just what the words mean

i consider myself generous. and most times to a fault, as i always find my generosity abused.

my parents were poor to start with. both camps disliked the match, so growing up, my siblings and i found ourselves sort of isolated from 'them'. i watched my parents struggle, not asking for handouts or help from the well-off relatives. i grew up thinking why my cousins deserved to have new school uniforms every year and their discards thrown at us; why can't the well-offs not see that my brother and i were bright students and need more help with books and such, while our cousins failed their subjects, cut classes and fall into vices. so we struggled. my older brother and i finished high school (a private school) on scholarships. we borrowed the books from friends and classmates or overstayed in the school library - i got locked once because i forgot about the time, no one saw me in between the shelves, and then the owner saw me getting out through the windows to his horror - the library was on the third floor.

even though i wanted to be a lawyer, i was forced to take an abbreviated secretarial course so i could find work right away. working full time and taking up full time evening loads in university, i finished my bachelor's degree with a partial scholarship (i couldn't give up working so was not qualified for a full scholarship) and at the same time sent the next sibling to a full secretarial course, and then the two youngest ones. no help from relatives.

but i believe in paying forward. i consider myself lucky in that i was able to support myself, my family and even raised a nephew as my own son. i will never forget those few people who gave me moral support and lent me money the few times i was in dire strait.

i sent a neighbour's daughter to college. she was bright and interested in learning. her mother, however, thought that a one and a half year of college studies (she was taking a bachelor in accounting) is enough for her to get a job as an assembler at the new assembly plant at siemens. without so much as a thank you from the mother who had a gambling habit and sons who were drug addicts, she was forced out of school and made to work for her family's sustenance.

i helped out a cousin who was struggling. she had a small convenience store in her neighbourhood but she was often out of merchandise. i sent her goods for her to sell in her store, but after a few months she wrote to me saying she closed the store because her husband thought that they should invest whatever little money they earned, in raising and selling roosters used for cockfights. she wanted me to 'give' them money to buy more roosters. i offered instead to pay for her child's schooling. then after a few months, the letters stopped. they were in hiding because creditors were after them and they asked me for seven hundred thousand pesos. it turned out they got addicted to cockfights and as any gambling habits go, you lose more than you win.

there are other stories i can tell you where my money got wasted. something about me that people turn into abusive ungrateful parasites. they don't start out that way, but for some reason they do. however, for every two or three fails, there is at least one person who made my helping them out worth my while. that's not a bad ratio, is it? it still makes me proud, of them and of myself that i was able to help in some little way i can.

now, about those other ungrateful blokes. i better not get started. :-P

note: the images aren't mine, they were grabbed from google images. (because i'm lazy to make my own images.) altered a bit to get to this final image.

[Kathy]

Maybe your character is better than mine, because I'm too suspicious to give out money to those I feel will squander it.

Love the red cherries on top of the sundae.

[Diana]

What a wonderful story, you always have something interesting to say. You should have been an author! Lovely image, even if it is not yours, your writing makes it.

[Helen Jane]

What a story. I think it is a gift to be able to believe the best in people and better to have tried and had it thrown back in your face than to have walked by and never known what might have become. You have my utmost respect.

[Ann H. LeFevre]

I have had the privilege to brag about your generosity a few times over this past week end. I'm reminded of it every time I pick up the T3i! (o: ooooo- ice cream!