31st, 2012  
@reva Thank you Reva, your comments are greatly appreciated.
August 31st, 2012  
@cocobella I am very sorry to hear that you have suffered loss too Corinne. I understand how you feel, how much you miss them. Victoria will live in our hearts forever. Thank you for taking the time to express your sorrow, it is very kind of you, and we very much appreciatre it.
August 31st, 2012  
Gosh so sorry to read this story - it gave me a wee shiver, full of emotion. Thank you for sharing. This shot is a fitting tribute to Victoria x
August 31st, 2012  
@megsy Thank you Megsy. I know that you are up to your eyes in exams, so I appreciate you taking time to comment on my post. it means a lot to me. Thank you. x
August 31st, 2012  
sorry to hear of this - it's so difficult to live with - sorry I've not been around, no laptop until I sourced a new cable
September 1st, 2012  
This is a lovely tribute - such a sad story. My heart feels for you....
September 1st, 2012  
@shannew Thanks Shanne, I think you sum it up perfectly. I'm glad you are back.
September 1st, 2012  
@jillmstruss Thank you Jill, your compassion is very gratefully received.
September 1st, 2012  
I too have loved ones who I wish would barge thru that door for a visit who we lost all too young... virtual hugs to you and your family
September 1st, 2012  
So sorry Sean. I lost my mom a few years ago, but sometimes it can feel just like yesterday. My thoughts are with you and your family.
September 3rd, 2012  
you have done it again x
October 2nd, 2012  
October 2nd, 2012  
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