I have spent the past two days uploading literally hundreds of family pictures. Some of them came to me from the attic of my grandmother whom I dubbed "Aunt Peggy", some from my other grandmother's collection after my aunt sorted through them and the latest batch from my father's estate. I can honestly say it's left my head spinning!
When I first read about Dixie's idea for a month of "self-stories" I thought it was a great idea. It was a little daunting to think of writing about your family every day for an entire month, but I reminded myself I'd been hoping for a reason to go through all those photos and divide them among my sisters and children WAY BEFORE I became to senile to do it. I know- that sounds a bit morbid but it's where I am right now!
I wasn't prepared for the emotions that would surface as I began sorting through the pictures: Conover family pictures, Hamilton family pictures, Jones family pictures, Mom as a child, Dad as a child and a rather large collection of pictures containing people I thought I should know but didn't remember and people I had no clue as to who they were! I felt like I was sinking both in the sorrow of realizing that I couldn't call anyone to fill in the blanks and the melancholy of knowing my children have grown up and my grandchildren are further away then I'd like and I may find out who those unknown people are.
But there were joyful memories too: pictures which captured milestones- newborns, weddings, anniversaries, reunions, new homes and family gatherings over the holidays. Life is a mixture of all these things and it is never stagnant. I remember my Aunt Peg (not the aforementioned grandmother) once commenting that my son Christopher and his second cousin Jock Jr. were born around the death of my mother and her mother (Gramma Hamilton). "Two came in and two went home," she said. Short and simple, but to the point and certainly carrying its own wisdom. It's easy to get lost in the sorrow sometimes.
But it's so much better to look for the joy. After fiddling around with several pictures in my processing program, and feeling frustrated that none of them were inspiring to write a witty story or golden gem of waxing reminiscence, I decided to jump over to the music files I've stored in my laptop and listen to a few songs. First a Joni Mitchell tune, then on to Bruce Cockburn (yes, I am an eclectic listener!), but the third song in, ("Seeds" recorded by Charlie Zahm in my version but I've since learned Kathy Mattea also recorded it) was what both my heart and mind needed to hear today. Here's the lyrics:
Sometimes I stop on my way home and watch the children play
And I wonder if they wonder what they'll be some day
Some will dream a big dream and make it all come true
While others go on dreaming of things they'll never do
We're all just seeds in God's hands
We start the same but where we land
Is sometimes fertile soil and sometimes sand
We're all just seeds in God's hands
I saw a friend the other day, I hardly recognized
He'd done a lot of living since I'd last looked in his eyes
He told his tale of how he'd failed, the lessons he'd been taught
But he offered no excuses and he left me with this thought
We're all just seeds in God's hands
We start the same but where we land
Is sometimes fertile soil and sometimes sand
We're all just seeds in God's hands
And as I'm standing at a crossroads once again
I'm reminded we're all the same when we begin
And in the end?
We're all just seeds in God's hands
We start the same but where we land
Is sometimes fertile soil and sometimes sand
We're all just seeds in God's hands
We're all just seeds in God's hands
The garden in this picture was cultivated by my "Aunt Peggy". Actually both sets of grandmothers were expert gardeners (and I have not done them proud in my garden- believe me!!) but in this particular shot the blossoms you see are all due to the love which "Aunt Peggy" poured into the soil surrounding her home in Brielle, NJ. More about that on another day.
If I am a little seed, I must say I'm thankful I landed in the soil that I did. It's not perfect- because no family is- but it is good soil. I'm glad this song and this picture reminded me of that. But I sure do hope tomorrow's essay comes a little easier!
Here's the link if you want to hear Kathy Mattea's version:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61D5AU3SG7A
@homeschoolmom Sometimes you have that- a discovery you'd never expect when you're digging through the family archives.
@sarasdadandmom Thank you Terry!
@taffy Thank you Taffy! I truly appreciate your encouraging words.
@kerristephens Thank you Kerri!
@gratefulness Thank you Sandi! More stories to come!
@susale Thank you Suse! Yes, there does seem to be a cycle in life. It's sad to say good-bye to the older generations, but it can be a joy to watch the younger generations grow up and carry the family on.
@mzzhope Thank you Hope!
@thistle Thank you Joyce. I am very grateful to have the ones I do have even when they are hard for me to identify!
@kt8ird Thank you Kate!
@nicolecampbell Thank you Nicole. I do treasure them. Somehow they answer part of the question as to who I am.
@daisymiller Thank you Daisy!
@pyrrhula Thank you Pyrrhula for sticking with my lengthy description and story. I think learning English as a second language is one of the more harder languages to learn!
@altadc Thank you Alta!
Thank you so much for your favs Lisa and Kate! I truly appreciate them- especially on this very personal posting!