After he had journeyed,
And his feet were sore,
And he was tired,
He came upon an orange grove
And he rested
And he lay in the cool,
And while he rested, he took to himself an orange and tasted it,
And it was good.
And he felt the earth to his spine,
And he asked, and he saw the tree above him, and the stars,
And the veins in the leaf,
And the light, and the balance.
And he saw magnificent perfection,
Whereon he thought of himself in balance,
And he knew he was. ~ Graeme Edge / Ray Thomas
As I was walking I came upon this tree and I liked how the veins of the leaves stood out. It made me think of the words to this Moody Blues song which I interpret as someone seeing the perfection of creation as well as the shortcomings of man.
@danette - I had the opportunity to see them in concert a few years ago. My daughter bought me tickets for my birthday. Of course all of the originals weren't there only three. Graeme Edge, John Lodge and Justin Haywood. They had two female musicians filling in. I have seen a You Tube video of a concert where Ray Thomas was there as well.
@amrita21 - Thank you Amrita for your inquiry. Basically it is because of my son-in-law's death. More things have fallen on my shoulders in trying to do things for my daughter and granddaughter that I haven't had to do in the past. Plus the things I normally need to do around my own house have really eaten up a lot of my time since the arrival of Fall. I remember you relating about your brother's death and how it affected your life so I believe you have some understanding of what we are experiencing now. But this is different in some ways since my daughter lost her husband, best friend and provider, my wife and I have been spending a lot more time with her then before. On top of that, I have lost the desire, to some degree, to be out taking pictures. Hopefully I will get the urge back. I have ordered Lightroom and have been thinking about going through some of my old photographs and trying to post process them to see if I can make them better quality photographs. With the snow season upon us, I may venture out and try to capture some winter scenes. I am very appreciative of your concern!
Thank you again!
Skip
i! I was wondering where you were and came to check on you...I see I am not the only one missing your shots. sorry about what you are going through. I am sure you are a great comfort to your daughter!
Yes Skip, i do understand and relate. I became mother to two more kids and to be there for my parents as I lost my brother and sister in law. There is a lot for you yo handle physically as well as emotionally. Take care and I pray you find within yourself the strength... taking pictures may help, a bit of relaxation. Take your time.
Regards
@vickisfotos - Thank you so much Vicki! It's been an emotional seesaw particularly for my daughter. My granddaughter is young (5) so she is dealing with it in different ways. But as the weeks pass we see more of her missing her daddy. It is somewhat surprising to learn how much more you have to deal with that you never considered. For instance, all those well meaning people that came around or sent cards that offered, "If there is anything we can do" all seem to have gone back to their normal lives. I believe Americans, who seem to appreciate life more then other cultures, expect live to be back to normal in two to four weeks. It is also amazing to learn how many things can trigger a memory of the one you lost. It has been and will be especially hard in these later months of the year because their were married and their daughter was born in Sept., his birthday and Thanksgiving is in Nov., and Christmas is just around the corner. Right now we are "seeing through a glass darkly"; but one day, "face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." 1 Corinthians 13:12
I am grateful for your concern! Thank you!
my husbands best friend was killed in an accident 3 years ago...we were friends as couples and have tried to continue on with his wife...going out to dinner, doing things we would have done with him still here...3 years and she is still grieving. There is no set timeline on when you are 'over' it, I don't think that is even an option. Moving forward, but not over...healed but the scar remains. As a Christian we have the hope of the future, but even Christians hurt when somebody moves on. Hang in there, it is a tough season to go through when you are hurting.
@vickisfotos - My wife read Beth Chapman's, Steven Curtis Chapman's wife, book about the tragedy they went through when their son accidentally back over their daughter with the car. She said that the second year of grieving was even harder on her then the first. My daughter is going through GriefShare through her church which helps to some degree, but it will take time. I guess what surprises me most is how many people I know that I know have experienced the death of someone close to them who don't seem to understand what you are experiencing and say or do some very questionable things to you. Thank you for your understanding! We know this can take a lot of time for various reasons. My daughter very much believes that she will see her husband one day, but people, even some Christians, don't seem to grasp what God said in Genesis 2:24 when He said to Adam, "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh", that losing your mate is like losing a part of you!
My sister's husband died years ago when she had only been married a couple of years. She went through a grief class at church also. It was a tough class, but helped her immensely. She has been able to use what she went through for good in so many people's lives since his death. I can not believe how many of her very own friends have gone through loss of a husband or child since her own loss. She always recommends the class and spends time with them regularly. But she has said that she NEVER wants to hear THAT is the reason God has allowed this in her life. She never wants to know that Craig died so that she could use his death to help others through it. And just for the record...she met an awesome man, (not from the class) who had lost his brother in an accident, he knew about her husband's death and just became her friend...well, a couple of years later they married (which she said she would never do again) and she is very happy and at peace.
@vickisfotos - People can be so cruel by their words sometimes. Within less then a week of my son-in-laws death, a very good friend of mine, from my church, told me that he was looking for a new husband for my daughter. I said to him straight out, Bob, don't even go there! I asked another man that Bob has a long relationship with, to talk to Bob and tell him to back off. She just lost her husband. It's not like her car quit running and she needs to replace it. Absolutely God would never allow a spouse or child to be taken so that you can minister to others! I do believe, however, that when we go through a traumatic event such as that, that once we work our way through the grieving process, that God would want us to help others that we meet who might be going through the same kind of situation that we had. I once read an article in Decision, Billy Graham's ministry magazine called, "God's Coincidences." It was about a particular crusade where many volunteers who counsel those who go forward ended up being paired with people who were going through the same kind of situation in their life that the counselors had gone through at some time.
There are two women in my daughter's church that lost their husbands at a young age who have befriended my daughter. Their understanding has help tremendously! To be honest, I have felt for a long time that my son-in-law didn't give my daughter as much of his attention as she gave him hers. My daughter has said she doesn't think she can remarry. I'd like to think that there might be a strong devoted Christian man who would treat her in a more loving way then she has experienced could come along. Though I have never said that to her. It is all in God's hands as to what the future holds.
I think that is wonderful that your sister has found someone who she has fallen in love with and who is making her happy!
he probably meant well, but it was very poor timing for him to say that. I have found that even though I want to say the right thing...the best thing is to say nothing, just pat, hug, sit...just being beside my friend and also my sister was all that was really needed. My friend told me later that it was a relief not to have to respond in any way to what I had said...since i had not said anything...she knew by my presence what words could not say.
it is way to early for anyone to think of 'replacing' her husband. If and when it happens, it has to be in her own timing. When my sister actually realized that she was feeling something more than gratitude and friendship to the man she ended up marrying, she was so surprised...and then she had to deal with the feelings of guilt for allowing it to happen. She fought it for a while and then gave in, realizing that it was OK to find a new happiness with somebody else and it did not diminish her love for the first husband. She didn't have children and that will be an additional consideration for your daughter. But as you and I both know...it will all be in God's timing if and when In the meantime I really will pray for her to grieve him fully and heal at the same time to be the support her daughter needs to get through this too. I know as a parent your grief for your son-in-law is hard, but the worst part is seeing your child suffer. I understand you seeing a possible lack on his part in his attention to her...believe me, I have three kids, if only we could be in charge of their choice of partners, huh?
@vickisfotos - Very well said Vicki! I agree with you 100%. There is so much more to the story, which from your writings I believe you understand all to well. Most everything I have heard or read has said that we should set the example for our children in what to look for in a mate by the example we set with for our children by how we interact with our spouse. Which my wife and I tried to do, and yet both of our daughters chose men that set off my alert senses. My youngest daughter, when she graduated, went to a technical school, but ended up getting good jobs in areas other than what she went to school for. But then she told us that all she wanted to be was a mother. We told her that there was nothing wrong with that at all! I believe her life's goal was to find a good man who she could love and be loved in return. But what a lot of young people don't do is look at the parents of those who they are dating or interested in and see how they interact with each other. Both of my daughter's husbands have turned out to be very much like their parents. I know that isn't 100% guarantee, but the odds are high that it will turn out that way. Because that is the example they have grown up with. You've got me pegged! The hardest part of this, is seeing my daughter hurting! When she was young and she fell and scraped her knee I could kiss it and make it all better. If only that worked for this!
a few weeks back, my daughter-in-law was all upset because of the first big owie for my grandson...she asked me HOW had I managed it with two boys and a girl...especially since her husband had been the most accident prone of all 3. I told her that little by little you get used to it...and lean which ones are serious. And those little physical hurts are not anything as bad as helping them through the heart breaks. It is a sort of preparation for what is to come. Well, just last week they got the news that their second adoption from Korea is most likely not going to go through. She was adopted through the Holt agency and so they decided to not have their own children but to adopt and give other babies the same chances in life that she has had. They already adopted a boy who will be 4 in Feb. 2 years ago they began the process to get another child, a year ago they were given the happy news that they had been place with a little girl. They named her, sent her gifts, food, clothes...for a whole year. Waiting and waiting for the Korean government to release her. Last week they were told that their little girl was going to be placed in an orphanage as 'unadoptable' because her natural father will not admit it is his and sign the paperwork to release her!!!! It is heartbreaking to watch their sadness through this. And my daughter-in-law told me that now she sees what I meant about the little physical aches preparing you for the big heartaches...only time and hugs can help heal them. ( I know...nothing as serious as a death as you are going through.)
My youngest, a daughter...went into nursing. Part of her training included a 6 month study of Spanish in Guatemala. While there, she met a guy from England. They fell in love. His parents and us also warned them about romance abroad...how it could not be trusted. But they rushed into marriage a year later...5 years later...he just up and went back to England!!! Nobody saw it coming. His only words were. "I was too young" She was devastated. Left here and went to the Dominican Republic to serve as a nurse/missionary for Kids Alive. She lived there 4 years and would you believe it? She got married there!! So much for leaning from past advice...huh? They now live here and are doing Ok, but once again, she has the extra stress of marriage added with cultural differences. Thankfully he is a more committed Christian man than the first husband and is more committed to making things work out in a Christian marriage.
Both of my boys seem to have picked mates that have adjusted well. But somehow, my daughter is the one who struggles...but maybe that is what my son's wives parents say too,??? who knows.
I do know that our children may not seem to notice, but they DO! They know what we do and I know that your daughter will come through this and be that much more closer to you and your wife than ever. Your love for her is so evident in just these few notes back and forth to me...there is no way that she will not grow and heal and flourish again...in time.
@vickisfotos - What a small world! A young couple from our church have adopted a boy and a girl from Korea. They thought they were finished, but last year they were contacted by the agency they went through informing them that there is a young boy available for adoption. After talking and praying about it they decided to adopt again. The problem now is that the government of South Korea has changed the rules for adopting. Some government officials have raised the question as to why so many of their children are being sent to other nations? From what I understand the terrible economy isn't affecting South Korea as much so they feel that they can adequately take care of their own. The adoption is progressing, but at a snail's pace. Now the Korean government is requiring that both adopting parents must fly to Korea and spend at least a week there, which of course has a big price tag in addition to the cost of the adoption.
Another young family that we know have been trying to adopt in the US. They we told about a single mother who was due. They hired a lawyer to represent them and everything was progressing nicely. The adoptive mother flew to the city to be there for the birth of "her" daughter. She met with the mother and her aunt. I guess the aunt started asking for more money and the lawyer told her she was bordering on child selling. The aunt said was only thinking about the mother being taken care of in the future, but she backed off. Then a man claiming to possibly being the father showed up and said that he refused to sign the adoption paper. The mother is a know drug user and of course there is concern that the baby could be affected by the mother's drug use. After the baby was born they took her in to the mother, which I have heard that wasn't allowed. At the last minute the mother changed her mind so the adoptive mother had to fly back home without the little girl that is looked as though was going to be hers. It was a heartrending time for that family.
One thing I have heard about daughters was that they look for a man who reminds them of their father. I don't know if I like that considering who my daughters chose to marry.
Both of my son-in-laws talked a good talk, but as time passed to started seeing tell tale signs that caused some raised eyebrows.
There is a family who goes to our church. When my wife and I were youth leaders we had two of their three children. The oldest, a girl, was a devout Christian for a teenager. I was told that she stood up to her science teacher when he was pushing evolution in his class. When she graduated from high school she went to a liberal school and her thinking changed. She married a man from South Africa and her belief in the Bible has changed. She now believes that there is more then one way to get to heaven. Her and her husband has very little if any association with a Christian church. That is troubling! Why are so many young people that have been raised in a Christian home going off to college and having their belief system turned upside down? What are these liberal professors teaching that is causing student to turn their backs on the things their parents have taught them for 18 years?
exactly right about the Korean gov. Last baby they flew over and were back in about a week. This time they require that the adoptive parents go to court, then the birth parents are contacted and given two weeks for one more chance to keep the baby. Then they have to wait around while the final papers are filed. They were told that it would be about a month that they would stay...either that or fly home after the court appearance and then fly back. For them they are both able to work away from their work. He is a doctor of psychology, is high up in the Center for Autism and Related Disorders, based in California. She works there as a historian. So their plans are to go and wait it out and probably break even on the airfare. My husband and I are planning on going to help out with our grandson while they are busy with their new baby. We are just praying that the birth father is found....he has disappeared at the moment...my son has hired a private detective to find him. Then praying for him to have a change of heart and sign the paper releasing her. There is a chance still...but it will be a miracle. I know God is able....just waiting to see what happens. It sounds like your young couple is going through the Holt agency as well. They also have a thing where they will contact the adoptive family if a natural sibling comes along for the child they have adopted already.
My three kids all chose Christian colleges...I feel that helped keep them focused on the teaching they had already been taught. College age is such a critical time for kids to change their options.
Just thought I should come back here and update you on the adoption. Well, they had to make the decision to let their little girl go. Oh so sad. They were crushed. But the longer they held on to her, the harder her chances for local adoption would be as she is 2 years old now. The younger the better for adoption. Well, the Holt agency told them they would be first on the list for the next available baby. They were given the choice of boy or girl. As much as they wanted to say girl, they said either one. They knew that if it had been a miscarriage, they would take whatever God gave them for the next baby so they decided to leave it in God's hands with the adoption and take either one. It is so amazing to see that kind of maturity in your child (yes, adult now lol) A couple of weeks later they were given then news they were getting a boy. They were a tiny bit disappointed, but once they heard the story of this little boy, they knew THIS was God's plan for them. At the same time that they were going through their heartbreak about losing Hannah...another family here in the states had something tragic happen...they were not told details, but it was alluded to that one of the adoptive parents had died!!! This little boy was in the final stage to leave as was their little Hannah. He needed a family asap. as the same hold true for him that the longer time goes by the harder it will be to place him. And being that he is a boy, it would make it even harder to place him. (Girls are more adoptable in Korea.) They knew that God wanted them to be the parents to this little boy that he so desperately needed. They named him Daniel. He is being called Ye-Bin right now, so that will be his middle name. The photos of him are beautiful and suddenly he has become ours as much as the other kids have. So because my son was in the final stages, their paperwork is completed and the same holds true for Daniel...all they have to do is change the family he is going to and it is headed to the court and we will be headed over to pick him up!! Instead of the year long wait that we had for Hannah, this time that wait is over and all we need to do is wait a month or two more. I just wanted to let you know and as soon as we have him in our arms, I will post a photo here on 365!
January 17th, 2014
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Thank you again!
Skip
Regards
I am grateful for your concern! Thank you!
There are two women in my daughter's church that lost their husbands at a young age who have befriended my daughter. Their understanding has help tremendously! To be honest, I have felt for a long time that my son-in-law didn't give my daughter as much of his attention as she gave him hers. My daughter has said she doesn't think she can remarry. I'd like to think that there might be a strong devoted Christian man who would treat her in a more loving way then she has experienced could come along. Though I have never said that to her. It is all in God's hands as to what the future holds.
I think that is wonderful that your sister has found someone who she has fallen in love with and who is making her happy!
it is way to early for anyone to think of 'replacing' her husband. If and when it happens, it has to be in her own timing. When my sister actually realized that she was feeling something more than gratitude and friendship to the man she ended up marrying, she was so surprised...and then she had to deal with the feelings of guilt for allowing it to happen. She fought it for a while and then gave in, realizing that it was OK to find a new happiness with somebody else and it did not diminish her love for the first husband. She didn't have children and that will be an additional consideration for your daughter. But as you and I both know...it will all be in God's timing if and when In the meantime I really will pray for her to grieve him fully and heal at the same time to be the support her daughter needs to get through this too. I know as a parent your grief for your son-in-law is hard, but the worst part is seeing your child suffer. I understand you seeing a possible lack on his part in his attention to her...believe me, I have three kids, if only we could be in charge of their choice of partners, huh?
My youngest, a daughter...went into nursing. Part of her training included a 6 month study of Spanish in Guatemala. While there, she met a guy from England. They fell in love. His parents and us also warned them about romance abroad...how it could not be trusted. But they rushed into marriage a year later...5 years later...he just up and went back to England!!! Nobody saw it coming. His only words were. "I was too young" She was devastated. Left here and went to the Dominican Republic to serve as a nurse/missionary for Kids Alive. She lived there 4 years and would you believe it? She got married there!! So much for leaning from past advice...huh? They now live here and are doing Ok, but once again, she has the extra stress of marriage added with cultural differences. Thankfully he is a more committed Christian man than the first husband and is more committed to making things work out in a Christian marriage.
Both of my boys seem to have picked mates that have adjusted well. But somehow, my daughter is the one who struggles...but maybe that is what my son's wives parents say too,??? who knows.
I do know that our children may not seem to notice, but they DO! They know what we do and I know that your daughter will come through this and be that much more closer to you and your wife than ever. Your love for her is so evident in just these few notes back and forth to me...there is no way that she will not grow and heal and flourish again...in time.
Another young family that we know have been trying to adopt in the US. They we told about a single mother who was due. They hired a lawyer to represent them and everything was progressing nicely. The adoptive mother flew to the city to be there for the birth of "her" daughter. She met with the mother and her aunt. I guess the aunt started asking for more money and the lawyer told her she was bordering on child selling. The aunt said was only thinking about the mother being taken care of in the future, but she backed off. Then a man claiming to possibly being the father showed up and said that he refused to sign the adoption paper. The mother is a know drug user and of course there is concern that the baby could be affected by the mother's drug use. After the baby was born they took her in to the mother, which I have heard that wasn't allowed. At the last minute the mother changed her mind so the adoptive mother had to fly back home without the little girl that is looked as though was going to be hers. It was a heartrending time for that family.
One thing I have heard about daughters was that they look for a man who reminds them of their father. I don't know if I like that considering who my daughters chose to marry.
Both of my son-in-laws talked a good talk, but as time passed to started seeing tell tale signs that caused some raised eyebrows.
There is a family who goes to our church. When my wife and I were youth leaders we had two of their three children. The oldest, a girl, was a devout Christian for a teenager. I was told that she stood up to her science teacher when he was pushing evolution in his class. When she graduated from high school she went to a liberal school and her thinking changed. She married a man from South Africa and her belief in the Bible has changed. She now believes that there is more then one way to get to heaven. Her and her husband has very little if any association with a Christian church. That is troubling! Why are so many young people that have been raised in a Christian home going off to college and having their belief system turned upside down? What are these liberal professors teaching that is causing student to turn their backs on the things their parents have taught them for 18 years?
My three kids all chose Christian colleges...I feel that helped keep them focused on the teaching they had already been taught. College age is such a critical time for kids to change their options.