Understanding Divorce And Unhappy Children A Little More

As i get older a fascinating thing is seeing people I know and people my age getting married. It has really shown how naive I am when it comes to marriage. I always figured that you get married when you find that one person that you feel passion for everyday and want to spend the rest of your life with. That marrying any other person would just be a punishment. Dooming yourself to a life of unhappiness, regret, and without love.

However, I've started to see that marriage is something you do when give up on life and just want to conform to what everybody expects you to do. I must admit that whenever a guy tells me he is getting married, I think of a former student of mine. A 33 year old gentleman who was marrying a woman he had know for only six months, but since they lived in different cities they had only been physically next to each other for less than ten days. The reason he told me he was getting married is because he was just too tired of getting to know new people. Since then i've heard similar stories. it's never been "oh i love this person endlessly" it's always been "i'm giving up."

Perhaps more disturbing, I've learned that marriage is something that happens when women want to have a baby. I have a large number of friends who once they decided they want a baby, they have also decided to marry whoever their next bf is. It seems like every few weeks somebody is getting married after dating for only two months. I can ask them a lot of questions about the guy and why they love him, but the answer is always "i don't know." so why get married? "I want a baby"

This answer always makes me shudder. Having taught children here and listening to how unhappy their lives are, mainly because of how poorly their parents get a long, it seems like this is just a perpetual thing. That people are getting married just to have kids, but the couple are not suitable for a life together, and both them and the children suffer.

Actually Taiwan is a good example of why "staying together for the sake of the children" is not a good idea. As divorce is still not so widely accepted, many unhappy couples will still live together but in separate rooms. they think this saves face and also is good for the children, but having many friends who grew up in this kind of household, they would all tell you that it was a horrible childhood having to live in a home where their parents are arguing all the time.

Perhaps the one interesting thing about all this though, is discovering that tv really isn't that far off. Almost every tv show has some hot wife with some ugly guy. I used to scoff at how unrealistic this is, until i started to see it in real life. It seems like those beautiful women who want a baby and to get married as soon as possible, are all marrying unattractive guys. Granted i'm always a serious advocate of how somebody's inside is much more important than their outside. When I walk down the street and see a guy with a less attractive woman, i am more jealous than when i see a guy with an attractive woman. Because i figure it must mean that lady is a really amazing person. So perhaps these less attractive guys they are marrying are truly great people. But it is still surprising to see the difference in "hotness" between these married couples. And as I have yet to meet any man who has outright said to me "i want children" i'm assuming that they use these women's desire to have a baby soon, as a way to lock down and marry a much more attractive wife. Clever guys. Doomed, but clever.